Trials Produce Patience

This morning, I was vacuuming my bedroom and Sydney was begging me for a turn. (Why do kids love the vacuum until they are actually old enough to use one effectively?) I gave her the hose to go around the baseboards and reach under the bed. One of my nicest shirts was lying on my dresser, waiting for a turn in the washing machine. She managed to vacuum up half the shirt before I could grab it. She loved using the vacuum and giggled for most of the time she was dragging it around. I wish I loved the vacuum enough to giggle while I used it! Ha. 

The above took place right after I got Sydney out of the bath and had to clean up the gallon of water she had sloshed over the side of the tub. She also emptied most of a bottle of shampoo into the tub so she could have bubbles. She knows better! However, the bath was before her meds had slowed her down and calmed her, giving her a little bit of self-control. I love it when Sydney wants a bath in the early mornings because then she is “contained” for that 30 or 40 minute period it takes for her meds to kick in. So…. while this morning, I had to use an extra towel to clean up water, and the shampoo is gone, there are no spilled foods, dumped toy boxes, brothers complaining of torture, and nothing is broken. I’ll put shampoo on my grocery list and call it a successful Saturday morning.   

If you haven’t read it before, I have a post called Saturday Mornings With Sydney from December 2012 describing a typical Saturday morning here at the Smith house. Saturdays, during the school year, are the hardest because it is the day with the least routine. 

Sydney causes me more work in one day than any kid I've ever known but I love her with all my heart. When she was very young and I did not yet understand she had a disability, I was pretty hard on Sydney and REALLY hard on myself. All my other kids have conformed to rules and been easy to train. Sydney was like no child I’d ever been around. I have come to understand that "she is who she is" and she cannot help it. She will never "catch up" to her peers. Ever. The alcohol she was exposed to in the womb did damage that I cannot undo. There are helps available: like medications, physical boundaries, and visual reminders. We use them all.  

Sydney's behaviors do become more manageable with each passing year due to some maturity, but she will probably never be able to control all of her impulses. Of course, she won’t still be dumping shampoo in the bath when she is in high school but what will she be doing instead? It’s a scary thought. I won’t always be able to clean up "the messes" she makes when she is an adult, but for now I try to do it with a smile on my face. I memorized a Bible verse that has been helping me a lot. It comes from James chapter one: “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the trying of your faith produces patience. And let patience have its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” Don’t misunderstand. I do not think of Sydney as a trial or a burden! I think of her as a blessing and a teacher! I do see the FAS and Sydney’s lack of self-control as a burden to both myself and to her. And, just as God promised, I am learning patience and growing closer to Him!

anything for attention

I have been blogging about Tate and have not yet mentioned Sydney.  It is partly because I do not even know where to begin.  Sydney is eight years old and in first grade for the second time.  Sydney is very unique.  She is sweet, funny, loving, very busy, loud, maddening, demanding, and she seldom stops talking.  She is our only adopted child.  She has a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and ADHD.  I have prayed for patience for many years and God answered those prayers with Sydney.  I almost never lose my patience with Tate.  He is quietly needy.  I lose my patience often with Sydney because she is so loud and demanding.  She will do almost anything for attention; including provoking her siblings to anger and rule breaking.  She is not always naughty.  As a matter of fact, she is doing better all the time.  We discovered medication about 3 years ago and it has made a huge difference to Sydney and the whole family.  On medication, her behaviors could almost be seen as typical much of the time.  The first hour of our day is rough.  Once the medication takes effect it is smooth sailing for us… until the middle of the evening when it begins to wear off  By 8:00 PM the medication is no longer in her system.  The most stressful times of the day for me are 7:00-8:00 AM and 8:00-10:00 PM.  During these times Sydney has no impulse control and is in constant motion.  If I can get her to sit still for a minute it is a real accomplishment. There would be no getting her to stop talking though. When Sydney wakes in the morning there is no drifting in and out of sleep or stretching and yawning and lingering in bed.  She opens her eyes, jumps out of bed and her feet hit the floor running.  We put Sydney to bed around 8:30 PM and she sings, claps, wiggles, talks to herself and finds many excuses to get out of bed until around 10:00 when her body finally surrenders to sleep.  Yesterday, I had to take a sibling to school early, before Sydney’s medications had “kicked in” and Sydney rode along.  She clucked like a chicken the whole way to town and about half the way home.  I have learned to tune her out and it did not bother me; but since the clucking did not get a reaction from me she got out of her seatbelt to dance around in the backseat.  She knew that would do it.  I had to pull over and put her back in her seatbelt.  Half an hour later, when we went to town again and her medication was working, she rode along just fine and we were able to converse quietly.  Thank goodness for the wonderful doctor that convinced me to try medications for Sydney.  She couldn’t sit and learn before and now she can.  She does not learn at the same pace as her peers and she has to work hard to learn what she does.  She is reading at grade level this year.  She makes me so proud. 

Many of the things that come out of Sydney’s mouth make me laugh.  Yesterday she asked me “Did I walk on my hind legs when I was a baby?”  When we sing hymns during worship she often gets the words wrong.  “Throw out the life line” has become “Throw out the white wine.”  Either version is a good one in my book.  Sydney often tattles on herself too.  She cannot keep a secret, even if it means she is going to get in trouble.  I could write volumes about Sydney’s antics and I probably will.  Things are definitely never boring when she is present. 

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