Our brains can take a complex task with a lot of steps
and many different scenarios and put them all together into a simple daily
routine that comes very easy to us. But to put that task into words and to
teach that task and all the different scenarios to a person with autism is
daunting. For example: walking through door.
Who knew there were so many things to consider when
you need to get into a building or a room?
You might think that a written procedure for getting
into a room or building with a closed door could not possibly be that
complicated to compose. It might look something like this:
· Step One: Approach the door.
· Step Two: Reach out and grasp the door handle or knob
and turn it if needed.
· Step Three: Push or pull the door open. Open the door
wider than your body width.
· Step Four: Walk through the opening.
· Step Five: Allow the door to close, or push (or pull)
it closed as needed.
However, these steps are actually not enough. As a
matter of fact, I cannot imagine being able to create a list that could cover
all the things I know about opening a door that my son needs to be taught. I’ve
been trying unsuccessfully for years to teach Tate all of the steps and rules
the rest of us have about walking through a door. What do I mean? Why can Tate
not open a door and walk through it? Oh, he has the five steps above down
without a problem. It’s the rest. What do I mean: “the rest”? Take a look at
the procedure most of us use:
· Step One: Approach the door, but be aware of all the
people around you. Do not brush up against anyone or get in front of anyone who
is also waiting to go through the door. Wait for your turn patiently.
· Step Two: Reach out to grasp the door handle or knob.
If someone else is close and they are also reaching for the knob, look at them.
By looking at their face and by seeing where their eyes are looking, you might
be able to tell if they would prefer you open the door of they would like to
open it. Watch their body language. If they quicken their pace, then let them
reach for the door first. If they slow down, then you go ahead and reach out
for the door. You could also just say, “I’ll get the door for you” if you want
to open it, or “After you” if you prefer they open the door.
· Step Three: Open the door or allow the other person to
open the door. If you open the door, do not just assume you should go through
first. You might need to open it and hold it so they can walk through first.
There are things to consider. Are their hands full? Be sure and hold the door
and hand it off to the other person gently if they seem like they are willing
to take the weight of the door. If they open the door and step back for you to
go through first then go ahead, and then smile your thanks or say, “Thank you.”
If the person’s hands are full and you were the one to go through the door
first then reach back and hold the door for them. If you watch the other
person’s hands and face you might be able to tell if they expect you to hold
the door or if they want to hold the door.
· Step Four: Walk through the door but be sure and look
behind you. There may be someone else approaching the door that you should
consider. If there is someone only two or three steps away and the door is a
self-closing door, give the door a gentle push so the next person can grab the
door. If someone is approaching from up to ten steps away, if their hands are
full, or if they are on crutches, or if they are elderly and moving slowly, or
if they have a dog on a leash, or if they are pushing a stroller, or if they
are too small to reach the door, or if they are leading a gorilla by the hand,
then hold the door open for them. (I have become facetious here but I want you
to see how hard it is to teach EVERY possible scenario!) There are so many.
· Step Five: Allow the door to close, or push or pull it
closed as needed.
Notice the very specific things above: “two or three
steps away” and “up to ten steps away.” These are the things I have become very
aware of as I have been trying to teach these things to Tate. I’ve become very
interested in the social aspect involved in many daily tasks and I have been
watching others and breaking down the steps involved in tasks I perform myself.
The next time you approach a building to open a door with several others around,
notice how everyone seems to know what to do. Watch the same procedure in a
downpour with everyone holding umbrellas. The procedure for opening the door is
somewhat different as everyone hurriedly closes their umbrella and tries not to
get wet, all the while adjusting their moves to fit those around them who are
also trying to stay dry. How do we all just know what to do? There certainly
was no five step procedure with every scenario listed out for us to memorize.
All these kinds of things have been taught to us by
example. We see examples all around us. People are often rushing up to hold the
door for someone else who has their arms full. People are constantly walking
through a door before me, and then as I approach, they give it one extra push so
I can reach out and grab the door. I just KNOW what is and is not socially
acceptable when I walk through a door. I know because of the way my brain
works. And Tate just does NOT KNOW because of the way his brain works.
I have tried to help Tate to understand the social
cues involved in opening a door for years. Even after much instruction and
example we’ve made little progress. This past school year I have seen Tate walk
right to the front of a group of people who were patiently waiting to walk
through a door and squeeze through ahead of the rest. I have seen him walk up
to a door that someone was holding for him to grab, but instead of reaching out
to take the door, Tate slid right past and into the building, leaving the other
person confused about what had just happened. I have seen him drop a door that
he walked through, just as a person with their arms full was just about to
struggle through. I have seen him walk through a door oblivious to an elderly
person who really needed some help to keep the door open.
I’ve given Tate so much instruction about the door to
his school that the last semester he was just trying to time his entry into the
school so no one else was around him. He knew he was “doing it wrong” every day
so he just decided to do it alone. Major “fail” on my part.
I try to tell myself that these kinds of things are
not THAT important. A hundred years from now it will not matter if Tate snubbed
someone or dropped a door he should have held. But in daily living, these
things can become pretty important. How others perceive you based on your
actions determines a lot of things. I want Tate to continue to have friends
long after his small circle of friends at the Junior High have moved on.
Teaching Tate about body language and how to interpret those things is so
difficult, if not impossible. Teaching Tate about how to anticipate what
another person is going to do by looking at their face is very difficult, if
not impossible. I have found some materials from a real giant of a therapist
named Michelle Garcia Winner. She teaches people about social thinking and
“thinking with their eyes.” Watching other people and where their eyes are
looking can tell you so much. Because Tate has autism and has such a hard time
with faces and eye contact I haven’t been able to make much progress in this
area. But. I am not giving up. There has to be a way to teach this. A friend
with autism suggested I catch Tate on film so he can see what he is doing that
is socially unacceptable to the rest of us. I believe I will give that a try.
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy reading: What brought you here?
