Hoarding

This blog post is about my sweet baby girl Sydney who we adopted from Russia. She has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and ADHD. 

I have become accustomed to finding very strange things hidden under Sydney’s pillow when I straighten her bed each morning. This is her favorite hiding place, although she has others. She “collects” things and it does not matter to her if it is dirty or clean or if it belongs to her or not. Since Kindergarten, one of her favorite collectibles is mulch from the school playground. It is made from old tires so it is rubbery and fun for her to twist and squeeze. Sydney comes home with her pockets full when she can. A staff member is helping me by checking her pockets but she is creative and finds new ways to sneak it home. I find mulch in the washer and dryer and all over the house. It has clogged my vacuum before and I even have some in my purse and my own coat pocket. 

I often find coins, sticks, food wrappers, puzzle pieces, feathers, small toys and old food hidden under Sydney’s pillow. This morning, it was a hand full of candy wrappers, a video game player with her brother’s game loaded in it, one of her sister’s games (one she is not allowed to borrow), and her own toy i-pad. I talked to Sydney about the games and getting permission to play them. Then I put the games away and sent her to throw away all the wrappers. No amount of talk or intervention has deterred Sydney’s kleptomania in any way so I am just living with it at this point. I am unsure if it is part of her anxiety disorder diagnosis and some kind of obsessive/compulsive need or not. I know that experiencing hunger results in hoarding in many adopted children. Sydney was neglected and often hungry as an infant; although, I am not sure how much of that sticks with a person if it was experienced so young. 

In Russia at 10.5 months

When we picked Sydney up from that orphanage in Russia, all those years ago, I was able to talk to the caregivers through an interpreter. I had formula and a diaper bag with me. I showed them a four ounce bottle, an eight ounce bottle, and a couple of different nipples. I was asking what type of bottle and nipple Sydney was used to using. I have six biological children and know enough about babies to know what a difference those things can make. They told me she was used to being fed four times a day and I should fill the larger bottle to the top, giving her eight ounces at a time.  Sydney was almost one year old but only sixteen pounds. I knew from the medical history we had seen on her that she spit up constantly and they were calling it reflux. I was very surprised that a baby with such a small stomach and diagnosed with reflux was being given eight ounces in one feeding. I also didn’t think a baby so young should be fed only four times a day, especially if she spit much of her food up. That day, I started four ounce feedings every three hours and I never saw any reflux problems. Those first few days were heart wrenching for me, knowing all the formula she had spit up that first year because she had been over fed, and imagining how hungry she was until the next feeding so many hours later. When I showed Sydney a bottle she would begin to hum. She never cried at first, only hummed. She would drink like she was starving and then whine when the bottle was empty and fall asleep. Sydney held on to her bottles with a death grip. I tried giving her Cheerios and other foods most one year old babies like. She would not let me put anything in her mouth except the bottle and if I managed to get it past her lips it shot right back out. It took weeks before Sydney would eat a cracker or a Cheerio. Once Sydney started eating solid food though, there was nothing she wouldn’t eat and no new food she would not try. Sydney’s favorite foods now are so different than most kids. She loves pickled beets, okra, broccoli (raw or cooked), cooked carrots and vegetable soup. She’d rather have a can of green beans than a cookie for a snack. Because her doctor is always worried about her weight, she actually suggested to me that we let Sydney have vegetables only AFTER she eats a donut or a piece of cake for a snack. We have been known to put a donut in front of her and a bowl of vegetables out of her reach so she gets the calories before the preferred food. It feels so wrong. Backward. This is one of the reasons it surprises me to find Sydney hoarding candy and food. She has access to a variety of foods throughout her day and she is almost never denied candy or anything else at home. Sydney’s IEP even allows her access to frequent snacks at school. I have a box of things available for her to snack on in her classroom: crackers, nuts, cookies and fruit. The fruit and nuts go faster than the cookies every time.  

Always eating but rarely gaining weight

  

Irony surrounds me. Sydney eats constantly and is under weight, while Tate is extremely finicky and towers over his classmates and teachers. If I could only mix the two kids, I would come up with average weights and typical diets for both.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more, click here: Never A Dull Moment

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Echoes

Eventually, I may run out of quirks to ponder and chaos to control but I am not there yet. I was remembering today how Tate used to memorize jingles and commercials. When he was a toddler, we’d walk through the grocery store and see a character that represented a product: the Charmin Bear, the Kool Aid Man, the Keebler Elf, Mr. Clean… Tate would recite the commercial or the jingle that went with the product, word for word. He memorized songs, books and dialogue from favorite movies too, often with just one or two exposures to them. He had some great language but no conversation skills. He couldn’t answer a question but he could repeat the question. It is called echolalia and is common with autism. When Tate was very young, he would say “mommy?” I would answer “what?” He started calling me “mommy-what” and that became my new name to him. That was before we got a diagnosis. He was a little strange to me but so cute. Once we got a diagnosis of autism and I recognized the echoes for what they are, I worked hard to eliminate them. I must have said, “Don’t repeat” a hundred times a day at first. Tate stopped echoing others but then replaced it by echoing himself. He would either repeat a sentence or repeat the last few words of his sentence. He still does this fairly often. It comes and goes and may always do so. Many of Tate’s stereotypic behaviors (stims) have disappeared and then resurfaced again. However, if Tate knows it is not something we want him to do, he often tries to hide the stim. Now, he frequently whispers his echo. Tate is never punished for echoing or for any other behavior that is stereotypic of autism. He just wants to please me, thus the whispered echo instead of the echo that we used to have. He is such a good boy and he is trying so hard, it is just hard to fight the “need” to stim. I wish I was able to explain it but I do think I understand it, somewhat. It seems to be like an obsession or a compulsion. OCD is often co-morbid with autism. I do not know where the line is drawn between a stim and an obsession/compulsion. I suppose that I may get a better explanation as Tate ages and if/when we need to see doctors regarding these issues. I have heard and read some of the reasons Temple Grandin gives for these kinds of things and I would highly recommend her books to anyone wanting to learn more about autism. She has autism but has overcome so much and is a brilliant writer.

Some of the stims over the years were easier to reduce than others. There was the awful telltale sign of autism when Tate was two and a half: hand flapping. Hand flapping is the stim that I have heard about the most. It looked awful; and although, I had no idea what autism was, I knew that we were looking at something huge. I first suspected a mental illness. The first time I ever saw hand flapping I held Tate’s hands and told him that it did not look nice. It didn’t creep up on us; because one day he did not do it and the next day he did…. a lot. Every time he started I would stop him. I stayed in the same room with him much of the time so I could stop it as soon as it started. He did it when he was excited, bored or anxious. I was vigilant and persistent. It didn’t take very many weeks until he stopped doing it, because of all of my intervention. As I found out though, every time we eliminate a stim, another one takes its place and sometimes the new stim is less desirable than the one it replaced. I have learned to live with some of them and be quite happy that they are NOT others. 

Why do I want to eliminate the stimming at all? Tate’s peers will not find him very approachable if he is chanting jingles and commercials, rapidly blinking his eyes, bouncing up and down on his toes, making squeaking noises, flapping his hands and arms, or gnashing his teeth. When he is stimming, the stim is bigger than anything around him so it is hard to get his attention or interact with him. When he is stimming, it consumes him. He certainly is not going to learn anything while he is stimming. Stereotypic behaviors could be a magnet that draws bullying in Tate’s future as well. 

The longer a stim is “with” us, the more ingrained it becomes. One of the things Tate did as a baby and toddler was to fan the pages of a book. He’d get a book; the thicker the better, for him. He would sit on his bottom, put his knees up, balance the book on his knees, and begin fanning the pages at eye level. He could spend a large part of his day doing this. I had no idea why he liked to do it but he did and it wasn’t doing any harm, or so I thought. Now that I know what autism is I regret all the hours that I allowed Tate to “waste.” That time could have been spent learning. He was not absorbing information from his environment like a typically developing child does. He was not playing with toys and pretending. I knew things were not “right” but I had no idea what was going on. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Note: This seems to be one of my more controversial posts. A lot of parents think their children's stereotypic behavior is endearing and have told me so, often in very harsh words. Some say they have even been told by therapists and/or doctors that the stimming is something their child needs to do to express himself. That was not the advice I was given by Tate's therapists and doctors not was it encouraged in the books I read. Tate was born in 2001. I truly believe Tate is as high functioning as he is because of all the early intervention and all the constant education he was exposed to. He was not allowed to stim for long periods of time when he was small. Please, if you take offense by my opinions and/or the fact that I believe I helped Tate by discouraging the stereotypic behaviors, know I am not sitting in judgment of others who embrace stereotypic behavior. I have to do what I believe will benefit Tate the most and you have to do what you believe to be best for your child. I'd rather not hear from anyone who believes I did the wrong thing. I will not debate it with you. Thanks! Lisa

This post was written in 2012. You might like to read something more recent about a similar topic. Read Reciprocity

Under Construction

The main road between us and our small town is undergoing some major renovations. The power company and other utilities have been digging and moving things for months. We’ve watched the backhoes and other machinery come and go and I have commented to the kids several times about the road into town being widened. This morning there was a sign up that said “Road closed beginning April 24.” Tate snapped to attention when he saw that sign and began protesting and asking questions. You would have thought he was one of the business owners on the strip that have been complaining loudly about losing income while the road is widened. 

I have been dreading the day the road will close because it has the potential to make our daily trek into school stressful for Tate; and, when Tate is stressed, everybody is stressed. Starting his morning out with a detour will not be easy.

When Tate was really young and we had to take an alternate route to a familiar place he would become anxious and cry sometimes. He could read at a young age and recognize road signs and he became upset when he saw a detour sign, even on an unfamiliar road. At first I thought he was bothered by the bright orange color of the detour signs. He could not verbalize his thoughts or fears to me. I understand now that many people with autism like to do the same thing, the same way every time. He associated the word “detour” with “change” or “different” and these things are scary.

Two or three years ago, one of the major roads going the other direction was closed for a couple of months while a new overpass was being built. We had to use a temporary detour road that was new and built to accommodate traffic through that area. Tate had a major problem with going on “the new road.” He would protest and tell me we were going the wrong way. I explained over and over why we were using the different road for a short time. We weren’t so dependent on that route so I was able to avoid it most of the time. After we had used the temporary road for a couple of months he stopped protesting quite so loudly but always commented on it. I think the new route in to school will be accepted after a couple of weeks because Tate is maturing and learning to be more flexible all the time. I just wish he didn’t have to deal with the anxiety initially. I suppose it will get easier all the time. Tate is also “under construction” just like the road.

If you liked this post, here is another about Tate's unique way of looking at things: Pranks Phone Calls and Teaching Tate

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Impulse Control

She's into everything!

One of the biggest concerns we have about Sydney is her lack of impulse control. If she thinks it, she says it. If she sees it, she reaches out to touch it. If she wants it, she grabs it. A person with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome often lacks the “filter” the rest of us have. Because Sydney doesn’t plan ahead, natural consequences and cause-and-effect are not really the teachers that they should be. Sometimes she does learn to control a behavior or an impulse in a certain situation because of repetition. But, if that same situation doesn’t come up again for a while, she will probably forget and have to relearn the consequence. It is frustrating to us all, her included I imagine. 

This evening we did a little shopping. Levi had some birthday money to spend. Sydney emptied her piggy bank a few nights ago and had twenty dollars. Numbers mean nothing to her but I patiently explained at length what twenty dollars could and could not do for her. We went to Target. She saw many things she wanted that were way out of her price range and just could NOT understand why she couldn’t walk out with them but I stood firm. She settled on a small squishy dinosaur that was only a few dollars. She loves those squishy toys. Her sensory needs are extraordinary. Levi didn’t find what he wanted in Target so we went over to Best Buy. Sydney saw a DVD box with a dolphin on it. It was Season One of the old television show, “Flipper” and it was only $9.99, on sale. She was THRILLED when I said she had enough money left to buy it. Sydney has two favorite animals: cows and dolphins. Once, at the end of the school day she did not come out with her class. She had a substitute teacher that day and the sub and I had to hunt Sydney down. She was in the library looking for a book about dolphins. She did not understand why the grownups did not know that was where she would be. It was only logical she thought. UGH!

Sydney with her brothers, Levi and Tate.
She sometimes just called them "the brothers."

  
After Best Buy we went to Walmart to get a few things. Sydney wanted one of everything we saw.  I told her over and over she didn’t have enough money left to buy anything else and she was not going to get anything in Walmart. She whined. She shed a few tears. She kept asking. I asked her to stop. I told her to stop. I demanded she stop. I finally got down and quietly chewed her out for misbehaving. I told her to watch the boys and see how they were acting. They were not getting anything in Walmart but they were not complaining. I lectured her about being thankful for what she had gotten at the other stores. I talked to her about how much she was going to love watching her dolphin show when we got home. I told her NOT to ask me for ONE more thing in Walmart. I asked her if she understood. She said she did. I had her repeat to me that she would not ask for anything else, “not one more thing.” We got about ten feet from where I had stopped to lecture her and she saw a book. Can you guess what I heard? “OH MOM, LOOK! I WANT THAT BOOK! Can I have it?” I said “SYDNEY!  REMEMBER? Not one more thing?” She looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about.   

Almost every evening, at some point, Sydney and Shawn play a game of cards. It has helped her a lot with number recognition and she loves nothing more than having Shawn’s undivided attention. They usually play “Go Fish” but some nights it is “Slap Jack” or another game. She talks the ENTIRE time they play. She chatters without taking a breath. She CAN NOT keep quiet about what cards she has either. She will tell Shawn what her cards are as soon as they begin, no matter how many times we remind her to keep quiet. Sometimes she tells him by saying “Dad, do NOT ask for 2s or 5s.” Last night, when one of her cards fell on the floor she hollered, "Don't look at that Queen!" She cracks us up every night. Sydney has such a great Daddy. He is so patient. He got a double dose of impulse control so he has enough for both of them. 

If you found this post interesting, here is a similar one: heart attacks and loose teeth.

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In the dark

This morning Tate asked me if the power went out at home yesterday. I thought a minute and said “No. Did it go out at school?” He said that it had. Levi and Sydney chimed in that the power had gone out at their schools, as well. I asked Tate if the power going out had bothered him and he said it had not. Why is this worthy of me writing about? There are a couple of reasons. First, Tate doesn’t often share anything with me about his day, nor does he usually begin casual conversations. He began a conversation with a question about me and my day, which led to sharing something with me about his experience away from home. Secondly, Tate has overcome (for the most part) one of his biggest anxieties: power outages. 

It began when he was a toddler. A power flicker sent him into a meltdown. There would be crying, hyperventilating, and lots of stimming. If the power stayed off for more than a few minutes and it was anywhere close to bedtime, I would just take him to my bed and hold him tight until he fell asleep. He was so terrified. As Tate got older he became obsessed about the whole issue. He worried about the power going out and talked about it a lot. Because he didn’t really have conversations but mostly just talked AT us, it was hard to reason with him about anything. If it looked like rain then he began worrying. It took me a while to understand what the real issue was. I thought maybe he had a fear there might be a tornado since we do live in Kansas and have many warnings. I thought he was afraid of the thunder and lighting and the dark when the power went out. I bought flashlights that charge in the outlet and stay lit when the power goes out. I wrote a social story about storms and the dark. But, I discovered it wasn’t really about the darkness or the storm outside so much. He was really afraid of the unpredictability. He had to be able to COUNT ON the lights when he flipped the switch. Tate’s world revolves around the television and other technology. When the lights went out, the television stopped and the VCR stopped; and it was all out of his control. The meltdown was not out of anger and never about the fact that the movie ended prematurely, as it might have been for a typical toddler. The meltdown was out of anxiety because he did not KNOW when the power would come back on and the television and lights were no longer reliable. Tate has to KNOW what comes next to feel secure. His world is much smaller than yours or mine. Tate has never had the amount of anxiety away from home in a power outage that he has had at home during a power outage. At school they would tell me he might act a little nervous but never have a meltdown. I worried that the school staff might think my warnings about power outages were exaggerated or that I somehow caused the anxiety he had myself. When you have a child with autism who does not communicate well, it is hard not to worry about what other people think. I believe he saved the extreme reaction for me because he could “be himself” with me and show me his anxieties. Of course, there was no television to go out at school and that helped too. I saw evidence of him being anxious about the power outages at school when he returned home.  He saved it for me. It was similar when Tate had a substitute teacher. I asked over and over for “them” to warn me when there would be a substitute but he did not melt down over having a sub at school so “they” did not seem to believe that it was a real issue. He saved the anxiety for me. He would talk about it all evening and ask me who his teacher would be the next day. If I didn’t know for sure then I couldn’t tell him. A lot of times the regular education teachers let me know if there would be a para switch (if they knew themselves) and they always let me know if they would not be there themselves. With warning Tate did well with a substitute. Springing it on him caused anxiety. He needed the predictability. He still needs the predictability but he is more able to handle irregularity now. 

Tate didn’t have a reaction to yesterday’s power outage at home or at school (I asked). Since he only casually mentioned it to me this morning I am elated at the progress we have made. The last few times we have had power outages at home he retired to his bed with a flashlight and a battery operated game. He stims a little more but he does not cry or panic. There is light at the end of our dark tunnel… pun intended. 

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Giving credit where credit is due

In some of my other posts I have talked about the progress Tate has made. I would like to give credit to some of the people who have made the progress possible. The number one reason Tate is able to do what he can today and he is not nearly as handicapped as he once was, is because we hired Nan, a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, as soon as we got the diagnosis of autism. I usually just call her our Behavior Consultant. She knows more about autism than anyone else I have met. I will always be grateful to her; because without her, we would not have the Tate we have today.  We saw progress immediately when Nan began working with Tate. I can only imagine all the times my phone calls have interrupted her sleep, work, and family time. Nan goes with me to IEP meetings and has helped me to obtain so many services for Tate that I would not have even known to ask for myself. She has become like family to us. 

Tate and Melissa

A Baker student named Melissa came to work with Tate in our in-home program before he started preschool. She stuck with us for a long time and she is dear to my heart. She was just finishing up her teaching degree and doing her student teaching in an elementary school when she began working with Tate. After working with Tate a short time she decided to go back to school and teach children with autism. She finished and has made an impact on many children with autism now. She is a fantastic teacher; one of the best we’ve known.

There were many college students that worked with Tate in his early intervention program during his preschool years. I could not begin to name them all. Tate developed real relationships with some of them and most could motivate him to work hard. They made learning fun. Tate had such a crush on one of his first teachers that he would work just to see her smile. I watched one student “drag” Tate through the sprinkler and get soaked herself many times so he could experience the water play his peers so enjoyed. Tate idolized one of his last teachers and I believe he is the reason Tate wears a hat faithfully.  That teacher always wore a ball cap and he called Tate his best buddy. That really meant something to Tate. One teacher told me she always drank an energy drink before working with Tate because she had to have enough energy for both of them. She was also one of the best. Tate could always tell if a teacher really enjoyed being with him or if they were there just to fulfill their practicum requirements. Many times the college students gave us valuable ideas and feedback that helped Tate to grow and learn.

Tate with Richie

Tate has had some extraordinary paraprofessionals over the years. His very first para in kindergarten actually had been one of the practicum students we had in his preschool program. Shelly is a “kid magnet” and was so good for Tate’s social skills and academics that year. I wish we could have kept her! The para Tate had in first and second grade was very good with Tate.  She was able to keep him motivated much of the time and she helped to give Tate the sense of humor he has now. I will always be thankful for her. The para Tate has currently is an amazing guy. He is a natural with Tate and can almost read his mind at times. Tate idolizes him and wants to please him so Tate works hard at school and enjoys doing it. A paraprofessional is not paid very much but can make such an impact on the life of a child. They are in the business of making a difference.

Tate has had some remarkable speech pathologists since he started public school. They have supervised lunch buddy programs and social skills groups and role played with Tate.  We have learned about reciprocity, conversation skills, follow up questions, and much more.  Tate has learned so much in his speech classes. When Tate began school and I was told he qualified for time with a speech pathologist I didn’t understand why. He pronounced words just fine. I have learned, speech isn’t about the pronunciation of words; but it is about communication and social skills. I am so thankful for the speech teachers we have known. 

I did not know what an O.T. was when Tate began school. The same Occupational Therapist has been on Tate’s IEP team since kindergarten. The O.T. our district employs is one of the most amazing people we have encountered in public school. She works so hard to help Tate be successful and she always has great ideas. She puts in a lot more than forty hours a week, often working in the evening on books she wants to rewrite at Tate’s level and other things that will help him. She has also introduced us to technology in the classroom.  She is always an encourager.

Mrs. Iverson, Tate, Mrs. Kelly

The Resource Room teacher Tate has this year is unparalleled. I can’t even begin to describe the differences in our lives because we have her on our team. We were not able to have a working relationship with a RR teacher before. We have seen more progress this year than we have since Tate began kindergarten. Tate’s RR teacher is a bundle of energy.  She is knowledgeable, kind, humble, professional, and she shares information with me so we are working together. I have so much confidence in her. I trust her and I like her and she is an answer to my prayers.

Lastly, I have to mention Tate’s principals and general education teachers. The rural school Tate attended in kindergarten, first, second and third grade was a wonderful place. The principal was top notch and the teachers were all some of the best educators I have ever known.  Tate’s teachers were cooperative, kind and so willing to make accommodations for Tate. They made Tate feel like he was a valuable part of the class, even when he was not doing the same work the rest of the class was doing. The teachers went above and beyond what was required of them, often without being asked. Our rural school was closed last year and the move to town was much easier than I anticipated for Tate. The move went well, in part, because the principal at Tate’s new school was so supportive. He allowed me to take pictures, visit the school several times with Tate, and to give teachers and students information about autism. The fourth grade teacher Tate has now is so talented and giving.  She always goes the extra mile. She is creative and “thinks out of the box.” She has used video clips and songs to teach Tate concepts or to motivate him. She is always willing to “go the extra mile.” I wish I could keep Tate in fourth grade a few more years. That is how much I like his fourth grade teacher. I am, however, excited about the teacher Tate will have next year as she moved into town with us from the rural school and she is one of my very favorite people on the planet. 

In a nutshell, above are some of the people that have impacted Tate’s progress, which in turn affects our whole family. I will probably edit over and over as I think of people I should have mentioned. I am not sure people always understand their significance or the difference they make in the lives of the children they teach. I have raised (or am raising) five typically developing children. Their teachers have made a difference! However, it is my experience, when a child has a disability or cannot communicate well, the differences a teacher can make seem to be even bigger. When a teacher takes her responsibility (the job she or he signed up for) seriously she can move mountains. When a teacher bullies, is uncooperative or lazy, the student cannot make progress and a lot of time is lost that can never be regained. A teacher has the ability to make our lives so much easier or to make our lives much more difficult. Small things that would only take minutes can sometimes save Tate (and our family) hours of anxiety. Thankfully, we have had dozens and dozens of people who did take their jobs seriously for every one that did not. I can only remember a very few who would have made better “burger flippers” than teachers. 

An Easter joke

Tate’s literal thinking keeps him from getting the punch line of most jokes. Many of the funny things Tate says, he has learned from a television show or movie.  He has the ability to often use those phrases in an appropriate situation and get a laugh.  We can often identify the television character or show where the joke originated.  This week Tate keeps telling a joke that he modified from a “Sponge Bob” Xmas show.  He modified it to fit Easter, which is tomorrow.  It goes like this: “I cannot believe that anyone would celebrate a holiday where a bunny breaks into your house and leaves gifts in a basket!”  It is cute.  He does understand the joke.  He did generalize it and make it fit the occasion.  However, it is not his own original thought.  He isn’t there yet.  After Tate’s autism diagnosis, at age two and a half, we began early intervention.  We taught him to pretend, but he could then only pretend the things he had been shown.  He could not come up with anything on his own.  However, he does come up with his own sequence of events and original ideas now when pretending. 

Tate is very visual as most people with autism are and cartoons are what he laughs at the most.  Tate LOVES the movie theater and we have spent a lot of time there lately.  We have seen “The Muppet Movie,” “The Big Miracle,” “The Secret World of Arriety,” “Journey to the Mysterious Island,” and “The Lorrax.” When a preferred movie is coming to the big screen or is going to be released on dvd, he knows the date and plans an outing to go to the theater or purchase the dvd.  He can be very persuasive too.  Because he is interested in so few things and asks for almost nothing, I try to accommodate his desires in this area.  I can say “no” when I need to though.  If we see a movie at the theater and I was not happy with the language or storyline then I let him know we will not be purchasing the dvd.  A couple of conversations about it will usually convince him that I am not going to change my mind and he accepts it.    

We have seen the previews to a new release called “Pirates: Band of Misfits” that we are looking forward to.  We have also seen previews for “The Three Stooges” and I am a bit worried about that one but he sure wants to see it.  I try to steer my kids clear of the movies and shows that are crude or crass.  I especially hate bathroom humor.  I told Tate that I would NOT be taking him to see a movie about the stooges so he has asked Dad to take him.  Shawn likes the stooges.  The preview we saw showed the classic move that is used by the stooges where one of them pokes someone in the eyes with two fingers. Tate doubles up laughing, as most boys his age would.  I guess that is a good thing?  I am aiming for “age appropriate behavior.”