Notes from Tate: Part Two of Three Steps Forward and Two Steps Back

STOP! If you haven't read the last post (yesterday's post) then this one will not mean much. So click on the purple link, read it, and catch up! Thanks for joining in my "fun" with autism.

We are one day into the elimination of fantasies and Tate is doing very well. He is past crying and seems to be okay. He is not verbally arguing but still he seems to have gotten the last word. Ha!

In the past, on occasion, when Tate feels the need to argue with an adult but knows he will be stopped, he has written notes. The first note I ever remember him writing was around third grade and he was upset with a teacher. He wrote her a note to continue an argument that she thought she had won. He’s been writing notes ever since. Not all of them get delivered but it may be a good release for him. I’ve written my fair share of notes to school board members and various others that I never sent. Now I blog for therapy. Ha!

Last year, Tate wrote a couple of notes to his well-loved para to fire him from his position because he was asking Tate to do things that Tate did not think were “worthy” of him. Things like reading and math. Ha! We explained that students cannot fire school staff and then went around the corner and laughed hard. Three steps forward: Tate is initiating interactions with others, trying to advocate for himself, and using communication skills that are really hard for him. Two steps back: Tate is unable to “drop” the “argument” that he lost and is sometimes, boarder-line, disrespectful, both typical of autism.

Following is a note Tate wrote to his Dad regarding the babysitting service he wants to open based on a television show scenario. It was in a folder at school and the para sent it home so we could see it. We’re not sure when he wrote it.

Dear DaD I thank I will Be a GOOD BaBY SiTer  The BilDing Will Be a wonDerful Place and I canT waTe To Be a Bother [brother] and Manager  We Will have Dinner every Day aT 4:00  I We will come and viste you MosT oF The TiMe  Winever the Kids GeT sik I will TaKe them To The DoTer and Me and SiDNey Will Go To the Computer every Day at 5:00  I will NoT Give UP intell This New Year’s Day From TaTe  PS I will aso BaBYSit NaNs KiDS and The aParTMenT Will Be for KiDS and animals Who Need a BaBYSiTer only

The reference to being a brother and a manager is from an unrelated joke we have also been trying to eliminate (also from a television show.) The joke is never delivered in a context that is understandable to his “audience” and only makes Tate appear very odd. I have been trying to extinguish this one for two or three weeks and Shawn addressed it when he spoke to Tate about the inappropriate fantasies and stories he has been telling people. 

Three steps forward and two steps back.

seeing ghosts

Tate, age 3 ½ 

Tate thinks very literally and this often causes him to misunderstand the world around him. People with autism also struggle with separating reality from fantasy. One of the first times I realized how handicapped this made Tate was when he was around three or four years old. Tate and I were walking in a building on Kansas University’s campus and we came face-to-face with a woman wearing a hijab with a veil covering everything except her eyes. As we walked by her, Tate nonchalantly said “oh, a ghost.” He didn’t ask any questions. There was no alarm in his voice, no double-take, or any kind of disbelief at all. He called it like he saw it. He saw a ghost walking down a hall. End of story. 

A few days ago, we were driving through our small town and Tate saw a black sports car trimmed in lime green parked in a drive way. Tate said, matter-of-factly, “The Green Lantern lives there.” No big deal. A super hero lives in our town. One plus one equals two, after all. Like that “ghost” and the Green Lantern, many other costumed characters have been accepted by Tate as true to life personalities. I think this, and a lot of the other difficulties Tate has interpreting his world, can be traced back to the theory of mind issue. Theory of mind is the ability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings too and people are not always thinking and feeling the same way you are. It takes theory of mind to be able to empathize with others, read body language, pretend, and understand a lot of humor. Tate cannot see why anyone would have a motive to pretend to be anything they are not. This is the part that can get a person with autism in a lot of trouble when mom is not there to watch out for them anymore. Typically developing children gain some street smarts at a fairly young age. They learn to “read between the lines.” They learn that sometimes people tell lies, pretend to be things they are not, and manipulate others so they can get what they want. Typically developing kids also learn to see some gray between all the black and white rules we live by.  Kids with autism don’t often learn all the exceptions to rules and gain the street smarts. People with autism can be taken advantage of very easily. 

Seeing a ghost and believing a car in town belongs to a super hero are things I can chuckle about but it makes me wonder how far it could go. We see wildlife in the yard quite often. A whole flock of turkeys walked across our yard today.  If a tiger sauntered across the yard while Tate was outside swinging I wonder if he would come inside to tell me or just casually say “hmmm, a tiger” and keep on swinging.

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