Tate, Texts, and Tents

One of the things Tate loves to do is to plan camping trips. His idea of camping though is a little different than yours probably. Tate wants a tent set up within a few feet of the house. He wants an extension cord and all his electronics set up next to his sleeping bag. And a tent full of snacks is a must. He’ll spend the evening in the tent and when he decides he’s tired enough to go to sleep in the early morning hours of the next day he’ll be ready to haul it all back in to go to bed. Tate especially loves it if we have a little campfire. He won’t roast hotdogs or marshmallows like the rest of the family but he’ll eat a hotdog bun and be content. A couple of times a year Tate decides it is time for us to have one of his camping experiences. Last year he planned one, long after it was too cold to carry out, and he perseverated for at least a month about us ruining his camping trip because we would not set up the tent due to the temperatures. He still brings it up occasionally. He’ll say things like, “You cannot ruin this for me like you did that camping trip.” Tate holds a grudge a long time.

So, last week when I started getting texts from Tate about camping I began praying for a warm weekend and no rain. As he often does, Tate began his planning by making lists. He loves numbered lists. My friend happened to be over during one of his planning sessions so he included her in the texts with me and his siblings. She is from Texas, thus the Texas reference in this text. 

The references to clothes (close) are probably because he fears I will tell him it is too cool to camp. He's telling me everyone will be dressed warm.

The video clip he sent me was about seven seconds long. He showed me that he had two hoodies on. His hoodie fetish will be fully satisfied. Camping and doubling up the hoodies.... He will truly be a "happy camper." 

It seems Tate is punishing his dad and I for “ruining” the last camping trip and has declared this one will only be for people with freckles. He's been announcing over and over the past two evenings that grown ups do not have freckles. The funny part to me is that Tate has no freckles either. His siblings do though. Ha!

Stay tuned folks and see if we are able to pull off a front yard camping experience for Tate in the next couple of weekends or not. I'd sure hate for him to have two strikes against his unfreckled parents. 

When Halloween is Not About The Candy

At our house we are counting down the days until Halloween and have been for quite some time. My fourteen-year-old son Tate has autism and he has been texting me reminders about Halloween for months. (See his "checklist" below.) Tate tells me often that Halloween is his favorite holiday. If someone had told me nine or ten years ago that Halloween would someday be Tate’s favorite holiday I’d have been sure they would be wrong. 

The Pumpkin Patch is a Smith
family tradition.

Although Tate did enjoy our annual trip to the pumpkin patch, that was one of the only things he liked about Halloween. When Tate was small he was terrified of the costumes hanging on racks at the stores. We avoided the aisles that displayed the masks and Halloween decorations. The evening of October 31^st, Tate’s dad took his siblings trick-or-treating and Tate and I stayed home. Tate’s older siblings had to be careful to leave their masks off their faces until they were out of the house. He just didn’t seem to understand the masks did not change the true identity of the person behind them. Mask off and the kids standing in the room with us were his beloved brothers and sisters. Mask on and they took on the identities of strange princesses, super heroes, and ghosts. Usually, his brothers’ and sisters’ costumes were quite tame but it did not seem to matter much. Tate did not appreciate them at all.

Tate's Kindergarten Halloween Party

Because Tate was in an early intervention program and attended a preschool with typically developing peers, he needed to wear a costume for the school’s Halloween party. The classes walked to several neighboring offices for treats and I wanted Tate to participate. I realized it would be an invaluable learning experience and Tate needed to be able to step outside his comfort zone. But I knew convincing Tate to wear a costume was going to be a bit challenging for us. I had to come up with costumes for Tate those first few years that were similar to his everyday attire. A mask would have been asking too much of Tate. It would have been sensory overload for him. Tate loved hats so I used that to our advantage. That first year of preschool Tate was a cowboy. That required me to buy absolutely nothing as he already had boots, a hat and a western shirt. I’m not sure Tate even understood he was dressed “in costume” that year at all. The year after that he was a magician. I bought a top hat and a plastic wand and attached a small piece of black fabric to the shoulders of his shirt. He actually enjoyed carrying the wand and did not seem to mind the cape at all. In Kindergarten I dressed Tate completely in black, used a washable marker to draw whiskers on his face, put a red and white striped hat on his head and told everyone he was The Cat in The Hat. I feared he would not cooperate when I suggested we use a marker on his face but he surprised me! It helped that Dr. Seuss was Tate’s hero at the time I’m sure. We went through a period of time that year when only Dr. Seuss books were allowed on his bookshelf.

Tate 2013

By the time Tate was in second or third grade he had determined Halloween is a pretty fun holiday. Jack-O-Lantern carving is a highlight of Autumn in Tate's mind. He also loves to dress up in costume now. His ideas are usually original too. Two years ago he told me he wanted to be a remote control for Halloween. I panicked because I knew I was never going to find a remote control costume and Tate, once his mind is made up, is hard to sway. I bought some black and white felt and spent a Saturday morning with my sewing machine and Tate had a remote control costume.

Tate is making sure his Dad
knows who is taller. 

This year my 6’3” son wants to be a skeleton. As we walk from house to house to gather the candy he will not eat, I will celebrate the progress he has made. I know eventually he will be “too old” chronologically to trick or treat, no matter his developmental age. But for at least one more year we are going trick or treating with all the other kids who love Halloween.  For a lot of kids it is all about the candy, but the only candy Tate will put in his mouth are m&ms and Hershey’s chocolate bars. So for Tate it is not about the candy. It’s about the adventure. And THAT is huge when you live with autism.

To appreciate the list you might need a little background and you have to understand that Tate can hold a grudge for years. I believe it was two years ago that we put off going to the pumpkin patch until late October and then the weather was bad so we bought our pumpkins at Wal-mart on a Sunday. Sundays are for going to church in Tate’s world and pumpkins should only come from pumpkin patches, and never be purchased on a Sunday.  

More Texts from Tate

My readers keep asking for more texts from Tate and Tate keeps providing them. So I will share some more of the best of the best. And if you need to catch up then follow these links to past texts from Tate: Breaking Bad News and Tate's Texts

Tate sometimes makes grandiose plans that would be impossible to carry out. I am sure he himself is even aware that many of his schemes are just for fun. Almost always they are linked to a movie or television show he has seen. He loves to plan. Occasionally he becomes upset if we do not take him seriously enough but most of the time he is happy for us to just play along a little, even knowing his plans are only fantasies. 

Tate recently became interested in my blog Quirks and Chaos. He doesn’t really read it although he knows where to find it on the web. He likes looking at the pictures. He also likes that he is on the web. Although when I have teased him saying he is famous he says, “Mom. I haven’t even been on television.” He decided he wants to surprise me by making a commercial for Quirks and Chaos. He has enlisted the help of his siblings. He’s been texting them individually and in groups with ideas. He let me in on a bit of it and revealed to me he would like the commercial to air on ABC Family. And apparently his siblings need to learn some dance moves for their part in the commercial.

Tate's sister Bailey is in blue in this text. Tate and his siblings are in gray, although Tate does MOST of the talking here. Notice he even says, "I will ask the questions." That is definitely a movie line. 

 

 

Lately Tate has had an obsession with Black Friday and he wants to plan our day, months in advance. He wants active participation from all six of his siblings. Tate’s siblings enjoy his planning and texting, probably as much as Tate does himself.

Nebraska Furniture Mart is a favorite of Tate's. They have dvds and lots of technology there.