Tate's a Freshman, Part 2

My son Tate has autism. Tate is a freshman in High School this year, and is just beginning the second quarter. At this point, his teachers have gotten to know him and his quirks, his abilities and his inabilities, some of his anxieties and obsessions, and just how much fun he is to have around.

This is the second in a series of posts about Tate's freshman year of High School. You might like to start with the first. If you haven't already seen it, click here: Transitioning to High School with Autism

Last week I attended parent/teacher conferences. I always go to meetings with new teachers with just a little trepidation, hoping they “get” what autism is and how to best communicate with Tate. 

I got to hear some really fun stories about how Tate is settling in and how his teachers this year have come to enjoy him. And I got to hear the other side of a few of the things Tate has come home and told me about. 

One of my favorite stories was about World History class. Tate really likes his World History class. Or at least he likes the projector that hangs from the ceiling.

And Tate is excelling in math this year.

Although Tate’s math teacher had nice things to say about him, Tate is unsure she really knows much about math at all.

The math teacher is not the only teacher who has given Tate new notions to ponder.

This is the first year Tate has had no organized lunch buddy program. He is doing well on his own. One of the teachers he had in Junior High sat with him while he ate lunch recently.  

Lunch was not the only concern I had about Tate being in High School. I worried about his ability to maneuver through the crowd. Choreographing his movements to those around him is difficult for Tate. They tell me he is colliding with others less frequently now. Tate's size is intimidating enough that he will likely never be hurt, but I do worry about the other guys.

Not many kids like homework, and Tate is no exception. The name “homework” itself annoys him. If it is schoolwork, then it should stay at school. It baffles Tate that schoolwork can be brought home and relabeled as homework. He does not like his two worlds to mix.

If you like reading about Tate, follow us on Facebook at Quirks and Chaos.

Transitioning to High School with Autism

My son Tate is a freshman in High School this year. We are two weeks in and I am breathing a bit easier now. He’s surviving. Transitions can be hard for people with autism. I worried about everything. How would Tate manage the huge transition to High School? How would he manage all the smaller transitions from one class to the next, in a hall crowded with so many other students? Those kinds of things are so much harder for Tate than they are for you and I. On Tate’s second day of school, his older brother ran into him in the hall. Literally. 

Tate’s brother has since seen Tate in the school halls, and reports that Tate has mastered the skills necessary to dodge most of the other students now. Whew!

That first week was a bit rough on Tate. He was exposed to some ideas he could hardly believe. He came home distressed because his choir teacher mentioned the wearing of robes at the scheduled performances. Luckily, she was most understanding, compassionate and accommodating when I explained Tate’s sensory issues and his anxiety about things like this. 

In addition to the anxiety felt by Tate, and all the new routines to learn, there is also a learning curve for Tate’s new educators. Each year as new teachers get to know Tate and his quirks, I worry that Tate will be misunderstood or even mistreated because of his lack of social awareness and socially acceptable responses. Will his teachers understand autism? Despite my fears, Tate is adjusting marvelously. The High School teachers are proving to be as proficient and as understanding as the teachers we left behind in Junior High.

Working with Tate requires patience and a sense of humor. Luckily, the Physical Education teacher is demonstrating that he has both when he teaches Tate. Despite Tate's awkward gait and limited coordination, P.E. has always been one of Tate's favorite classes at school. I wondered if High School P.E. would be very different. I have always heard that much of the bullying that goes on in a High School is done in gym class. After just these few days I can see that Tate likes his P.E. class very much. The fact that there is never homework, helps!

Tate does not believe homework is ever justifiable. Since he first entered public school he has been adamant that schoolwork should stay at school where it belongs.  

Tate's attempt at his report was his personal best. I read it with mixed feelings. Things like this show me just how far behind Tate is. But they also show me how far he has come. It is true that Tate cannot perform academically at the level of his peers. However, I can honestly say that I am every bit as proud of his efforts as any other parent. Tate works hard and does the best he can in a world he has trouble making sense of. He shows me daily what it means to persevere. It sounds a bit cliché but it is a fact: Tate has taught me far more than I will ever teach him. He makes my heart smile. 

Get to know a child with autism. You will be forever changed in ways you could not have imagined. 

If you liked this post, you might also like: Coffee Tables Aren't Hot

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Forks Can Be Dangerous and Other Tips From Tate

My fourteen-year-old son Tate was born with autism. In my last post I spoke of the evolution of autism in our home, how I used to feel about autism, and how I have come to terms with it. There was a time when I never would have believed I could easily laugh about our situation, but I do laugh now. A lot. Every single day. I do not necessarily laugh AT my son. I do not really laugh WITH my son either, as he does not usually understand why I find things funny. I laugh because I enjoy my son and I enjoy the funny things he says and does. Kids are funny, autism or not. I began illustrating some of our humorous moments so that others might also be able to smile, understanding that autism is not always doom and gloom.

Trying to see the world through Tate’s eyes is challenging at times, yet somewhat entertaining much of the time too. He has a unique perspective and often a surprising way of looking at things. Tate offers us advice and gives insight often. Here are some examples:

One of the biggest challenges we face, living with autism, is communication. There is miscommunication so much of the time. I can walk away from Tate, believing he understands the information or instructions given to him, when in fact he had no idea what was said. It’s not that he is not trying or does not care, although sometimes that may be the case. I believe he often “gets lost” in all the language and becomes overwhelmed trying to process it, so he tunes us out. And other times I am sure he fully heard but misunderstands. Regardless, we find ourselves in interesting conversations. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the old comedy routine, “Who’s on First.”

We work on communication and conversation skills constantly. Believe it to not, Tate has come a very long way. Tate sees small talk as a waste of time and really does not understand why anyone would want to talk about things he has no interest in himself.  

I received a question on my blog page from a little girl today. She asked me if having a kid with autism is as hard as everyone says. I told her that autism is hard, but it is mostly hard for Tate, not for me. I explained to her some of the challenges he faces now and some of the challenges I believe he will face in the future. But then I told her that being Tate's mom is not hard because I love him so much. He is a fun kid and we have a really good life with lots of laughter. Putting it into words easy enough for a child to understand may oversimplify it just a little but the bottom line is: Regardless of the struggles we face, Tate is my son and he means the world to me. 

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There is no ham in hamburgers.

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