An Autism Mom's Thoughts on Disney's Finding Dory

My son, Tate, and I just came away from the Pixar movie, Finding Dory. It’s been on our calendar for weeks, as are most animated films. Movies are Tate’s “thing” and we rarely miss one he shows an interest in. 

I had not seen a trailer for Finding Dory. The only thing I knew going into the theater was that it was a Pixar film and a sequel to Finding Nemo. Finding Nemo was a favorite of Tate’s when he was young, and Tate has much of the dialogue memorized. I knew Tate was going to love the movie, but I did not expect to be overly interested myself. I had no idea that three blue cartoon fish, a couple of clown fish, and a grumpy octopus (make that a septopus) would draw me in and cause me to feel gut wrenching empathy and compassion during parts of this film. Throughout the film I found myself comparing Tate and autism to Dory and her own disability. Dory was unable to remember the things she needed to do to be successful and to keep herself from harm. I saw myself in the caregivers who surrounded Dory and tried to keep her safe. 

As a very small fish, Dory’s parents tried so hard to surround her with rules and plans. They taught her rhymes and songs to help her remember the safety rules. They taught her to repeat her name and her diagnosis. They showed her the path back home over and over and marked it for her. And still Dory’s mother cried and worried because it might not be enough.

I remember all the discrete trial programs we had for Tate. He memorized his parents’ names and his address. Those things meant nothing to him, but he could spout them if asked. In the autism community we have Tee shirts that help our kids tell others they have autism. There are ID bracelets available. We can buy signs for our cars and even stickers to put on their bedroom windows for rescue workers to see. Some of us have service dogs and special locks on our doors. We are so very careful. And yet, we worry. What if….

Dory, as a young fish, could not advocate for herself or find help once she was lost. As an adult fish she still depended on others to keep her safe. At fourteen years old, Tate cannot communicate well enough to advocate for himself amongst strangers, nor would he know who to turn to and ask for help. Through no fault of her own, Dory made tremendous mistakes at time and she felt guilty because she could not do the things she felt she should have been able to do. I hear Tate constantly apologizing for things he cannot do because of his autism. I assure him that there is no need to apologize and my heart aches for him. 

Nemo was a character that never once gave up on his friend Dory. Nemo KNEW Dory was capable of more than she was being given credit for. He was always supportive and patient, ready to help but willing to wait to see if Dory could do it herself. Nemo is much like the typically developing friends Tate has at school. They encourage him and know just when to step in to help. 

Dory’s caretakers were understanding and patient with her most of time but occasionally when things were tense, someone snapped at her, making her feel like a failure. At one point in the movie, Marlin criticized Dory and it crushed her. It rarely happens in our home. But I’m not perfect. Marlin spent a few minutes in denial that he had said anything wrong and then much longer beating himself up for what he said. Once again, I saw myself in the animated character on the screen.  

Tate made "Nemo" in his art class this past school year.

Marlin underestimated Dory several times in this movie. Of course she still had special needs and needed help but there were some things she could do well. Once again, I saw a comparison here. There have been many times I have doubted Tate and he showed me just how wrong I was. At the end of the film, we saw Marlin trying so hard to trust in Dory like her friend Nemo did. But even after he had “learned his lesson” he still followed and spied from afar to make sure Dory was safe. And Dory knew. Dory knew that Marlin was watching and there for her if she needed him. It is such a fine line we walk (or swim).

If you liked this movie review, you might like this: A Review of Disney's Inside Out

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Typewriters and Texts

My fourteen-year-old son Tate has autism. Tate is growing up. There are definitely pros and cons. One of the greatest benefits is that Tate is able to express his opinion and verbalize his wants better than ever before. One of the biggest drawbacks is that Tate is able to express his opinion and verbalize his wants louder than ever before. We have longed to hear his opinion on things for many years but when Tate has an opinion or an interest he is relentless these days. And he knows how to text. Tate’s siblings hear dings and vibrations from their phones several times a week, sometimes several times a day, and some conversations can go on for a long time. There is a new interest in Tate's world this week.  

Tate saw the new Peanuts Movie this past weekend and the Goosebumps movie a couple of weeks before that. There were characters that used a typewriter in both movies. Tate began a dialogue with his older sister about typewriters a few days ago and became convinced he NEEDED one. His sister happened to be the owner of a vintage pink typewriter and loaned it to him. He’s had it in his possession for forty-eight hours and has hammered out note after note, as well as his Christmas wish list. His first love may still be texting but the typewriter has him bewitched right now. He even incorporated the typewriter and notes typed out into a group text with his siblings this evening. Take a look:

The word Tate typed the most in these short videos was "here." Get it? "Here watch me type a word" is what he kept texting them. The campout Tate is referring to in the above text and the following text is one he has planned without any parental consent. He planned one mid-winter last year that never came to fruition and he's held a grudge for ten months as you will see in the text below. Depending on the weather, it may or may not happen again. Tate will not listen to reason at this point and is arguing against the weather factor by assuring us that two hoodies instead of one is the answer to frigid weather. A friend from Texas was over at the time of his list making so he included her.  Somehow he has determined that those without freckles will not be invited into his tent. Your guess is as good as mine on how that criteria factored in. Ironically, Tate does not have freckles. The three siblings he wants to include in his outing do have freckles however. 

Here are some texts Tate sent last week when his camping trip (to the front lawn) was in its earliest planning stages:

Do not feel too sorry for the outdoorsman here. Tate has opportunities over the summer to sleep in a tent. 

Another group text this week from Tate showcased his new dresser. The reason he was asked about naming it is because Tate has named all his siblings' cars and insists they call their cars by name. 

And lastly, Tate has been trying to convince me that he has too many chores around here. 

Nice try Tate. Nice Try.

If you liked this post then you will surely like this one: More Texts From Tate

An Autism Mom's Thoughts About Disney's Inside Out

Spoiler alert. I’m going to talk in detail about the plot and the characters from the Disney movie “Inside Out.” Stop reading if you do not like spoilers.

If you’ve followed my blog for more than five minutes and if you know anything at all about us then you know my son Tate has autism and our lives revolve around movies. He has the release date of all the movies he is interested in (which include most G and PG rated ones) on our calendar. I don’t know how he does it, but before most of us have seen the first trailer for a new movie, he has the release date on the calendar and has memorized the actors involved in the making of the movie. To Tate, these things are as important as our loved ones and our careers are to us. He spends most of his waking minutes thinking about movies and talking about movies. So, of course today, on opening day of Disney’s “Inside Out” Tate woke with great joy (pun intended.) He toe-walked and bounced as he paced all over the house in anticipation. I was a bit apprehensive myself. We had been told earlier in the week Tate should avoid popcorn as he has just gotten braces on his bottom teeth. Tate was not happy about this news and had been telling me all week the orthodontist must have been mistaken. But we went to a favorite restaurant before the movie, got some m&ms, and a bottle of water, and settled into our seats without incident over the missing bucket of popcorn.

The first five minutes of the movie were brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. The writers and animators illustrated a baby’s first feelings and memories and how they are stored away. They took a very complex and abstract idea and made it simple and clear. I loved it. We were introduced to the emotions of a girl named Riley. There was Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. Each character was well defined for the targeted audience of children. The characters sat behind a control panel and used the controls to react to the things happening to Riley throughout her day. They collaborated to decide which of the emotions should use the controls and help Riley to react.

The moral of this kids’ movie was a credible message for adults. I cannot always find a real solid plot in animated movies but this one was pretty clear to me. And I think it was a good one for parents to think about. The character Joy went to great lengths to help Riley avoid Sadness and be happy all the time. Riley’s parents unknowingly had pressured her to be “their happy girl” so Riley tried hard to put on a front even when she needed to be something other than happy. The premise of the movie was that Sadness is an important emotion, and one we cannot always avoid. Sometimes our children have to be sad. We cannot shelter ourselves or our children from every sad experience out there. And we cannot ask our children to deny their genuine feelings of sadness so we will not be inconvenienced either. I understood the message to be that sometimes after a sad experience we can find happiness we would not have otherwise found. Without sadness there would be no joy.

We were exposed to personifications of other characters’ emotions as well. If you go to see the movie, be sure and stay until the credits roll. It is then you will see Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust as illustrated for Riley’s teacher, a dog, a cat, a clown, and a few of the other people in Riley’s life. This was another magnificent part of the movie for me. Every character had the same five emotions that were almost identical in appearance. I began to ponder at that point, what would it look like if I were able to illustrate those five emotions for Tate in the same way they had done in this movie? Joy would sit at Tate’s control panel and giggle for long periods of time while everyone around him wondered why. Sadness would be very confused, underdeveloped and never able to convince Tate to cry, while Anger would be able to produce tears when he was provoked. Disgust would be overactive. Almost every food the rest of us eat would cause that character to recoil and gag. Smells other people barely notice would be a problem for Disgust too. Fear would have to be depicted as a hyperactive character who was extremely neurotic for Tate I think. He would always be trying to grab the controls from the other emotions. If I were able to personify Tate’s emotions I think I’d add a sixth character. He would be a sort of big brother to Fear. The sixth character would be named Anxiety (or Stress). Anxiety would tower above the other five and be a giant among them. Anxiety would have some massive muscles and would push the other emotions around. He would constantly be pushing his smaller brother Fear to talk louder. He would silence Joy anytime he got a chance. Anxiety would be a tyrant.

Even during the movie Tate had been so excited to see, his anxiety was ready to suck some of the joy right out of the experience for him. During one scene, Tate became stressed when Joy, Sadness, and another character were trying desperately to find their way back to headquarters. Tate became restless and said to me, “Nothing to worry about. Stay calm. They are going to save Riley.” Tate often reassures himself when he is anxious by offering support to me. Another time, Riley’s dad got stern with her and frowned after she had misbehaved. Tate became nervous and leaned over to ask me, “Her dad still loves her, right?” I assured him that dads still love their kids even when they are unhappy.” I know Tate struggles to understand these kinds of things and has always been nervous when someone speaks to him seriously about anything. He needs people to smile at him, even if they are explaining something quite serious or speaking to him about danger. Tate seems to believe Joy is equivalent to love while Anger or Sadness cannot be. After the movie I took the opportunity to talk with Tate about these things. I had hoped the movie would be a real teaching tool for us and I believe it was. I would highly recommend this movie to the autism community. Disney did a good job with this one. 

If you liked this post you might like to read about the anxiety Toy Story caused for a while. Woody and his hat were a big thing at our house when Tate was younger. Here's the link:  Unusual Attachments