tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75993172658971212922024-03-25T01:09:14.893-05:00quirks and chaosMy adventures and thoughts as I mother my two youngest children. They are the youngest of seven and both have special needs: a boy with autism and an adopted little girl with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and ADHD.mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.comBlogger206125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-383849555355630752018-12-11T11:52:00.000-06:002018-12-12T08:40:56.621-06:00Celebrating The Holidays With Autism<div style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">The preconceived notions about what it would be like to parent this child of mine, and the reality we live, are sometimes so far apart it is mind boggling. I had no idea the kinds of challenges we would face, or the immense joys we would experience. I had no idea that my son would lead me into a community of some of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">When I started blogging, I never imagined more than a few dozen people would read what I wrote. I never imagined that I would hear back from hundreds of people and get to share in their joys and frustrations. Life with autism is interesting. Especially, this time of year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">You might recognize some of these scenarios, as I borrowed many of them from you. Many of these we have experienced right here at the Smith house too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">Decking the halls can be a bit challenging for some of us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">What can be more fun than Christmas shopping? Actually, almost anything. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: medium; text-align: center;">And when you are out shopping, you might have the pleasure of running into a Santa!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">But no worries, if you do not see Santa, there's always writing to him! We actually have Tate's letter to Santa on the kitchen table right now, ready to mail. Tate told Santa that he NEEDS a lego set that hasn't been made in years. Of course I found it on eBay for four times what it would have cost me originally. But Santa really needs to deliver. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">One year I helped a friend find elevator parts for her son with autism. Elevator Parts. They are his passion. If you think about it, most of us get useless gifts for Christmas. Why should people with autism be any different? People with autism can be hard to shop for sometimes, but they often have no trouble telling us what they really want.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">Visiting in our home can take a toll on a person's self-esteem. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: medium;">I've heard from so many from the autism community that wish for less "advice" during family get togethers. People mean well. Most of them anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: medium;">Let me finish with one straight from our home. Tate is the tradition enforcer. Sometimes we did not even know we had started some of them, as with many of the other precedents we have accidentally set. Who knew that The Grinch is a Monday movie and Rudolph is only watched on Tuesdays? </span></span></div>
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If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also like <a href="https://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/08/you-may-be-autism-parent-if.html" target="_blank">You May Be An Autism Parent If...</a></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-52418618857485687612018-06-30T21:11:00.002-05:002018-07-01T09:03:51.279-05:00Not in Kansas Anymore<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">We are not in Kansas anymore. We are travelling this weekend. Today, my nephew got married in Texas, much to Tate’s annoyance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">Tate has known about this event for months and months, and the specifics have dominated much of his time and energy. I think Tate even went through the steps of grief before we came. There was denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Tate has been resigned for several days to the fact that he would indeed be coming with the rest of the family for this wedding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">Sydney and I actually came to Texas several days ahead of my husband and sons. Trying to make things as easy as possible on the guys, I packed them before I left. I put Tate’s clothes in a brown paper bag for his dad to later place into their suitcase. I wrote on the paper bag with a marker, reminding them not to forget Tate’s toothbrush. And after I got that done, I drove away. And then I started getting texts from Tate, as did all his brothers and sisters and his dad. That brown paper bag was quite offensive to Tate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">This is not the first time Tate has gone on a trip with us, determined to make it his last. He’s been to several college graduations out of state, and a couple of other weddings. Each time he goes through all the same steps, trying to convince me how unnecessary these trips are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">This time is the first time that Tate has planned a retirement party to seal the deal. In our hotel room tomorrow, before we head for home, Tate will be presenting a speech that he has written. He is officially retiring. I almost feel like I should have gotten him a gold watch for the occasion. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">It does not seem to be the travelling itself that Tate hates, as much as it is the absence of being home. These trips ruin Tate’s regular routine, and infringe on his need to keep things predictable and the same. He is way out of his comfort zone. Tate has been pacing and wringing his hands at the hotel and at the wedding reception, unable to relax. Tomorrow, we will head for home. Monday morning Tate will wake up in his own bed and everything will be right in his world again. Well, until the next graduation or wedding, which according to Tate had better be in Kansas, on a Monday, or he is NOT coming. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Note: Night 2 there was no sleep. Not one minute of sleep for Tate. And this is the most recent text...</div>
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Tate's dad and I are leaning toward an adult babysitter next time we have to travel. UGH!</div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-91801138076898916482017-11-11T11:20:00.000-06:002017-11-11T11:20:01.546-06:00My heart isn't ready yet to listen to reason<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14pt;">My dad has been gone now
for over two months. Some days are still really hard. One of the hardest was
about one month ago when daddy had been gone for a full month. That day was
really hard. I journaled at the end of that hard day. Journaling is my therapy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I stood in front of his closet, and pulled his shirts from their
hangers, one by one. Some I folded and stacked in a pile, others I wadded for
the trash. Mamma sat and watched, making comments about each shirt. Some he’d
owned for thirty years. A few were much newer. Almost every one held a memory
for me. I had been avoiding this task for a month, needing to keep Daddy’s
presence in the house just a little bit longer. Somehow, his things were doing
that for me. But slowly, one by one, his things were being given away, or
thrown out.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As I took each shirt from its hanger, I held back my tears.
Crying sure wouldn’t make the task easier. But then I reached into the closet
and pulled out a pair of khaki dress pants, his belt still through the loops.
This was the last pair of pants dad wore before pajamas became his permanent
attire, and I remembered the day he wore them last. I hugged him that day,
right before he got into the car in the church building parking lot. He looked
weak and was breathing heavy.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I pulled the belt from the loops and couldn’t hold the tears back
any longer. He is really gone.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">After the closet was empty of all Daddy’s belongings, I moved to
his dresser drawers and began emptying those. Missing from the top of the
dresser was the ceramic dish that he’d always emptied his pockets into.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s across the road, on my dresser
in my own bedroom now. But it doesn’t really belong there. It belongs on
Daddy’s dresser, where it has been since I was a little girl.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I keep asking myself “Why do these material things matter to me?” I know
better than to define people by their belongings. Dad wasn’t defined by his
clothes, or his shelf full of John Wayne movies, or his favorite chair.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I remind myself every day that his body is gone, but he has a
soul that is living on, much better off now. He’s cancer free and definitely
not missing his life on earth or his things. But my mind and my heart are in a
tug of war. My heart isn’t ready yet to listen to reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That was my journal entry
that day. And today I looked back at it and added this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">A month ago, I took
daddy’s clothes to the Goodwill store. I handed them the bags of clothing and a
few things on hangers. But when I got to the bottom of the pile I felt panic. I
didn’t want to give Dad’s clothes away! So I left one gray suit in my car. I
told myself I’d keep it just a little longer and drop it off another day.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And one month later,
two plus months after my daddy left me, I am still driving around with one of
his suits in the back of my car. I know it is getting more wrinkled and dusty
with each passing day. I’ve had dozens of opportunities to donate it but I
always tell myself “I’ll keep it just a few more days. Then I will leave it.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know that I will
eventually let it go, but my heart isn’t ready yet to listen to reason.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-36052533696970890722017-07-17T08:58:00.002-05:002017-07-17T08:58:54.023-05:00Being Strong During the Toughest of Times<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A few evenings ago you told me that you are too weak
and tired to go on, and you need me to be strong for you. You, the strong one, my
man of steel, need me to help you during the hardest time of your life. You
asked me to stay close to home from here on out, because you feel safer knowing I
am close. Me, the weak one, your little girl, makes you feel safer. How can
that be? I thought you were invincible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgYUHikNV0uUfigho6S8YBbc9VWOeoc-baViI2zCsfwhOrA2CpaIEYHkKXOdQa_T5qDwWGcKeHda19T3EWgpc_8PNVrOypAq6C8LxFtWX23-FDqREP9ZyAX7HxocJ97_vIbpgsFLk0Pax/s1600/IMG_3038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="828" data-original-width="608" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgYUHikNV0uUfigho6S8YBbc9VWOeoc-baViI2zCsfwhOrA2CpaIEYHkKXOdQa_T5qDwWGcKeHda19T3EWgpc_8PNVrOypAq6C8LxFtWX23-FDqREP9ZyAX7HxocJ97_vIbpgsFLk0Pax/s320/IMG_3038.JPG" width="234" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The surgeries, the needles, the drain tube, and the
awful diagnosis scared me, but not you. You stayed strong. You said comforting
things to me, and told me you were not afraid. And you were not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Sixteen months ago, the doctors said you had weeks to
live. I said, “<i>You</i> don’t know <i>my dad</i>. He is not like most other guys.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But things are getting harder physically now. You are
tired. It turns out that you, my superhero, can get tired, too tired to carry
on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You have taught me so many things over the years, and
you are still teaching me. These last few months you have been teaching me how
to be strong during the toughest of times. You have so much wisdom, and so much
faith. You have been such a great example. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My mind is whirling. I am playing all of my favorite
times with you over and over again in my head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember when you taught me to drive? I was really
struggling with the manual transmission. The drivers’ ed teacher tried to teach
me about the friction point and how to apply the gas while letting up on the
clutch. I couldn’t get it right. But you taught me in one evening in your old
Nissan pick up truck. I wrecked that truck once. You never even frowned at me.
You were just glad I wasn’t hurt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I was your passenger the last time you were behind a
steering wheel. Your reflexes had slowed, but you did not scare me. I had more confidence in you than you did yourself. But, when you were sure you no longer wanted to drive, it only meant
that I got to spend even more time with you, driving you everywhere you needed
to go. You planned all your outings around lunchtime so you could always treat
me to lunch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember teaching me to shoot? You set up targets in
the garage so I could practice with a pellet gun, and then you took me hunting.
When I repeatedly begged you to let me shoot your shotgun, you stood right
behind me to absorb the recoil that I was so sure I could handle on my own. That
kick was hard, and would have knocked me down. You were ready with your body braced right behind me and you caught me. You always
let me try to be independent, and then stepped in to catch me when I had overestimated
my ability. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I wish you could be there forever, standing right
behind me, ready to absorb the shock for me. The shock I will feel soon will be
far worse than a physical one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember the times you took me coon hunting with your
dad? I know you both had to walk so much slower with me along. Maybe you knew
you were helping me to make memories that would last a lifetime. And maybe you
knew that someday you would be the one asking me to walk so much slower so you
could keep up with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The past few days your steps are shaky and unsure. You
could not make it from the bedroom to the living room this week, and you sat
down in the walker so I could move you. I made a very awkward attempt at
pushing you, then walking backward and pulling you. We both chuckled at my
attempts. What if that is the last time I hear you laugh? Oh how you have made
me laugh over the years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Do you remember surprising me with my first car? You
sent me to the garage, and you were close behind because you wanted to see the
look on my face when I discovered that car in the garage. But I still remember
the look on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> face. You were as
excited as I was! I think that very used orange Ford Pinto was as beautiful to you
and I as a shiny new sports car would have been to most folks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once I was four hundred miles from home and that old
Pinto was making a strange noise. You spoke on the phone to a mechanic who
could not find the problem. You told me to start for home, and you stayed near
the phone until I walked in the door. I knew that if I had broken down anywhere
along the way, you would have done whatever it took to rescue me. There have
been so many times in my life I have called you to come and rescue me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Recently, I have had to rescue you on occasion. I
would gladly keep on rescuing you if only you could stay with me a little while
longer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Do you remember when I called home from college to
tell you that I had met the man I was going to marry? You said, “Does <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he</i> know that?” I answered, “not yet” and
I described him to you. I could almost hear you smiling on the phone as I told
you about his love for God, his ability to defend the truth, and his hard work ethic.
I was sure he was the one for me because he is so much like you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember all the games of Canasta? Remember all the
pony rides and fishing trips? Remember teaching me to ride a bike, catch a
baseball, hammer a nail, start a fire and saddle a horse? I thought I’d never
learn to tie that cinch knot, but you just kept showing me day after day until
I had it. Every time I tie a cinch knot I think of you and how patient you
were. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-5lGArUa6r6tBGrh1lOlilUQES1TyD2a7bfJTB_cq1aA8YeQGXdVu9L5EutFVHiTm2SmtCADQPn_YATayIexds-bwQs2vOyo6cELDJHR3QYPXK4rYpLzgD78i0AMeYF8oKDlp7LqQsuU/s1600/scan0016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1034" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-5lGArUa6r6tBGrh1lOlilUQES1TyD2a7bfJTB_cq1aA8YeQGXdVu9L5EutFVHiTm2SmtCADQPn_YATayIexds-bwQs2vOyo6cELDJHR3QYPXK4rYpLzgD78i0AMeYF8oKDlp7LqQsuU/s400/scan0016.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Thank you for all the times you pushed me on a swing.
Thank you for all the times you baited my hook, and gave up fishing with your
own pole to help me with mine. Thank you for letting me come to work with you
sometimes so I could see what you did. Thank you for making sure I never missed
a church service. Thank you for insisting I go to college, and for all the
overtime you worked to pay for my education. Thank you for helping my husband
to wire, plumb, trim and paint the house we built. Thank you for loving my kids
and giving them such great memories to hold onto. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Thank you for teaching me how to be strong during the toughest
of times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Note: Sixteen months ago, my Dad was supposed to be breathing his last. He lived much longer than the doctors anticipated. I have valued the extra time so much. This is the post I wrote sitting in his hospital room all those months ago: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/04/take-another-breath-daddy.html" target="_blank">Take Another Breath Daddy</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-47253361121919400612017-04-29T10:04:00.000-05:002017-05-04T16:36:59.387-05:00When Even Numbers Become Odd<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14pt;">The first time it happened I
scratched my head and dismissed it as odd. The second time I raised my eyebrows
and thought “Oh no. Please let me be wrong”. The third time I knew: my son with
autism has added to his rigid routine. There is one more hoop he now jumps through
so he can keep his world well-ordered and balanced.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijW_WiRB0dSJ7B8oaCP5FiFcZfJhwZxtQdtMIVBs-tMXnvmBeeMA5GrVDDU8go4ZIV8nDJumv29-05A38LJ355WDKxv3p-YQm_49yyfalubwaKojBctRocUDFRBfTzC31vO5WSEF23Fw-R/s1600/IMG_4168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijW_WiRB0dSJ7B8oaCP5FiFcZfJhwZxtQdtMIVBs-tMXnvmBeeMA5GrVDDU8go4ZIV8nDJumv29-05A38LJ355WDKxv3p-YQm_49yyfalubwaKojBctRocUDFRBfTzC31vO5WSEF23Fw-R/s320/IMG_4168.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">"I'm makin' waffles" is a favorite <br />movie line at our house.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">Routine is very important in our
house. My son with autism needs many things to stay the same. Sometimes those
routines are easy to accommodate, and sometimes they are not. Sometimes they
are harmless, and sometimes they are not. Sometimes, knowing the difference is tricky. The same breakfast every morning has not been an issue that
mattered to us. Two waffles and a glass of milk: nothing peculiar about that, right?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">Most mornings for the past two
years, my fifteen-year-old son Tate rises each morning to fix himself two
toaster waffles. Up until a couple of years ago, I prepared his waffles, and if
I was unavailable then he was able to get himself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast
Crunch, his favorite cereal. When Tate showed an interest in making his own
waffles, I taught him how. He had a very hard time spreading margarine on them
so he chose to eliminate that step and do without. He’s become very independent
in the mornings, and I have been encouraged and relieved that he can do so much
more for himself now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">Recently, I noticed Tate had three
waffles and I was tickled to see him “mixing it up” a bit. The number two was
not a fixed number for him! The next few days he was back to two waffles. A few
days later it was three again. And then the third time I saw he had three
waffles, I realized there is a pattern. On the days Tate’s little sister
chooses to have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a</i> waffle (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yes “A” waffle</i>, as she only eats one), those are the days he has a third waffle. So, I began to experiment. If I also
had one waffle on the days my daughter chose to eat one, then Tate had two.
Yesterday, I asked Tate if he were going to eat two or three waffles. He told
me he did not know, and that he needed to see the box of waffles. I asked him why, but I already
knew. He said he needed to count the waffles. I counted and told him there were
seven waffles. He said he would have three. I told him that I was going to have
one too. He then told me, “in that case, I will have two waffles today.” He
does not want to have an odd number of waffles left in the box. It must be
even.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The number of waffles on his plate
did not matter, but the number left in the box did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">But before I even had time to
think long about that issue, a similar issue came up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you have followed my blog long,
you will already know that Tate has a love of laundry, clean laundry. He brings
me the hampers in the house every-other-day, usually on his own, and becomes my
taskmaster until I have completed it. Once the family’s clothes and all the
towels are clean and in their proper places, he believes his job as my
supervisor is over, until the next time. Part of Tate’s routine is to bring the
hamper from his own upstairs bedroom, along with the hamper from the bathroom
upstairs, one in each hand, down the stairs. He hauls them to the laundry room,
where he dumps them. It is sometimes quite a heavy load but he is a strong guy
and those hampers come down as a pair. Always.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">Last evening, I was preparing to
do laundry and I asked Tate to bring me his hamper. Tate usually follows
directions nicely. Even if he verbally objects to my request, he usually
complies. But this time, he did not move. He told me he could not get his
hamper because someone was in the shower upstairs. I was preoccupied with my
own thoughts and told him that I had not requested the hamper from the
bathroom, but only needed him to bring me the one from his own room. He repeated
that he could not do that until the person in the shower was finished. I stopped
what I was doing and looked at him. I insisted that he go bring me one hamper
now and then he could bring me the other later. He slowly turned and went up
the stairs. He returned with his hamper, looking visibly pained. He then went
back upstairs to wait at the bathroom door for the other hamper to become
available to him. I had always assumed he brought me two hampers at a time, out
of convenience, not as part of a compulsion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">And so the turmoil inside my mind
begins: “Does waffle counting ‘hurt’ anyone? Does the fact that Tate prefers to
bring those two hampers down together, really make a difference in the grand
scheme of things? I can let these things go. This is not a big deal. After all,
things like his love of laundry are a bit odd, but we work around that. And
only getting a haircut on Thursdays can be managed most of the time”. And then
I have the other thoughts: “Clean laundry is something everyone needs, and doing the laundry is a skill he can use. But a
bag of even numbered waffles is not. This will just be the beginning if I
ignore it. We have battled things much bigger than this and come out victorious”.
I know from experience that I have to work hard to eliminate this, before it
rules his life, and the lives of those around him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">Knowing that some of Tate’s rigid
eccentricities over the years have become a real handicap to him, gives me the
motivation that I need to resolve myself. I will begin immediately to enforce some
new rules. There will be a two waffle per person limit at the Smith house now,
regardless of the number left in the package. And hampers will come down the
stairs one at a time. If this is like past behaviors we have dealt with, then
we are in for a rough three or four weeks before Tate can breathe easy about
breaking his new ingrained rules and routine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14pt;">When Tate was younger and demanded
we drive the same route to any given place, we had to use some tough love to
teach him that the path did not matter as long as we got to the desired
destination. When he tried to assign us all seats in the living room, we had to
use some tough love to teach him that he did not get to choose for people where
they would sit. These things are no longer a problem for Tate. But what if we
had not tried to help him to overcome his unrealistic orders? He would be
enslaved to the routines that he now finds unnecessary. And our family would be
too. Yes, the next few weeks will be tough ones, but the benefits of the hard work
will far outweigh the short-term peace I could have by ignoring the new hoops
Tate has erected to jump through.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif5x-zWf6g3CpCeZJBH1LPSreAFW4HkqS8ILU0L3J3JPxnn3R1YTAqlifiXdMEXnEJuvFB25sNFoHO2H7KnaKvKfcFQEsMXB_BUBsJ7g5UNq34rfkC_zaHeo1VkBBszn0CbDNWd2ascPYa/s1600/IMG_4171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif5x-zWf6g3CpCeZJBH1LPSreAFW4HkqS8ILU0L3J3JPxnn3R1YTAqlifiXdMEXnEJuvFB25sNFoHO2H7KnaKvKfcFQEsMXB_BUBsJ7g5UNq34rfkC_zaHeo1VkBBszn0CbDNWd2ascPYa/s200/IMG_4171.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: medium;">Note: After explaining to Tate that I had a couple of new rules, the hampers coming down one at a time does not seem to be nearly as big of a deal to him as the new limit on waffles. It did occur to me that he may decide he is only going to have ONE waffle now some days. I may have to work hard making sure some days we are left with an uneven number of waffles. But then: who is obsessing over the number of waffles in the package? Me or him? This is not an easy tight rope I am walking on. </span></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-41758154289643275982017-02-14T21:10:00.000-06:002017-02-14T22:40:09.932-06:00Once Upon a Time: Autism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-cNNZCYk_aORD13TXCVKz6SyjpTiXgxJUIv2RqnIkiS6ilF2q_4Clqpso24Aw8n-kRgEtwfIfQMpCtai0zsaOj00ULrN71xzwp7_Tf5lZcoe7R_7gUbhtToVusLuH1h5yo84QgdfT1a5/s1600/scan0214.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-cNNZCYk_aORD13TXCVKz6SyjpTiXgxJUIv2RqnIkiS6ilF2q_4Clqpso24Aw8n-kRgEtwfIfQMpCtai0zsaOj00ULrN71xzwp7_Tf5lZcoe7R_7gUbhtToVusLuH1h5yo84QgdfT1a5/s400/scan0214.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">2003</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Once upon a time, there was a mother who was blessed
with a wonderful husband, and a houseful of precious children. The mother was very happy and content. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, there was a mother who envisioned
great things for her children. She imagined drivers’ licenses, high
school graduations, colleges, careers, weddings and another generation of
babies someday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The mother spent her days caring for her children,
watching them play and learn, amazed at their ability to absorb information
from their environment. She often described them as little sponges, once upon a
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG_HIxF6b-DZK-BrJ-hJYA_4phoDGgW8yoyeD53oAp2jcy2mK94VD-GkLdE-HcAEWjHZj2fgy5ziU1yFTcz0Mtec3q1sEZX1AYQPT7mLth2grVqKZbpKVGvtigTy_DH-m-3Vdl8CgkiGp2/s1600/Chuck+E+Cheese+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG_HIxF6b-DZK-BrJ-hJYA_4phoDGgW8yoyeD53oAp2jcy2mK94VD-GkLdE-HcAEWjHZj2fgy5ziU1yFTcz0Mtec3q1sEZX1AYQPT7mLth2grVqKZbpKVGvtigTy_DH-m-3Vdl8CgkiGp2/s320/Chuck+E+Cheese+4.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But there was one child, the youngest boy, who was
different than the rest. He had stopped absorbing information from his
environment. The mother watched him regress, stop talking, and distance himself
from his siblings, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, there was a mother who lay awake at
night worrying and wondering, wishing, hoping and praying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And the mother was afraid for her son, once upon a
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, there was a mother who sat in a
doctor’s examination room with her young son and heard the word: autism. The
doctor asked the mother questions. The mother asked the doctor questions. The
mother cried and asked God questions, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A mother's hopes and dreams for her young
son’s future were dashed, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXWbIiMgwFuBeVlZyB8daQYc0Mc7YkLtc9wnTo0k31_rfNSEsyvxqsWPs2KLMamL7CDAegj5jAljxyxUFssnF2KKn3RMDfm-4JP7dbpVcrKenPgPg1E6EH5TQLDZp6BCJXn6FTDWGC9Mdm/s1600/Screen+Shot+2015-04-23+at+10.22.45+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXWbIiMgwFuBeVlZyB8daQYc0Mc7YkLtc9wnTo0k31_rfNSEsyvxqsWPs2KLMamL7CDAegj5jAljxyxUFssnF2KKn3RMDfm-4JP7dbpVcrKenPgPg1E6EH5TQLDZp6BCJXn6FTDWGC9Mdm/s320/Screen+Shot+2015-04-23+at+10.22.45+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, there was a home filled with echoing,
spinning, toe walking, irrational fears, a limited diet, erratic sleep patterns and unusual fixations. The same Disney songs and movie clips were rewound and played over and over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A mother prayed often, and begged God earnestly for patience, understanding,
and wisdom, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, a mother rolled up her sleeves and
learned to be more than a mother to her son. The mother became a therapist, a researcher,
an advocate, a cheerleader, and a teacher. The mother fought hard to find all
the help her son needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, there was a mother in a race against
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The mother went to conferences and classes. She read
books and made phone calls. The mother contacted professors, authors and
doctors to ask about behaviors, therapies and outcomes. The mother left no
stone unturned, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, a mother invited people into her
home to help her son, and the boy made huge gains. The mother was optimistic
and talked of “recovery”. She set goals for her son, and took data, celebrating
every achievement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, a mother and father emptied savings
accounts, mortgaged the house, borrowed money, and did without many things to
give their son every opportunity to be the best that he could be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The mother went to I.E.P. meetings and learned
acronyms like I.D.E.A., F.A.P.E. and E.S.Y. She found out about rights and
responsibilities, privacy policies, inclusion, and the least restrictive
environment. The mother felt overwhelmed, once upon a time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But there were remarkable teachers, principals, speech
pathologists, and one incredible occupational therapist that wowed the mother
with their dedication and ability to teach, once upon a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuBFRm7XH-TxLi_cVYdCciX_LZmEEPlPwexP3As0lRNQSKbqLP97MsFK4qVnWyjBUfVz4ZUzxgq7oQo5cr_U78DXZyNZHXQ6K5A-u3EcP8oeNfKPglx7hIjxgkhlba3ulcoT_udhyPti18/s1600/IMG_3574.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuBFRm7XH-TxLi_cVYdCciX_LZmEEPlPwexP3As0lRNQSKbqLP97MsFK4qVnWyjBUfVz4ZUzxgq7oQo5cr_U78DXZyNZHXQ6K5A-u3EcP8oeNfKPglx7hIjxgkhlba3ulcoT_udhyPti18/s400/IMG_3574.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">2016</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Once upon a time, a mother watched her little boy with
autism grow into a young man. The young man functioned at a level far below his peers in many areas, but he was happy. The mother understood that her son might never drive a
car, but he had learned to ride a bike! The mother knew he would never do
calculus, but he was able to add, subtract, and multiply! The mother knew he
probably would not date or marry, but he had real friends who liked him for who
he was. And the mother was so proud of her son. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A son taught his mother much more than she had been able to teach him, once upon a time.</span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">Once upon a time, there was a mother who was blessed with a wonderful husband, and a houseful of precious children. The mother was very happy and content. </span><span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvAKw5EcPOEUaTzPUz8q0S41GMmbNKU9VUDKRyDSYYyMSZ5OzK5NVMN_kkhP67zWJ3XuK8DPu9jJ_uvA6a4HG8wpJcAox5DCclKXWMTobH-upRido76x6RjM2T3GVgi_Rn1mwK7N3cJJMO/s1600/scan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvAKw5EcPOEUaTzPUz8q0S41GMmbNKU9VUDKRyDSYYyMSZ5OzK5NVMN_kkhP67zWJ3XuK8DPu9jJ_uvA6a4HG8wpJcAox5DCclKXWMTobH-upRido76x6RjM2T3GVgi_Rn1mwK7N3cJJMO/s640/scan.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p>mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-85476041605979049382017-01-13T08:00:00.000-06:002017-01-13T08:00:45.018-06:00Puzzle Pieces Are Conversation Starters<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I once started a blog post with <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/08/you-may-be-autism-parent-if.html" target="_blank">“You may be an autism parent if”</a>. It was a fun article and well received by my readers. One of my
statements was: “You may be an autism parent if </span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">you have tee shirts and
jewelry with puzzle pieces on them and your car sports an autism awareness
bumper sticker”.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s true that over the years I have acquired
several tee shirts that declare myself a part of the autism community. My
favorite necklace has a puzzle piece charm and my son’s initial on it. Why do I
do it? Why do I like to wear clothing and jewelry that identify me as someone
whose life is touched by autism?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8We9koxN1QMiJBFeek-DG9EnQt_QNBCrlhrafBN7XSIbIqiwJGmT_bnlJdvl9wFLSwHOXPoWuaV34dvhX4QiRDb3d00xUyEl3Xi9hj-aXngFtK4TfwDkiD4mOuAScHQs9qaaFtnn7xq-j/s1600/IMG_3008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8We9koxN1QMiJBFeek-DG9EnQt_QNBCrlhrafBN7XSIbIqiwJGmT_bnlJdvl9wFLSwHOXPoWuaV34dvhX4QiRDb3d00xUyEl3Xi9hj-aXngFtK4TfwDkiD4mOuAScHQs9qaaFtnn7xq-j/s320/IMG_3008.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">When I walk out of my home wearing clothing or carrying
a tote embellished with the Autism Speaks’ “light it up blue” slogan, I never
know what kind of interactions might be initiated because of it. Likewise, when
my keys are swinging from an autism awareness keychain, or I’m wearing a puzzle
piece around my neck, I am sometimes stopped and asked about autism.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You should try it and see what kinds of people you
meet! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">As you stop to get your coffee, a barista might ask
you what “light it up blue” means, giving you the opportunity to talk to him or
her about autism. We cannot have acceptance without awareness, and your shirt may
help you to spread some awareness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">At the grocery store, a clerk may notice your tote and
tell you her nephew was recently diagnosed with autism and her family is
looking for services. You may be able to give her an idea about where to look
or who to contact. All because of a tote bag with a puzzle piece on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In the waiting room of a doctors’ office, you could
sit down across from the parent of a young child with autism. He comments on
your light it up blue sweatshirt and tells you their story. You might compare
services and be able to give him the name of the doctor you like best in the
area and the therapies you’ve found successful with your child. And you might
learn something from him that you’d like to research for future reference
yourself. Who knew that sweatshirt you bought would make a difference for you
or for anyone else? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You may hand your keys to a mechanic the next time
your oil needs changed. He will look down at the keychain and notice the puzzle
pieces dangling there. He could ask you if you have a loved one with autism. He
may ask if you’ve got a favorite book about autism that you could recommend.
All because you spent a few dollars on a keychain and spread some awareness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You may sit down next to a young mother tomorrow in a
public place. She has many questions about her young son who is showing signs
of a developmental delay, but she’s been afraid to seek answers. She could
notice the puzzle piece charm dangling from your necklace and ask you if you
know someone with autism. By sharing your story, the young mother will be
encouraged. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">There may be ripple effects from using autism
awareness merchandise that you never even know about. The next time you walk
out the door, wear something that identifies you as a part of the autism
community. Let others know that you love someone with autism and you’re willing
to talk about it. Don't have a shirt, a tote, or a keyring? Take a look here: <a href="http://bit.ly/2igHwgO" target="_blank">Shop Autism Speaks</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">This is my second in a series of blog posts for the Autism Speaks Store. My first can be found here: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/10/if-you-give-mom-autism-speaks-gift-card.html" target="_blank">"If you give a mom an Autism Speaks gift card"</a></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-26248137820199180622017-01-10T15:03:00.000-06:002017-01-16T10:31:55.582-06:00Autism parents have a lot in common<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My son Tate is fifteen. Tate has autism. He was about
two and a half years old when he was diagnosed. Parenting a child with autism
is challenging at times, but also very rewarding. We have had a lot of
interesting experiences over the years and gotten to know a lot of others who
are also a part of the autism community. So many of our stories and experiences
are similar. I recently decided to illustrate some of the most common and
repeated scenarios I have heard about from others in the autism community and/or experienced
myself. They are in no particular order. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you can relate let me know. I will be adding to
these so tell me what kinds of things happen to you the most: annoying things,
rewarding things, kindnesses shown, and the ways you’ve had to educate others. I would love to hear from you. Contact me on my Facebook Page called Quirks and Chaos. The comments are temporarily turned off here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We are all in this together!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-Lisa<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You might also like this post: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/08/you-may-be-autism-parent-if.html" target="_blank">You may be an autism parent if...</a></span><br />
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</div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-37437795911747250052016-12-09T00:27:00.000-06:002016-12-09T00:29:10.178-06:00Christmas with Autism<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Christmas time, the most
wonderful time of the year! Or is it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwwFFDXYyZk_ncbrA6iQQA6gFsUdqtYTbZarCs65Rt71E7K-7sjJNoyCvEMpROB7OW-ZcC0Rz9VFN4hju4BGzc9yUORLXvC8RiuwwxFF1QNW1ahr7WZ3bxjVvHQush_O-O78xNLRx2gMWm/s1600/IMG_2680.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwwFFDXYyZk_ncbrA6iQQA6gFsUdqtYTbZarCs65Rt71E7K-7sjJNoyCvEMpROB7OW-ZcC0Rz9VFN4hju4BGzc9yUORLXvC8RiuwwxFF1QNW1ahr7WZ3bxjVvHQush_O-O78xNLRx2gMWm/s320/IMG_2680.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">Choosing a Tree, 2015</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My fifteen-year-old son Tate has autism. He is excited
about the approaching holiday. He does look forward to Christmas, but not for
all the same reasons many of us do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">For many of us, Christmas means family gatherings,
jingling bells, shopping, baking, visiting, wrapping, music, colorful lights, evergreen
trees, and maybe even snow. The wonderful smells, sounds, and sights are a
welcome vacation from a regular routine for the majority, it seems. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But for some of the autism community, the festivity
assaults the senses and causes distress. The gatherings are too invasive, the
smells and sounds disturbing, the sights unsettling, and the break in routine
almost agonizing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Parents, who long before a diagnosis, may have dreamt
of Christmas photos with Santa, trips to seek out the perfect evergreen, and Tonka
trucks under the tree, come to accept a different reality. The Santa at the
mall terrifies their child, a trip to a tree farm is out of the question, and
that Tonka truck is only ever used upside down, to spin the wheels. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">There will be no big feast on Christmas day, eaten
around a large table, surrounded by family, for the family member with autism.
He has a different kind of Christmas. He wants --No. He NEEDS-- to eat in his
room. Alone. His cousins ask why he won’t play with them. His grandparents
wonder why he cannot hug them. Some relatives raise their eyebrows at the way
he’s being so “coddled”. It’s hard to understand if you do not live it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And then, there’s the gift giving and receiving. Some
of the things my own son has asked for over the years are challenging
to find. The ring from “The Lord of the Rings” movies is a current wish. A
hover-board (that really hovers) like Michael J. Fox rode in “Back to the
Future” is on his Christmas list this year. The tablet of Ahkmenrah that brought the displays to
life in the “Night at the Museum” movies was once on his list. Of course,
I can often find reproductions of these kinds of things and those are sometimes
accepted without disappointment. A friend crafted a replica of that magical
tablet that brought the museum exhibits to life, and Tate loves it. I am
dreading the day he asks for the invisibility cloak from “Harry Potter”.
There are some things even Santa cannot do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Many children with autism are similar to my son and
very interested in movies and the props. A lot of kids with autism become very
focused on other things. I commonly hear about preoccupations with dates and
history, technology, video games, math facts, dinosaurs, trains, super heroes, weather,
or ocean life, to name a few.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Some people with autism have interests that are more notable.
My own son is captivated by our washer and dryer, but had a love affair with
the vacuum when he was small. We had very clean floors for years. Now our laundry hampers are never allowed to become full. I have met several in the autism community who have
similar stories about their children and a fixation on household appliances though, so this is
not really rare it seems.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5XVlzrf3NDWsizJu1QqHs5Mdz0UFXnMIP0UJFnyDJemwOR4UdHnUEoFicnAKrTSxlEFXvuEdjAI97a3LijoMXG5L-b8S_wnrk34-bnNg8VZTrDJzbQtq2LtqOaoxM0vCA89JwN_Q25Lr1/s1600/Pixton_Comic_The_Laundry_Nazi_Lives_On_by_Lisa_G_Smith-5.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5XVlzrf3NDWsizJu1QqHs5Mdz0UFXnMIP0UJFnyDJemwOR4UdHnUEoFicnAKrTSxlEFXvuEdjAI97a3LijoMXG5L-b8S_wnrk34-bnNg8VZTrDJzbQtq2LtqOaoxM0vCA89JwN_Q25Lr1/s640/Pixton_Comic_The_Laundry_Nazi_Lives_On_by_Lisa_G_Smith-5.png" width="640" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">However, interests can be more unique. Two different people have told me recently <o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">that their children with autism have a fixation on
ceiling fans, the different models, and how they work. Another has a child
interested in rotary dial telephones and their parts. Yet another parent told
me their child is interested in lawn mowers, even memorizing the model numbers.
One child is enthralled with Boeing aircraft, and ONLY Boeing. A friend in
Pennsylvania told me last week that her son is fascinated by elevators. On his
Christmas list are elevator parts. He wants button panels and indicator lights.
Seriously. His heart’s desire is to have an elevator parts collection. What is
a mother to do? Anyone know of an elevator parts graveyard she can visit? </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What are some of the things your children with autism
are interested in? How many mountains have you moved in the past so that your
child could have that special gift under the tree? We want to hear your
stories. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you liked this post, you might also like to read about another holiday: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/10/when-halloween-is-not-about-candy.html" target="_blank">When Halloween is not about the candy</a></span></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-10749344209851380902016-11-23T11:44:00.003-06:002016-11-23T11:44:52.134-06:00Thanksgiving Feast or Dinner Roll?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyE7nM9lRAYfeMjuaETVbtvTQBeBcboTuwGksq5kNnDbozIuYtMqhuGo5nmKKNmGswEQcGlubPaVWRj7oRku4xSCsWonD5-a57W9U0i3HxVJFSkKOJOKpFYy1A7ywsCsLPuRVow0iCdwWh/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="451" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyE7nM9lRAYfeMjuaETVbtvTQBeBcboTuwGksq5kNnDbozIuYtMqhuGo5nmKKNmGswEQcGlubPaVWRj7oRku4xSCsWonD5-a57W9U0i3HxVJFSkKOJOKpFYy1A7ywsCsLPuRVow0iCdwWh/s640/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Thanksgiving. It is such a special time of year: a time of reflection, a time for reuniting with family, a time to share in a feast that we all enjoy so much. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU08uLjw9X4xTwywh4th9dk5sX1bJXTcolV9yrZvB0EQc1ehAo5hQX5CSdDWgWpaGDcUQChrHlEGmampXFqBLa5o0eUvMkFgsEMYU_o9FL2ivaBkh6VRx2c6qX_XOR_uHyPtKw7fbj0JWI/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_2_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="452" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU08uLjw9X4xTwywh4th9dk5sX1bJXTcolV9yrZvB0EQc1ehAo5hQX5CSdDWgWpaGDcUQChrHlEGmampXFqBLa5o0eUvMkFgsEMYU_o9FL2ivaBkh6VRx2c6qX_XOR_uHyPtKw7fbj0JWI/s640/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_2_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px; text-align: justify;">Wait. Sometimes holidays like Thanksgiving are not enjoyed by all. Thanksgiving for some people with autism is a virtual nightmare. The break in routine, the smells, the noise, and all that hugging, is enough to cause a lot of anxiety. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisDvUMlS5g6tsPebb2y7n030kfDQrFl80maeLw85oLHCDMP2LR0XcauF5h2eOqzbUX8HCHb1xDIRw1Adw5WDX-W-t239-11eKzuv9PbRXl9Pb4bH0B27ad-JBZqZuW9z7xMsyd5V2AoHsc/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_3_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="452" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisDvUMlS5g6tsPebb2y7n030kfDQrFl80maeLw85oLHCDMP2LR0XcauF5h2eOqzbUX8HCHb1xDIRw1Adw5WDX-W-t239-11eKzuv9PbRXl9Pb4bH0B27ad-JBZqZuW9z7xMsyd5V2AoHsc/s640/Pixton_Comic_Thanksgiving_with_Autism_3_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px; text-align: justify;">For so many of us who are the caregivers of a person with autism, a large family gathering is a time to dread the conversation at the family meal, because we know it has the potential to revolve around the lone dinner roll on our kid's plate. All that delicious food and our kid takes a dinner roll. He does not eat turkey, would never try something green or orange in color, and would physically gag if you were to put a vegetable on his plate. And so he and his dinner roll become the topic of conversation. Again. And we are bombarded with questions, made to feel guilty and defensive, and given advice about feeding our child. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">We hear: </span><span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">"Have you tried making him take one bite?" And we respond with the best vomit story we have, because we HAVE thought of that and have tried it more than once. It did not work. We have to reassure great aunts and distant cousins that we have indeed taken our child to the doctor and he is physically very healthy, living on his diet of bread, potato chips and cheese pizza. And then we hear the most dreaded comment of all. It's the one that makes a lot of us moms bite our lip until it hurts. "If he were to get <i>hungry enough</i> he would eat". How hungry is "hungry enough"? One time my son went three days when he was three years old. He had a sore throat and didn't take a bite of food for three days. Think he was <i>hungry enough</i>? Other autism moms have similar stories. We HAVE tried all the things you could possibly think of to try, but autism wins, every single time. Autism wins. Our kids are different than your kids are and were. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.66666603088379px;">Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful and count our blessings. I, for one, am very thankful for a son who has taught me to be a kinder person, a more patient person, a more giving person, a more loving person, and a more tolerant person. If you have someone in your life with special needs who refuses the feast this year and goes to sit with their dinner roll, please remember that his caregiver is doing the best that he/she can and would love to talk about almost anything at the dinner table except the lone dinner roll on his/her child's plate. </span></div>
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Note: This was written with many people in mind and because of the dozens and dozens of stories I've heard from my readers. It is no reflection of my own situation at this time. My family has long since accepted Tate's eating habits and are very understanding of it all. </div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-75509501796995962672016-11-14T10:41:00.000-06:002016-11-14T14:43:49.859-06:00Stims: Good, Bad or Ugly?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">When Tate was diagnosed with autism, I did not know
anyone else with autism. I had no idea what the right thing to do was, nor if
there were any treatments. I quickly began educating myself about autism. I
read many books and surrounded myself with people who could help us. We began
ABA and tried our best to use “best practice” methods. Forty hours a week of
discrete trial and incidental teaching, redirecting stereotypic behaviors, and
teaching social skills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPhcv2Bp84nSWbBe5D2x86FPfA9jgEQG1-LQt_hp_GMvQoUL03PJA5GU1bquFdSzZNo4imR7eVgU_ExMrdE7b8xVstwtACtyFE8_EpmAJnvfNqfyW9RFW9ddUfKVy0wIZ2zfTbZVEbqFI-/s1600/Tate+age+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPhcv2Bp84nSWbBe5D2x86FPfA9jgEQG1-LQt_hp_GMvQoUL03PJA5GU1bquFdSzZNo4imR7eVgU_ExMrdE7b8xVstwtACtyFE8_EpmAJnvfNqfyW9RFW9ddUfKVy0wIZ2zfTbZVEbqFI-/s320/Tate+age+3.jpg" width="264" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I did have the Internet, but social media was not yet a
“thing” when Tate was three years old. For that I am grateful. Shocking, coming
from a mommy blogger who loves nothing more than interacting with others from the autism community isn’t it? Let me explain. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If I had turned to Facebook and mommy bloggers for my information, I'm afraid I would have done many things differently. And if I had done many things differently, Tate might still be stimming his day away and unable to do so many of the things he can now, twelve years after his diagnosis.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">So many autism parents today, in the name of autism
acceptance, are telling us not to try to change our children with autism. The
politically correct thing has become “Don’t ask a child with autism to step
into your world. You should step into his.” The thing is… mom and dad will not
always be there. The child with autism is going to grow into an adult with
autism. And all those things that you did not ask him to learn, and all those things he did not have to give up (because he
has autism) have the potential to make his adult life so much harder. The stereotypic behaviors could make him a target for bullies. Those things you did not ask him to give up are likely going to be ingrained and a huge part of his day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">According to so many autism moms who are blogging, their
children with autism NEED the stereotypic behaviors. They say the behaviors
serve a purpose. Some even suggest that we should stim right along with the child. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The sensory issues are real. I get that. I get all that. Tate
NEEDED to do those things too, when he was small. But those things were getting
in the way of his learning. And he NEEDED to learn. I chose the hard road. The majority
of the stimming NEEDED to go. One of the hardest parts was that when one stim was eliminated, another often took its place. But we kept at it, gently trying to mold and change the way our son dealt with stress, boredom, and excitement. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate wanted to run back and forth on his toes, from
one end of the room to the other. I put things in his path and redirected his
attention. All. Day. Long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYs-n8ZvnZ6U0Vdt7HVd_7Ljpvc-zMVeCAWrsg26Q7pz1MjfXd45YuYlF1nQ8n9zCKNRMImZrS17qeA1jfp_LqbrNLkaq1IF3ODKSQUR_v5w4p58Lla2aKwG45KMA4LyjT0muxnKlKqVQW/s1600/Tate+burning+the+calories.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYs-n8ZvnZ6U0Vdt7HVd_7Ljpvc-zMVeCAWrsg26Q7pz1MjfXd45YuYlF1nQ8n9zCKNRMImZrS17qeA1jfp_LqbrNLkaq1IF3ODKSQUR_v5w4p58Lla2aKwG45KMA4LyjT0muxnKlKqVQW/s320/Tate+burning+the+calories.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate wanted to look at his reflection in the oven
door, the television, and mirrors for long periods of time. I covered the oven with a towel, the
television with a fitted sheet, and took down the mirrors. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate wanted to use books to fan the pages for thirty minutes at a time. I made sure he stopped and looked at each page or we put the
book away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate wanted to wave his hands and wiggle his fingers. We
gently took his hands and put things in his hands to hold and tried to keep him
busy playing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 19px;">Had Tate’s favorite stim been head banging until his forehead bled, no one would think I was a tyrant for redirecting it. Had his stim been to bite himself or others, my efforts would have been approved of as well. Would he have NEEDED those things? I drew my line way before those things though, so I have been told I am not accepting of Tate or his autism. HA! I’d step in front of a truck for my boy and I’ve worked so hard to help him. It would have been much easier to just let him stim.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I heard from a mom recently with a son about ten years
old. She had been trying to convince a therapist that her son NEEDED to stim
and it was cruel to ask him to stop or to reduce the amount of stimming he engaged in. Because the therapist would not agree, the
mother thought the therapist did not understand autism. It could be that the
therapist understands autism better than the mother. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What if I had not redirected all the stimming when
Tate was small? What if I had given up because it was so hard to do? Our lives
would have been so much easier for those preschool and early elementary school
years, for sure. But what about now? Tate is six foot, three inches tall. Any
stimming he wants to do now, would be impossible for me to deter. He still occasionally stims, but it does not take up large parts of his day, nor does he rely heavily on it to entertain himself. His go-to stim now is pacing, which he does when he is nervous. He sometimes stiffens his
body and uses his hands to push on his legs when he is bored or anxious. But those things do not consume him like his stims did when he was small. Would he have eventually outgrown it all on his own? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuf4KDUsyMf7P3oqPgb6ewdLTuKb6OCYFRXzlBJEAZ97Uv4rQsOQYVZHJUysOS6y2XNamNHVVp1fDJoFLG_bQcyG5b9stXqibX9VBVwhJULlpuLpGhUILlZ4P_G1av7_xkJZyB0TLDyZ6l/s1600/On+a+picnic+in+Olathe+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuf4KDUsyMf7P3oqPgb6ewdLTuKb6OCYFRXzlBJEAZ97Uv4rQsOQYVZHJUysOS6y2XNamNHVVp1fDJoFLG_bQcyG5b9stXqibX9VBVwhJULlpuLpGhUILlZ4P_G1av7_xkJZyB0TLDyZ6l/s320/On+a+picnic+in+Olathe+copy.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I suppose he might have stopped or reduced all those stereotypic
behaviors on his own. I could never prove he would not have. I was unwilling to
take that chance. All those hours I redirected the stimming were not wasted
either way, because every minute Tate was not stimming, he was learning. I was
teaching him: how to pretend, how to read, how to interact with others, how to
use verbs, pronouns and prepositions, social skills, turn taking, how to tell a joke,
and so much more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I know how hard it is to redirect stimming. The
enormity of the task is intimidating. If you choose to try to eliminate the stimming, you may become discouraged at times. But, do not let the moms who are engaging in stimming with their child, in the name of autism acceptance, deter you. It may be that many of those kids will someday be six feet tall and their moms will be wishing they had eliminated or reduced some of the stimming when they were very young too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I didn’t “cure” Tate. I'm not making that claim. But I did help him to “fit in”.
I do not understand the mind-set of so many parents in the autism community lately.
Asking a kid with autism to conform is not abusive. One of my favorite quotes is the one that tells us not to judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree. But, I did not ask my fish to
climb a tree. I asked my fish to swim faster, harder, and be a stronger fish, something that would be politically correct for a typically developing child, but not for a child with autism these days. And yet, we autism parents are often asking the </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">world to treat our kids as they would treat any others. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 19px;">Perhaps there is no true right or wrong answer about the stimming. Or perhaps we will not know until this group of children who are encouraged to stim have grown into adults. Perhaps these children will be far better off and healthier than my son who was constantly asked not to stim, or to choose a more subtle stim at times verses an obvious one. Perhaps there will be no difference at all. </span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-224801904584112562016-11-04T10:39:00.001-05:002016-11-04T15:14:43.000-05:00To Be The Best Caregiver I Can Be<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">November is National Family Caregivers Month. My
fifteen-year-old son Tate has autism and my youngest daughter has special needs
as well. Currently, I am also helping to care for my elderly parents. I was
asked to write a post about being a caregiver. I took a stab at it and read it
back to myself. I had written an essay that sounded like I was having a pity
party about the all the time my kids’ disabilities have stolen from me. So, I
tried again. The second attempt was an essay comparing the amount of time and
energy I spent raising my typically developing children to the amount of time
and energy it is taking to raise my special needs children. It really did not
reflect the way I feel about being a caregiver at all. My third attempt was
also sent to the trash bin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It occurred to me then: I had been trying to write about
the hardships of being a caregiver. There is no doubt it is hard. Everyone
knows that. But what good caregiver dwells on all the negatives involved? Did
my own parents keep track of all the times I woke them at night? Or vomited in
my bed? Did they begrudge the money they spent on my education? Of course not. Good
parents are not keeping score of all the difficulties they have with their
child, or the sacrifices they make. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A good caregiver is a good one because he does the
things he needs to do willingly. So I made a list. I made a list of the things that
help me to be the best caregiver I can be in hopes that it might encourage others to be the best caregiver they can be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>1</b> Laugh. I laugh when things are funny, and they often are. There have been
times I have laughed to keep from crying. Remember to laugh. A sense of humor can make all the difference.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>2</b> Smile. It’s hard not to be happy when I have a smile
on my face, and it is hard to become angry or be unkind when I am smiling. A smile can totally change another person's response too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>3</b> Sing. Just like smiling, it is so hard to be
anything but happy when I am singing. Music is such a valuable tool. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>4</b> Cry. If laughing, smiling, and singing are not going
to work today, a good cry might. But if you find yourself crying often and unable to cope, talk to a professional. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>5</b> Share. Find someone who will listen. Online support
groups can be helpful when no one is physically close. I blog and have built my
own sort of support group of followers who help me far more than I help them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4HJRUdrOPFAbkz681EQ6thfl7O0nFIQIo177r3CrGqihyphenhyphenjUMSVzLOKNo_yiKtgaIpi-tNp0G9lX7-zAMoJybisLqsDYNEofxSqfsVTFCp4zV9Mi3gRjOCDGsGVoAvCZvSE7VjRCC5nJyR/s1600/Pixton_Comic_My_Cheerleaders_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4HJRUdrOPFAbkz681EQ6thfl7O0nFIQIo177r3CrGqihyphenhyphenjUMSVzLOKNo_yiKtgaIpi-tNp0G9lX7-zAMoJybisLqsDYNEofxSqfsVTFCp4zV9Mi3gRjOCDGsGVoAvCZvSE7VjRCC5nJyR/s320/Pixton_Comic_My_Cheerleaders_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="289" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>6</b> Find a cheerleader. I have many cheerleaders. Some
of them are part of my physical family and some are part of my church family.
Some are online friends. Do not go to discouragers for advice or for cheering
up. Do not go to the support groups that mostly talk about the hardships and
the negatives when you are in need of encouragement. Surround yourself with positive people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>7</b> Set goals, but set reasonable ones. It is helpful to
have short-term goals. Some of my goals are very small and easily achieved in a day's time, while others might take a few days. It might even help to write goals down and be able to cross them off as they are completed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>8</b> Prepare yourself. It is much easier to prevent problems before they develop, than to fix them after they occur. I try to anticipate the things that might go wrong, and put a plan in
place for the “just in cases”. When it is time for appointments or meetings, go prepared. Make and take a list of questions and concerns.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>9</b> Control yourself. I cannot control others, but I can control myself and how I react to others. Remember that you are responsible for you. Do not make matters worse by speaking in anger, or saying something you may later regret. </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">There will be times when those around you who you had hoped would help, will not. There may be times when you feel resentful, if not because your child is disabled or your elderly parents are sick, then because the ones you thought you could count on to help, do not. But the kids still have to be fed, the sick still need to be looked after, and the trash still needs hauled out to the curb. It is up to you. You cannot control those around you, but you can control yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span>
<b style="font-size: 19px;">10</b><span style="font-size: 19px;"> Dismiss yourself. Sometimes I need a few minutes to regroup. When everything around you seems to be falling apart, take a deep breath, count to ten, say a prayer, bite your tongue, or walk away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCxbBAAO4qoi0gKdbwktmwMmrg4hVVKpB_Vhj5jk4xIjzh0zMcxuO-QM7qIYUa5x8ijOcQ_P9EcwrBFdlr3SySeX-xbXB5ohFo0suwMsm25gpArvJThmtvN6h5Da5dBpaLxSDr-jnSDs5/s1600/Pixton_Comic_There_s_No_Hiding_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCxbBAAO4qoi0gKdbwktmwMmrg4hVVKpB_Vhj5jk4xIjzh0zMcxuO-QM7qIYUa5x8ijOcQ_P9EcwrBFdlr3SySeX-xbXB5ohFo0suwMsm25gpArvJThmtvN6h5Da5dBpaLxSDr-jnSDs5/s640/Pixton_Comic_There_s_No_Hiding_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><b>11</b> Forgive yourself. I make mistakes. I make a huge mess of things sometimes, and you will too. Nobody is perfect. </span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">♫ </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Let it go. Let it go. </span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14pt;">♫ </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>12</b> Do not lie to yourself. Face your truths. </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">Dwelling on the things you wish you could change will only make you miserable. Also, pretending problems are not really there does not work. Roll up your sleeves and do what you can to make things better. The grass is not really greener next door. That neighbor or friend who seems to have the perfect life with the perfect kids and a pocket full of money, has his own struggles too. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtLtPJS-MkDbe0Kxj3mmrSbOmttPvJxYquBXIh_yA37HhiKRfrnSpoulHD4JnILtFZZ8hDQwrzNKB0qFaWvIG4np9-OQCS_FUVlZ1WQTeAfQV5OLEXgjSr2ISZSmWfh7a2WTj1gjEwHsaz/s1600/IMG_3776.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtLtPJS-MkDbe0Kxj3mmrSbOmttPvJxYquBXIh_yA37HhiKRfrnSpoulHD4JnILtFZZ8hDQwrzNKB0qFaWvIG4np9-OQCS_FUVlZ1WQTeAfQV5OLEXgjSr2ISZSmWfh7a2WTj1gjEwHsaz/s200/IMG_3776.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>13</b> Reward yourself. Whether it is something small like
a soda, or something more substantial like a night out, I find that it helps if
I have something tangible to look forward to at the end of the day or at the
end of the week. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I'm not an expert. I have made plenty of mistakes, but these are the things that help me to do what I do
best. Perhaps these things could help you to be the best caregiver you can be
too. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Writing this has helped me to remember that being a
caregiver is a privilege and a worthwhile and fulfilling job.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you liked this post, you might also like this one... <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/05/stepping-up-to-challenge.html" target="_blank">Stepping Up To The Challenge</a><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-74280067130614636852016-11-01T20:17:00.002-05:002016-11-01T20:21:00.230-05:00Tate's a Freshman, Part 2<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My son Tate has autism. Tate is a freshman in High
School this year, and is just beginning the second quarter. At this point, his
teachers have gotten to know him and his quirks, his abilities and his
inabilities, some of his anxieties and obsessions, and just how much fun he is
to have around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">This is the second in a series of posts about Tate's freshman year of High School. You might like to start with the first. If you haven't already seen it, click here: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/09/transitioning-to-high-school-with-autism.html" target="_blank">Transitioning to High School with Autism</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Last week I attended parent/teacher conferences. I
always go to meetings with new teachers with just a little trepidation, hoping
they “get” what autism is and how to best communicate with Tate. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">I got to hear some really fun stories about how Tate
is settling in and how his teachers this year have come to enjoy him. And I got to hear the other side of </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">a few of the things Tate has come home and told me about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">One of my favorite stories was about World History class. Tate really likes his World History class. Or at least
he likes the projector that hangs from the ceiling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpY7qHJFW0VROdpiH0B6KCpKHPUTjl7Xmdz4eDxa02iwKsBEgAe7EoI6hwvjrVt4ut6sl5-399CaGJcWq-IMmzeiM7AbvA5WqzxMRGcS6YWtVKiBV9vSPsit8bTOIkcT6qf6Y19Fu0QSU6/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_The_Projector_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpY7qHJFW0VROdpiH0B6KCpKHPUTjl7Xmdz4eDxa02iwKsBEgAe7EoI6hwvjrVt4ut6sl5-399CaGJcWq-IMmzeiM7AbvA5WqzxMRGcS6YWtVKiBV9vSPsit8bTOIkcT6qf6Y19Fu0QSU6/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_The_Projector_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And Tate is excelling in math this year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXZgPmONfHOLZc72pFG5SJJGmWUZ6Y_TjA7RCiVP7Ghsz0fDjUah1yLjY2XbSy5RXCxzIzdiGJHNH46olBG_XVZyoLm-y6_Mssy7su_ZJwnpqB2QHcxs8iibE-8EYUJBZEX2MeUzsQM6as/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Math_Skills_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXZgPmONfHOLZc72pFG5SJJGmWUZ6Y_TjA7RCiVP7Ghsz0fDjUah1yLjY2XbSy5RXCxzIzdiGJHNH46olBG_XVZyoLm-y6_Mssy7su_ZJwnpqB2QHcxs8iibE-8EYUJBZEX2MeUzsQM6as/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Math_Skills_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Although Tate’s math teacher had nice things to say
about him, Tate is unsure she really knows much about math at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-O9aovn3l1kV24_efwzAn0POicXs_aHNpbx-clUkHTPdgLmGgqp_TL8P-EwzID2sC4RWcmDrBitIwXHvECCXbruRmRTLf3TFZut1Wg0YHksExLkZNz2Dv7Ty_Gl8RLuOgFTAPNu8HwIJG/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Backward_Math_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-O9aovn3l1kV24_efwzAn0POicXs_aHNpbx-clUkHTPdgLmGgqp_TL8P-EwzID2sC4RWcmDrBitIwXHvECCXbruRmRTLf3TFZut1Wg0YHksExLkZNz2Dv7Ty_Gl8RLuOgFTAPNu8HwIJG/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Backward_Math_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The math teacher is not the only teacher who has given
Tate new notions to ponder. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaYS7prtL2cx4vTHBgXlZLTfZ2i5YzU0Ulkw8jbE4RCrrHdm6bvX_P1vg7qC9dSKVI_p3zVozrkk9TnMYSkBSejlp7iPVOrgmtBGP-6p-707IWvps1Mi_EWEaKO225ICtYhsQEfPzXcOhD/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Eye_Cavities_by_Lisa_G_Smith-3.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaYS7prtL2cx4vTHBgXlZLTfZ2i5YzU0Ulkw8jbE4RCrrHdm6bvX_P1vg7qC9dSKVI_p3zVozrkk9TnMYSkBSejlp7iPVOrgmtBGP-6p-707IWvps1Mi_EWEaKO225ICtYhsQEfPzXcOhD/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Eye_Cavities_by_Lisa_G_Smith-3.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">This is the first year Tate has had no organized lunch
buddy program. He is doing well on his own. One of the teachers he had in
Junior High sat with him while he ate lunch recently. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Lunch was not the only concern I had about Tate being
in High School. I worried about his ability to maneuver through the crowd. Choreographing
his movements to those around him is difficult for Tate. They tell me he is
colliding with others less frequently now. Tate's size is </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">intimidating</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> enough that he will likely never be hurt, but I do worry about the other guys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Not many kids like homework, and Tate is no exception.
The name “homework” itself annoys him. If it is schoolwork, then it should stay
at school. It baffles Tate that schoolwork can be brought home and relabeled as
homework. He does not like his two worlds to mix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 19px;">If you like reading about Tate, follow us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/QuirksAndChaos/" target="_blank">Quirks and Chaos</a>.</span></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-73371768556043223122016-10-13T18:43:00.001-05:002016-10-18T10:29:44.662-05:00What is a bully?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My fifteen-year-old son, Tate, is a freshman in High School. Tate has autism. To my knowledge Tate has never had to deal with peer who is a bully. I have a theory or two about the why(s) behind that and you can read about all of that here: <a href="http://geekclubbooks.com/2016/06/secrets-successful-buddy-program/" target="_blank">A Successful Buddy Program</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It is hard for some to believe that Tate does not have a problem with bullies. Many people have told me that bullying is just something their children with autism have to live with. I have had a few people suggest to me that Tate is likely being bullied for his differences, but is either unable to recognize it himself and complain, or that I am just too out-of-touch to know. It really is hard for some people to understand that we seem to have done what is considered "the impossible." There simply are no bullies in Tate's life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Because the month of October is bullying prevention month, I decided to talk to my two special needs kids about bullying. I asked Tate if he knew what a bully is. He said, "a bully is someone who is mean to kids." I walked away and came back a bit later to ask him to go a bit more into depth about what a bully is. This time he said, "a bully picks on kids." So I asked him what a bully looks like. He told me a bully looks like a big kid who is really mean. I asked him if a little kid could ever be a bully and he said, "yes." I asked him if a grown up could be a bully. He again answered, "yes." So I asked him if he knew any bullies. He exclaimed, "no!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I wanted to explain some things about bullying to Tate and his younger sister, and that is best done with visuals for my two literal kids. The following is what I came up with... </span><br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7599317265897121292" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">It's no secret that
a large majority of my followers are following because they saw one of my posts
on the Autism Speaks site. So I do not have to explain to you readers who they
are and what they do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibX_2K4i3wb2XQ2afSlnQEJd16MvSboEz75EAm11v8rzpwsEFe23zev2ZOUTxpB3lmzynD4tu1P4OnyoFcxz6muHv9UBpesyaxvAaniuNxlDJE77BD50jyxGkM9iaLpKzv18sKzVLcNSzI/s1600/IMG_3715.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibX_2K4i3wb2XQ2afSlnQEJd16MvSboEz75EAm11v8rzpwsEFe23zev2ZOUTxpB3lmzynD4tu1P4OnyoFcxz6muHv9UBpesyaxvAaniuNxlDJE77BD50jyxGkM9iaLpKzv18sKzVLcNSzI/s320/IMG_3715.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 16pt;">Autism Speaks has
been really good to me and to Tate. Most recently, a representative of the
online shop (</span><a href="http://bit.ly/2dOLZAy" style="font-size: 16pt;"><span style="color: #3a00d9; text-decoration: none;">http://bit.ly/2dOLZAy</span></a><span style="font-size: 16pt;">) sent
us some merchandise to review. Knowing Tate as they do, there was a hoodie in
the box. If you have followed us long at all you will know Tate puts a hoodie
on in September and doesn't take it off until the end of May. He is a connoisseur
of hoodies. He loved the Autism Speaks hoodie. It just so happened it came the
evening before his birthday and he wore it on his birthday, proudly. </span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">I was asked to
choose some things to review or blog about and was excited. I was excited, but
it still took me two or three days to look at everything the shop had to offer.
It was because I kept getting called away. The kids needed me. The phone rang.
I had appointments. And one thing kept leading to another. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">And because of my
love of the picture book series by Laura Numeroff, I was reminded of the mouse
who is so distracted by everything around him, as I was trying to place that
order! I decided to cartoon what it is like for a busy mom to shop online
sometimes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Use this link to go to the Autism Speaks shop. If you place an order or buy a loved one a gift card, let
them know that Lisa and Tate from Quirks and Chaos sent you. </span><a href="http://bit.ly/2dOLZAy">http://bit.ly/2dOLZAy</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And I'd love to hear what you liked best in the shop!</span></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-73860156706188494242016-10-03T12:08:00.001-05:002016-10-03T12:41:05.815-05:00What Does ADHD Mean?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What does ADHD mean? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you Google ADHD, you will learn that the acronym
stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and you will read about
distractibility, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you go to a medical professional for answers, chances
are you will be given pamphlets, and told of medications that might help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Educators and friends might tell you that ADHD is way
over-diagnosed, and often a parent’s made-up excuse for a child who is
undisciplined at home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The best place to go for a true understanding of ADHD
is into the home of a family who lives with it. My twelve-year-old daughter has
ADHD. I’d like to tell you what ADHD is like for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUYRisWioZ33erYfoyZB0_hCGXrHS0k7i2bRdl3IlTiJfFzIZcfUHATWtuFfDKnpgvfFoOcOXnheyh4U-sv2rEvKFb5FJAvB2tK5YjkqJno3gNMnEe1PgB84nysiC7Ou3u20Wd-tch3QKA/s1600/Sydney+w+zebra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUYRisWioZ33erYfoyZB0_hCGXrHS0k7i2bRdl3IlTiJfFzIZcfUHATWtuFfDKnpgvfFoOcOXnheyh4U-sv2rEvKFb5FJAvB2tK5YjkqJno3gNMnEe1PgB84nysiC7Ou3u20Wd-tch3QKA/s200/Sydney+w+zebra.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">For my
daughter,</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> ADHD means waking up in the
morning with no desire to linger in bed or stretch and rub her eyes. ADHD means
waking up in the morning and jumping out of bed, eyes wide open, and ready to
run a race. ADHD means she believes everyone in the house should also be up and ready to run beside her. ADHD does not believe in sleeping in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means she might forget to take her pajamas off
before she pulls her clothes on. Or she might remember to pull the pajamas off and forget to put the clothes on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means not being able to sit still long enough to
eat a bowl of cereal, tie her shoes, or even go to the bathroom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means she strives to fill every moment with noise
and movement. If she runs out of things to say, then she will sing, bark, moo,
or even cluck like a chicken. There is no room for calm or silence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means playing too rough, spilling things,
breaking things, knocking things over, and constant apologies. But then
repeating what she just apologized for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means never knowing what page the teacher is on, and wondering how the other kids always seem to know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means she asks half a dozen questions in rapid
succession but never waits for an answer, because she cannot stop her mind from
wandering from one topic to the next. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means she forgets to bring her homework home
every single night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means she is often distracted from the task at
hand by things the rest of us do not even notice: a squeaky chair, a dripping
faucet, the flicker of a light, a voice in the hall, a movement across the
room, or a dog barking outside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD means that other kids avoid her because she is a
lot of work to be around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinYrcpOHRmyCEJGPQ3HIuFlO-nmwICRX75KOy14gVVxHgLL3ffxftZAhmYgWlSGd1rWHPnLow1wEmeQ3oXs6Xqp5N2x0esIoLL3bacsOi93eQgGh4ox0ja82ma8_v5o6eJdQW5Il2aAYVC/s1600/IMG_1863.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinYrcpOHRmyCEJGPQ3HIuFlO-nmwICRX75KOy14gVVxHgLL3ffxftZAhmYgWlSGd1rWHPnLow1wEmeQ3oXs6Xqp5N2x0esIoLL3bacsOi93eQgGh4ox0ja82ma8_v5o6eJdQW5Il2aAYVC/s200/IMG_1863.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">For me,</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">ADHD has meant constant interruptions, visual schedules and reminders, going over the rules repeatedly, hoping this time she will remember, while knowing she probably will not. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 19px;">ADHD has meant I have to model a quiet voice and talk often about volume. ADHD does not believe in whispering.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant pulling the car over to put my child
back into her seatbelt, holding on tight to her hand when we go out in public, and constant reminders about safety.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant awkward explanations to family,
friends, and acquaintances for my daughter’s behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant medications that were hard to afford,
but even harder NOT to afford. And getting those meds into her mouth as soon as possible in the morning.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 19px;">ADHD has meant dreading the first hour of the day and watching the clock, waiting for the meds to kick in. Then, indescribable relief when they do, because my daughter is going to be able to organize her thoughts, have real conversations, follow multistep instructions, and learn for the next few hours. And there will be bouts of quiet. Oh how I used to take quiet for granted. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant meetings with teachers and requests for
help and understanding. And apologies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant losing my patience over and over again, and having tremendous feelings of guilt for not being more understanding.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant lots of giggles, silly
misunderstandings, fun games, made up words, a huge imagination that never
stops, hugs and back rubs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">ADHD has meant learning to parent differently, realizing that no amount of discipline can fix ADHD. ADHD has helped me to find buckets and buckets of perseverance and compassion I had no idea I had.
ADHD means I work harder and longer, knowing that she is worth it all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSvszkGKjw8sMyYaMQeJ-k2HeBxvlNKcFWC2fYCVH9AEeL0QqACPcWwWDJEPeguiOMylGQl8uq6uubOv9y0bXdkLsdSLf3BFFS0ojHWVQXS9s9tmZuDWNh8KiqDtFCPFPfzD-RH5pEhRDV/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Missing_in_Action_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSvszkGKjw8sMyYaMQeJ-k2HeBxvlNKcFWC2fYCVH9AEeL0QqACPcWwWDJEPeguiOMylGQl8uq6uubOv9y0bXdkLsdSLf3BFFS0ojHWVQXS9s9tmZuDWNh8KiqDtFCPFPfzD-RH5pEhRDV/s640/Pixton_Comic_Missing_in_Action_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRetcs1F7mKXgCcbnctfL5Y8rC_uPwoU_6XcM0S_3nkjkvCcs7zvbcqjEdRAQiouGa7XGSOXFozMQTmvb7ex0GO-b7TCZk7New_F42xLv2OPk4upYy9UHT8gGVnXLvhW0QAezVED7djnpO/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Quiet_as_a_Mouse_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRetcs1F7mKXgCcbnctfL5Y8rC_uPwoU_6XcM0S_3nkjkvCcs7zvbcqjEdRAQiouGa7XGSOXFozMQTmvb7ex0GO-b7TCZk7New_F42xLv2OPk4upYy9UHT8gGVnXLvhW0QAezVED7djnpO/s640/Pixton_Comic_Quiet_as_a_Mouse_by_Lisa_G_Smith-2.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMPuTSF3lEUAyd93h6FtUpeKiSIHL9ljs-YzK7PDjNPLG4JUPy_eeBkLcRU4DexuaNvG_Mxn6g5_5fkfuMOo7Ocx2XOIx8QTUiM9ATB-Fol90RSNvJnEqVagw5LxnjEeRdzjIHs9mHfTbA/s1600/Pixton_Comic_It_wasn_t_me_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMPuTSF3lEUAyd93h6FtUpeKiSIHL9ljs-YzK7PDjNPLG4JUPy_eeBkLcRU4DexuaNvG_Mxn6g5_5fkfuMOo7Ocx2XOIx8QTUiM9ATB-Fol90RSNvJnEqVagw5LxnjEeRdzjIHs9mHfTbA/s640/Pixton_Comic_It_wasn_t_me_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"> (By the way, Riley is a doll.)</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOn0cQeFK_qoANoO5qtSH8hT_Usa6sKtCiBowqNWu1Vp0kiNgh4AVX4tZ0yNS32-ArNQTuI9cdj-_JkzqeW5DxXBzZpP3BkXNSc0uNgt2lxC5OIp6v3bu891hVxlB3s8bSsWAe1JgEz6Uo/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Riley_s_Influence_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOn0cQeFK_qoANoO5qtSH8hT_Usa6sKtCiBowqNWu1Vp0kiNgh4AVX4tZ0yNS32-ArNQTuI9cdj-_JkzqeW5DxXBzZpP3BkXNSc0uNgt2lxC5OIp6v3bu891hVxlB3s8bSsWAe1JgEz6Uo/s640/Pixton_Comic_Riley_s_Influence_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">If you liked this post, you might also like to read what it is like to go shopping with my little girl. <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-air-freshener-incident.html" target="_blank">The Air Freshener Incident</a></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1774px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1774px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 3212px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 3212px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-23964760327935888932016-09-19T22:32:00.002-05:002016-10-03T12:14:00.975-05:00The Air Freshener Incident<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I normally go into Walmart on my own, solo,
unaccompanied, without kids, unattached, unaided and alone (but not lonely),
intentionally unassisted, in order to do my shopping without incident. “What
kind of incident?” you ask. That’s right. Not all of you have spent time with
my Sydney. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhB1ucv_VA2GpLvihtlyrhSP7v976Ksmtp8W_fJRT9ezl8NhAUID4qr8cJkgOv36BTo_MLvi8N4-iBL0kbsCI7nVAaaRt1kOvtQCWpV09ggttvdCkEJokBTBrTwdlse9yHETFWuTkdQmYz/s1600/IMG_3677.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhB1ucv_VA2GpLvihtlyrhSP7v976Ksmtp8W_fJRT9ezl8NhAUID4qr8cJkgOv36BTo_MLvi8N4-iBL0kbsCI7nVAaaRt1kOvtQCWpV09ggttvdCkEJokBTBrTwdlse9yHETFWuTkdQmYz/s400/IMG_3677.JPG" width="400" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Sydney is truly a unique young lady who marches to the
beat of her own drum. Sydney has no filter. If she thinks it, she says it. If
she sees it, she touches it. If she likes it, she needs to own it. In a
nutshell, there is rarely a dull moment when Sydney is around. She keeps things interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Sometimes when I take Sydney places, “things” happen.
Things happen that should only happen in sitcoms to fictional families, or in
silly children’s books, never in reality. The author Barbara Parks wrote a series
of books about a little girl named Junie B Jones that my older kids and I
enjoyed very much. Sometimes I wonder if Junie B came to life, and is
living in my home. Only I call her Sydney P. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My kids were out of school today for a teacher workday.
And I needed a few things from Walmart. Against my better judgment, and because
my list was very short, I took Sydney with me into Walmart. Milk is one of
those things that cannot wait and we were out. So I threw caution to the wind,
and drove to Walmart. I rationalized that Sydney and I could get in and out of the
store quickly and I gave her a pep talk in the car before we entered the store.
I was determined there would be no drama, and I would not give Sydney the
opportunity to disrupt my mission. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Three minutes in, as we turned down an aisle to grab a
cleaning product on my list, Sydney caught sight of the air fresheners. She
became hyper-focused on those and stopped to look at them, hands on hips. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Knowing that she had to talk fast, because I was not
slowing down, she loudly told me that we had an urgent need in our home for an
air freshener. I looked back over my shoulder and told her to catch up, and
that air fresheners were not on my list today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Now, Sydney does not speak quietly, nor does she understand
the concept of being discrete. We were not alone in the aisle, and Sydney’s
claim that our home was in need of an air freshener drew the attention of at
least four people. In order to make her case, and guarantee that an air
freshener make it into our cart, Sydney began to describe the smell that she
was sure enveloped our home. The people in the aisle all looked at me. They
were not even pretending to look at anything on the shelves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I asked Sydney again to move away from the air
fresheners, assuring her (mostly for the benefit of the people listening) that
we do not have the unseemly odors in our home that she was describing. But
Sydney did not take a step. Instead she bent down to examine the different
fragrances more closely. I walked back toward her and quietly told her that we
needed to move on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Mom. Why are you whispering?” she said. “We need to
talk about the smell I keep smelling in my room! Last night I couldn’t even
sleep. It was so awful. I’m pretty sure an air freshener would really help.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It just so happens that I go into Sydney’s room
several times each day. I had been in her room that very morning to put away
laundry. There <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">was</b> no odor. There <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">is</b> no odor. And I told her as much
while she was bent down inspecting all the Glade, Renuzit, and Febreeze
containers. She wasn’t listening, but I could see out of my peripheral vision
that everyone else in the aisle was leaning in and had heard it all. And the
crowd had grown slightly. I briefly wondered if one of those folks might even
offer to buy an air freshener for the poor little girl whose mom had her living
in a room with a stench. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Mom. Do you know how these things work? I don’t even
see how you open them. Do you have to take all the paper off to smell them?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I tried again. “Sydney. There is NO smell in your
room. We don’t need an air freshener.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">So, she changed tactics. “Mom. You know that smell
when we make a fire outside to roast hotdogs and the wood is burning? I smell
THAT smell in my room sometimes too.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And as one more person walked into the congested
aisle, I reached down and picked up an air freshener, tossed it into the cart,
and hurried away, chin held high. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">That air freshener is on Sydney’s dresser this evening
and she comes into the living room every few minutes to tell me how wonderful
her room smells. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If only those folks at Walmart could hear THAT. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If only I had waited and gone to Walmart tomorrow. We
could have lived without milk for twenty-four hours. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If this story made you giggle and you want more be sure and find us on Facebook at Quirks and Chaos. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The above is just one of hundreds of stories I could tell. Here are two I have illustrated:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRCpDrvlIEqzA-s3uOu7BDkj7iyUnnGo7L5aNWVSO4QvhMSSjyYHRWz0Ihu97_3fzxDLpMcC7rSj-ubFbZx2v3fFq4L7T395znvw5X-dYewlK2XPNjGuQg9RFCivrGpmBFLYhO-2BkYTpE/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Why_I_Don_t_Shop_There_Anymore_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRCpDrvlIEqzA-s3uOu7BDkj7iyUnnGo7L5aNWVSO4QvhMSSjyYHRWz0Ihu97_3fzxDLpMcC7rSj-ubFbZx2v3fFq4L7T395znvw5X-dYewlK2XPNjGuQg9RFCivrGpmBFLYhO-2BkYTpE/s640/Pixton_Comic_Why_I_Don_t_Shop_There_Anymore_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUj4vXPYU9a5BbfO-0Bbq85PF4Bp0qwGEii9jNh_0PF1EXJELsPcuQGyd-1P8gNk_9AguybVtEfrVIECMj5fbD3FKKpff6gtR2ygJ9_eHQtSoV_lmP7Mxe3Fhrm0ihV8QuGi89g8vHbo7/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Hotdogs_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUj4vXPYU9a5BbfO-0Bbq85PF4Bp0qwGEii9jNh_0PF1EXJELsPcuQGyd-1P8gNk_9AguybVtEfrVIECMj5fbD3FKKpff6gtR2ygJ9_eHQtSoV_lmP7Mxe3Fhrm0ihV8QuGi89g8vHbo7/s640/Pixton_Comic_Hotdogs_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
If you liked this post, you might like to read another. <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2012/12/saturday-morning-with-sydney.html" target="_blank">Saturday morning with Sydney</a></div>
<span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 279px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 124px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 279px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 124px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 2522px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 2522px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-18217637196152261412016-09-12T00:52:00.000-05:002016-09-12T07:12:53.788-05:00Transitioning to High School with Autism<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My son Tate is a freshman in High School this year. We
are two weeks in and I am breathing a bit easier now. He’s surviving. Transitions
can be hard for people with autism. I worried about everything. How would Tate
manage the huge transition to High School? How would he manage all the smaller transitions from one class to the next, in a hall crowded with so many other
students? Those kinds of things are so much harder for Tate than they are for you and I. On Tate’s second day of school, his older brother ran into him in the
hall. Literally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLOPXzY0mIG6wZp2JSIlmH7V1bas-kDRPDHIQjp9v1NYnZ4T37uLdXUxF4N9Dsm4H9kGIRM7Idd2mLykCtdX1RZkNcxwgULkG0nYzkWnI_jT0x4ge_hxsM2WDKjDkLYBZYJa650dmhigxJ/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_In_the_Hall_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLOPXzY0mIG6wZp2JSIlmH7V1bas-kDRPDHIQjp9v1NYnZ4T37uLdXUxF4N9Dsm4H9kGIRM7Idd2mLykCtdX1RZkNcxwgULkG0nYzkWnI_jT0x4ge_hxsM2WDKjDkLYBZYJa650dmhigxJ/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_In_the_Hall_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate’s brother has since seen Tate in the school halls,
and reports that Tate has mastered the skills necessary to dodge most of the
other students now. Whew!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">That first week was a bit rough on Tate. He was exposed to some ideas he could hardly believe. He came home distressed because his choir teacher mentioned
the wearing of robes at the scheduled performances. Luckily, she was most
understanding, compassionate and accommodating when I explained Tate’s sensory
issues and his anxiety about things like this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj4T8JfuXwtdsw1zmGba_ZNwBJDVsAq0r3ZJiDQcpxDr8l3Qa_pgl7ANuXm_WraGQBUXS9lLbbCMvOTGJKp5BXcy0B9Z7kF_nigIDkJUXJ9fptMQD8udqA3AbrRsXX-hklhTbvpsXPuLo7/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Choir_Robes_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj4T8JfuXwtdsw1zmGba_ZNwBJDVsAq0r3ZJiDQcpxDr8l3Qa_pgl7ANuXm_WraGQBUXS9lLbbCMvOTGJKp5BXcy0B9Z7kF_nigIDkJUXJ9fptMQD8udqA3AbrRsXX-hklhTbvpsXPuLo7/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Choir_Robes_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="608" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In addition to the anxiety felt by Tate, and all the
new routines to learn, there is also a learning curve for Tate’s new educators.
Each year as new teachers get to know Tate and his quirks, I worry that Tate
will be misunderstood or even mistreated because of his lack of social
awareness and socially acceptable responses. Will his teachers understand autism? Despite my fears, Tate is adjusting
marvelously. The High School teachers are proving to be as proficient and as understanding
as the teachers we left behind in Junior High. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDBXvQU5dHIwRsG-SiaBqpinWNzSVSWpqHCZIIKHT3jqahffw4iaicVOPKC2seyntIHQbfmB02JC1XZhndtLgqVR6WXBYFhSNo5tbKiwSjVsaSmLAK6oDwVXgzM0nx32VhFFjGHhnGCQn9/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_PE_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDBXvQU5dHIwRsG-SiaBqpinWNzSVSWpqHCZIIKHT3jqahffw4iaicVOPKC2seyntIHQbfmB02JC1XZhndtLgqVR6WXBYFhSNo5tbKiwSjVsaSmLAK6oDwVXgzM0nx32VhFFjGHhnGCQn9/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_PE_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Working with Tate requires patience and a sense of
humor. Luckily, the Physical Education teacher is demonstrating that he has both when he teaches Tate. Despite Tate's awkward gait and limited coordination, P.E. has always been one of Tate's favorite classes at school. I wondered if High School P.E. would be very different. I have always heard that much of the bullying that goes on in a High School is done in gym class. After just these few days I can see that Tate likes his P.E. class very much. The fact that there is never homework, helps!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate does not believe homework is ever justifiable.
Since he first entered public school he has been adamant that schoolwork should stay at
school where it belongs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYcbOPskFbmfUCfbeuwn4IZHU3b5anhd3Enn_Wu2HAi0Ah2hnZnGbeEFN-b4oNshkcfuP7vYVXqcYe_Do-IX7x2ZQma8xK1xs-el1buQALrosjoHLbjBOyeT_6HwfByoF2dPg_MRZtMBve/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_History_Homework_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYcbOPskFbmfUCfbeuwn4IZHU3b5anhd3Enn_Wu2HAi0Ah2hnZnGbeEFN-b4oNshkcfuP7vYVXqcYe_Do-IX7x2ZQma8xK1xs-el1buQALrosjoHLbjBOyeT_6HwfByoF2dPg_MRZtMBve/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_History_Homework_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tate's attempt at his report was his personal best. I read it with mixed feelings. Things like this show me just how far behind Tate is. But they also show me how far he has come. It is true that Tate cannot perform academically at
the level of his peers. However, I can honestly say that I am every bit as
proud of his efforts as any other parent. Tate works hard and does the best he
can in a world he has trouble making sense of. He shows me daily what it means
to persevere. It sounds a bit cliché but it is a fact: Tate has taught me far
more than I will ever teach him. He makes my heart smile. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq-lqRrk0Jbz9qZiYedhG7PgaJOy_Tod02-Tt6HaFE5jCRc6Ff-IYdH4zjSm9MbnHHZTWipzwXDqThzHDQd3EcT_5waDUNUDone6m6O_Av-ntaz_t4dPIOHMVK3-oKH1lrmjBIBpCIL99X/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Science_Fiction_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq-lqRrk0Jbz9qZiYedhG7PgaJOy_Tod02-Tt6HaFE5jCRc6Ff-IYdH4zjSm9MbnHHZTWipzwXDqThzHDQd3EcT_5waDUNUDone6m6O_Av-ntaz_t4dPIOHMVK3-oKH1lrmjBIBpCIL99X/s640/Pixton_Comic_Tate_BHS_Freshman_Science_Fiction_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 19px;">Get to know a child with autism. You will be forever changed in ways you could not have imagined. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you liked this post, you might also like: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/02/coffee-tables-arent-hot.html" target="_blank">Coffee Tables Aren't Hot</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">or this one: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/09/there-is-no-ham-in-hamburgers.html" target="_blank">There is no ham in hamburgers</a></span></div>
<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 3144px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 42px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 3144px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-37762950611936743522016-08-08T00:41:00.004-05:002016-08-08T00:45:21.437-05:00Meet Jacob: A Young Businessman with Autism<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">If you were to poll the parents of children in the autism community and ask them about the concerns they have, the uncertainty about their child’s future would be at the top of many lists. I know. I have a fourteen-year-old son with autism. This worry has haunted me for twelve years, since my son, Tate, was diagnosed. It is always in the back of my mind. What are we going to do when Tate is too old to go to school? I know parents of young adults on the spectrum, and while some are researching group homes, others are desperately trying to help their children find employment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Tate is entering High School this year. He still cannot count change accurately. He processes language slowly. His social skills are poor. He will likely never be a good candidate for most jobs. He lacks many of the skills necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Autism Speaks reports that approximately ninety percent of the adult autism population are unemployed. I have recently corresponded with two adults with an Asperger’s diagnosis who have told me how difficult it is to fit in, even when they are very capable of working a job. The social skills required to hold many jobs are often difficult to teach to a person on the spectrum. They are often misunderstood and coworkers are sometimes unfriendly, even when the actual work is being done well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">More and more parents are becoming proactive in finding meaningful employment opportunities for their adult children on the spectrum. It is said: “necessity is the mother of invention.” In the news lately, there have been some amazing stories. Adults with autism are working in bakeries and kitchens. One family started a carwash business that employs adults with autism. These are fantastic ideas. These are not things that my son would probably enjoy or excel at. He could definitely be taught the skills needed to bake cakes and cookies and to wash a car. His sensory issues would make car washing torturous for him though. Interacting with the public would lead to much confusion too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">I have recently gotten to know a mother named Shelly who gives me hope and inspiration. Shelly’s son Jacob is about to age out of public school. Jacob reminds me a lot of my son. Shelly and her husband are concerned about Jacob’s future and finding meaningful employment for him. Jacob, like my son, is impaired developmentally and socially. Despite years of vocational training in school, with a wonderful teacher, Jacob has been considered unemployable. In order to employ Jacob, there would be a need for complete and constant supervision. Jacob is sometimes defiant and uncooperative as well. What kind of occupation could there possibly be for a young man like Jacob?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Because Jacob has an amazing set of parents who know his weaknesses but try to focus on his strengths, they may have found the perfect niche for Jacob. They are helping Jacob to start his own internet sales business. Every day Shelly and Jacob work on the skills he will need to create his products, market them, package them and sell them. Jacob has leaned to do inventory and much more. He especially loves any part of the business that involves using a computer. He picked up invoicing through Paypal very quickly and enjoys that part of the business the most. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">At first, Jacob’s training sessions did not last more than half an hour. Thirty minutes was all he could handle. Some days Jacob cooperates more than others but he is making a real effort and learning so much. His training sessions are getting longer. This is all a full-time job for Shelly and it leaves her exhausted. There are high hopes that Shelly will fade some into the background as Jacob gains skills. Their goal is not to get rich, but to give Jacob meaningful employment that he can be proud of. This kind of thing would not work for every family. Jacob will need supervision close by, even if not hands on, at all times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">The business is in its earliest stages and there is still much to be done. </span><span style="color: #3a3e44; font-size: 14pt;">The most obvious thing needed for Jacob's training to succeed, in the form of actual employment skills, is through the repetition that comes with consistent orders. In order to facilitate that, Jacob's parents are trying their best to build a customer base through social media and word of mouth.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">To learn more about Jacob and his business, go to Journey to Jacob’s Ladder on Facebook or find his Etsy store at <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/Journey2JacobsLadder/items">https://www.etsy.com/shop/Journey2JacobsLadder/items</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Jacob is just one of many young people who are entering adulthood but unable to become part of the traditional workforce. There are many more upcoming young entrepreneurs on the spectrum in search of a niche to call their own. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Here are some photos of Jacob "on the job." Notice how much of the work he is doing on his own. His mom is always there to guide but Jacob is doing everything he can, on his own. </span></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-59369923502955182402016-07-18T21:34:00.003-05:002016-07-18T23:55:00.141-05:00A Clean Room and A Precious Find<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My fourteen-year-old son, Tate, is six feet and three
inches tall, exactly the length of a twin mattress. For two or three years I
have talked to Tate about getting a bigger bed, bringing it up fairly often.
Each time he became anxious, adamant that he did not need or want to change
beds. Tate has autism and change is hard for him. About two weeks ago, I could
tell he was possibly warming up to the idea so I pushed harder. I wanted to let
him decide, and this week he has declared he is ready. Today, I went up to
clean his room, in preparation for the moving of furniture this weekend. We will be moving a queen sized bed into Tate's room Saturday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Cleaning Tate’s room is always an adventure. He has
things placed exactly where he likes them, and he does not like others entering
“his space” either. I often clean Tate's room while he is at school but it’s
July and the kids are all home most of the time. I try to respect Tate’s wishes for the
most part, even his eccentricities, knowing he cannot really help having them. But,
at the same time, even a kid with autism needs to conform sometimes too. A reasonably clean room
is one of those aggravating things my son just has to accept for me to remain
sane myself. Tate is not quite capable of keeping his room clean himself, although he is making progress. His eyes do not seem to be able to see a mess in quite the same way my eyes do. Siblings often pitch in to help with the work and it goes quickly. Sometimes Tate's siblings are better at motivating him than I am too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">There are four large plastic tubs in Tate’s room and a
couple of baskets. They contain toys he never touches: some that were his
brother’s favorites, some that he got for Christmas, a few that never even came
out of the packaging, all gathering dust. When I suggest getting rid of anything,
Tate is usually resistant. There have been a few things that are far too
babyish for him that I have been able to convince him to let go. Today I snuck
a few things out that I was sure he wouldn’t miss. I vacuumed and dusted and
carried out trash. I rearranged some things on shelves and made more room to
display some of Tate’s artwork from school. He endured it all quite well, only
becoming upset with me when I took some things downstairs to wash. Some of the
anxieties and rigidities that Tate has lived with for so long seem to be
loosening their grip on him a bit. He is maturing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The last time we made drastic changes to Tate’s room,
he was about eight years old. He was sharing a room with his brother Levi and
we’d gotten them matching loft beds. The boys loved them. But we had not put
enough thought into it, as Tate was still wetting the bed occasionally. With
the added time and effort it took to come down from a loft bed, the accidents
got much worse and Levi and I seldom got an uninterrupted night’s sleep. So,
after trying many tricks and training programs, and making no progress with
staying dry at night, it was back to the furniture store. We came home with a
captain’s bed that matched the loft beds and we switched Tate’s out, giving
Sydney the loft bed. For at least two years he could hardly stand to go into
his sister’s room because HIS bed was there and it reminded him of how he’d
been “cheated.” He has been in that twin-sized captain’s bed ever since and has
not wanted to make any changes. His brother moved into another room a long time
ago, giving Tate the opportunity to use the other loft bed but it no longer interested
him. And autism reinforced for me once again how uncompromising it can be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7vQ4pXruM5CXd_O39CgyT9R-7sqLZKggbzGgRNkCpUaR30HMaERfX7WY65cXXx6gQceHxnJHEJevGPk7qLuFefDjTezO3sLCoqcJfdtcIr2X2cFjN26YuEHptGuBIEf2umNGZlrET9t2/s1600/IMG_3440.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7vQ4pXruM5CXd_O39CgyT9R-7sqLZKggbzGgRNkCpUaR30HMaERfX7WY65cXXx6gQceHxnJHEJevGPk7qLuFefDjTezO3sLCoqcJfdtcIr2X2cFjN26YuEHptGuBIEf2umNGZlrET9t2/s200/IMG_3440.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">While cleaning Tate’s room I came across things that
brought back precious memories, like Tate’s pet rock named Rocky. I had not
seen Rocky in years. (See link below to read about Rocky.) I uncovered enough lip balm to last us
all for years to come, and many typewritten lists. Tate loves lists. There were
lists of movies, lists of movie personalities and lists of gifts Tate wants to
receive. And, among those lists, I found something very precious that blew me
away. It was a story Tate had typed out. It made me smile because it was so
much fun to read. It made me cringe because the spelling was atrocious. It left
me excited because it was something he did on his own, without help. It caused
me to choke up because it was imaginative, and autism makes creativity and
imagination harder for people with autism, so writing a story is not something
that comes easy for him. I edited it just a bit so it is easier to read but
changed none of the wording. I’m thinking he stole the first line from Snoopy
perhaps but the tragic and abrupt ending is all his own. Read and enjoy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It was a dark night. A man who
is someone who can turn people into animals. Batman, Robin, R. L. Stine, C-3PO,
and R2-D2, team up to stop him. They go to Kansas to find the Smith brothers a.k.a.
Tate and Levi and their sister Sydney. They find out the only way to stop him
is for the three related kids to go with them. Then they run into Casper the
friendly ghost (who also goes with them) and Casper’s cousin Spooky who goes
with them as well. And when they got there, the villain, as you all know, has
released all the villains from Tate’s DVD’s. And when R. L. Stine told Batman
to go to the bat cave, Robin went with him. Spooky gave Casper the way to stop
the man. Tate went to look for a way to stop him. The man’s plan to take over
the world is almost finished. He turned Tate into a dog. Ten minutes later, he
turned back to normal. Levi opened all the DVDs and the villains got back into the DVDs and the villains were never
seen again. Tate has the power to turn into animals whenever he sees the name
of an animal now and Tate pushed the man to his death. The end. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Who knew that cleaning a bedroom could inspire a blog
post? If you liked this one then you might like: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-rock-is-not-stone.html">When a Rock is Not a Stone </a> and <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/11/typewriters-and-texts.html">Typewriters and Texts</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-4975849006145428262016-07-11T10:07:00.001-05:002016-07-11T10:12:11.958-05:00Forks Can Be Dangerous and Other Tips From Tate<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My fourteen-year-old son Tate was born with autism. In
my last post I spoke of <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-evolution-of-autism.html">the evolution of autism</a> in our home, how I used to feel
about autism, and how I have come to terms with it. There was a time when I
never would have believed I could easily laugh about our situation, but I do
laugh now. A lot. Every single day. I do not necessarily laugh AT my son. I do
not really laugh WITH my son either, as he does not usually understand why I
find things funny. I laugh because I enjoy my son and I enjoy the funny things
he says and does. Kids are funny, autism or not. I began illustrating some of
our humorous moments so that others might also be able to smile, understanding
that autism is not always doom and gloom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Trying to see the world through Tate’s eyes is
challenging at times, yet somewhat entertaining much of the time too. He has a
unique perspective and often a surprising way of looking at things. Tate offers
us advice and gives insight often. Here are some examples:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpH9bPmK_csH0cgcj4wDEoqxQNtFxLjqFGps0D3IAgkJLOvsorRRKNpPM-tlmJdMvijVDxGZHsBf448-H60wUvWGWlvQpK5l1hwVD5E1oyBmubLxD6qFENWKVv6zXAU3pLP_bqclOEVc6/s1600/Pixton_Comic_More_driving_tips_from_Tate_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpH9bPmK_csH0cgcj4wDEoqxQNtFxLjqFGps0D3IAgkJLOvsorRRKNpPM-tlmJdMvijVDxGZHsBf448-H60wUvWGWlvQpK5l1hwVD5E1oyBmubLxD6qFENWKVv6zXAU3pLP_bqclOEVc6/s640/Pixton_Comic_More_driving_tips_from_Tate_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho5Hes8sxe_-_cW7_CyImRuo2CMVFS8p4x32vtUaMS8t5vnPr92FsofeRXEV1FYKoQpB4OvjWDX8_uOj7FO0GWuH7y29G9u6oZzGuPZoAhQgl1QVa3dr_neeqNpySLokpXzvWxEO1ybssS/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Forks_Can_Be_Dangerous_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho5Hes8sxe_-_cW7_CyImRuo2CMVFS8p4x32vtUaMS8t5vnPr92FsofeRXEV1FYKoQpB4OvjWDX8_uOj7FO0GWuH7y29G9u6oZzGuPZoAhQgl1QVa3dr_neeqNpySLokpXzvWxEO1ybssS/s640/Pixton_Comic_Forks_Can_Be_Dangerous_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqiFoyxhZeoHT0ZiCHCZoht1fGXMkoGfNmJr1SEdDopjSB52d-19dsDjO82z9DmIWapCSbe9jPL-zRxN5BTZxunKqkJv3OCffRoFTuWcTv28pbLGuZpgzBf5j8C-xIJbyoiTr9lJdB5ts/s1600/Pixton_Comic_Chicken_Pox_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqiFoyxhZeoHT0ZiCHCZoht1fGXMkoGfNmJr1SEdDopjSB52d-19dsDjO82z9DmIWapCSbe9jPL-zRxN5BTZxunKqkJv3OCffRoFTuWcTv28pbLGuZpgzBf5j8C-xIJbyoiTr9lJdB5ts/s640/Pixton_Comic_Chicken_Pox_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKXirW5_k8FgsK13wjLZkqyfWcyb59aXnADIOGShRUkXcfn5cBGCrySazqThYmXMvGcnJLppEOix4HqzOxd2CPNU8cqaEqnfBPZuZjuqBgscOoGlLIEsb_q1XUvjQl2qGhyPC72-czYgMX/s1600/Pixton_Comic_The_Truth_About_The_Easter_Bunny_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKXirW5_k8FgsK13wjLZkqyfWcyb59aXnADIOGShRUkXcfn5cBGCrySazqThYmXMvGcnJLppEOix4HqzOxd2CPNU8cqaEqnfBPZuZjuqBgscOoGlLIEsb_q1XUvjQl2qGhyPC72-czYgMX/s640/Pixton_Comic_The_Truth_About_The_Easter_Bunny_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">One of the biggest challenges we face, living with
autism, is communication. There is miscommunication so much of the time. I can
walk away from Tate, believing he understands the information or instructions
given to him, when in fact he had no idea what was said. It’s not that he is
not trying or does not care, although sometimes that may be the case. I believe
he often “gets lost” in all the language and becomes overwhelmed trying to
process it, so he tunes us out. And other times I am sure he fully heard but
misunderstands. Regardless, we find ourselves in interesting conversations.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in the old comedy routine, “Who’s on First.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 19px;">We work on communication and conversation skills constantly. Believe it to not, Tate has come a very long way. Tate sees small talk as a waste of time and really does not understand why anyone would want to talk about things he has no interest in himself.</span></span> <o:p></o:p><br />
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<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I received a question on my blog page from a little girl today. She asked me if having a kid with autism is as hard as everyone says. I told her that autism is hard, but it is mostly hard for Tate, not for me. I explained to her some of the challenges he faces now and some of the challenges I believe he will face in the future. But then I told her that being Tate's mom is not hard because I love him so much. He is a fun kid and we have a really good life with lots of laughter. Putting it into words easy enough for a child to understand may oversimplify it just a little but the bottom line is: Regardless of the struggles we face, Tate is my son and he means the world to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhINfU1szCbP0dsZ_98CpWpcEVWn77qxzg_ZLjqA8ki_Aqq9PvjiMepQdJvMicg5Y48XlWhIdthmjwVoqP0lWEEM0lkR-GJMJ6ROCCmhdQFnXAVVvl4ND130zSNj5BfXpb_NYuSmVFYi2NW/s1600/Pixton_Comic_I_love_you_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhINfU1szCbP0dsZ_98CpWpcEVWn77qxzg_ZLjqA8ki_Aqq9PvjiMepQdJvMicg5Y48XlWhIdthmjwVoqP0lWEEM0lkR-GJMJ6ROCCmhdQFnXAVVvl4ND130zSNj5BfXpb_NYuSmVFYi2NW/s640/Pixton_Comic_I_love_you_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhINfU1szCbP0dsZ_98CpWpcEVWn77qxzg_ZLjqA8ki_Aqq9PvjiMepQdJvMicg5Y48XlWhIdthmjwVoqP0lWEEM0lkR-GJMJ6ROCCmhdQFnXAVVvl4ND130zSNj5BfXpb_NYuSmVFYi2NW/s1600/Pixton_Comic_I_love_you_by_Lisa_G_Smith.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
If you liked these cartoon illustrations, you might like these posts as well: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/09/there-is-no-ham-in-hamburgers.html">There is no ham in hamburgers.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/12/hobos-goosebumps-and-wiffle-balls.html">Hobos, Goosebumps and Wiffle balls</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2016/02/coffee-tables-arent-hot.html">Coffee Tables Aren't Hot</a></div>
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<br /></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-54122520287079856282016-06-25T07:32:00.002-05:002016-06-25T10:29:55.314-05:00The Evolution of Autism <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the past twelve
years I have heard, “Autism? What’s that?” from more than a few people. And
I’ve patiently answered. After all, twelve years ago I had almost no idea what
autism is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Originally, when asked,
I quoted a definition of autism that went something like, “Autism is a
neurological disorder that limits a person’s ability to communicate and learn
from their environment. A person with autism may have trouble with
communication and social skills, and they might engage in repetitive behaviors
and have limited interests.” Of course, if given the opportunity I would
expound on that definition significantly, because offering that general and
very broad definition never really painted a very clear picture of who my son
was and what his differences were.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Many, many times, I
probably left the impression with people that autism is a very big and scary
beast. Back then, that is what autism was to me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">When we first
encountered autism it seemed like a powerful villain in a dark movie. It lurked
in shadowy corners like a kidnapper who was holding my son hostage, just out of
my reach. Autism frightened me like nothing I had ever known. And my definition
of autism reflected that. Autism does not intimidate me now like it did back
then so I can define it just a little bit differently than I used to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ten years ago, autism
meant: discrete trials and flashcards, long team meetings, therapists in my
living room for hours at a time, and a second mortgage to pay for it all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism was stereotypic
behaviors like toe walking, posturing, squealing, and my constant reminders of
“calm hands please.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant drool bibs
and diapers long after peers outgrew them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism was a love
affair with vacuum cleaners.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant memorizing
acronyms that everyone around me seemed to already understand without pausing
to decipher, always leaving me a sentence behind while I tried to keep up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant learning a
whole new vocabulary and using words like perseverate and echolalia on a daily
basis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWjl1XgW4H7rsBwZ1ocTwLEkqcmDRYPHUjiR9RuA6RaevKFcANi_xrMMV-6hnI9CnGL6lvblIXH_31_NXV2kZYeiW47wHLh66AHVE-imwOlWQC4zn3ZWA8n6t_D3ww8mhz3EEJ50C0Chzv/s1600/DSC00009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWjl1XgW4H7rsBwZ1ocTwLEkqcmDRYPHUjiR9RuA6RaevKFcANi_xrMMV-6hnI9CnGL6lvblIXH_31_NXV2kZYeiW47wHLh66AHVE-imwOlWQC4zn3ZWA8n6t_D3ww8mhz3EEJ50C0Chzv/s320/DSC00009.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant owning
every character from the Thomas series, so they could be lined up and
worshipped, but rarely played with appropriately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism was staying
awake for hours at night to make sure Woody’s hat did not come off his head.
And autism meant if the crayon from the sacred Blue’s Clues notebook was
missing, we searched as long as it took to find it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism turned bath time
into a painful battle and haircuts into torture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism was locked doors
and the fear of wandering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant, “Please.
Please. Just take a bite” and “He hasn’t pooped in days.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism was transition
warnings, meltdowns, visual schedules, and routines without flexibility. Autism made me
hold my breath, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant anxiety
and so many fears. There was the fear of storms. And loud noises. And people in
costumes. And dogs. And bats (because there might be one somewhere out there
that would swoop down and flap in his hair). And police officers. And other
children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant I was
constantly explaining behaviors and making excuses for the differences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism meant that I
dreaded detour signs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">That was a lifetime
ago, but only yesterday. Somewhere along the journey, as my son has matured and
time has passed, how I see autism had changed, It has changed just a little in
some ways, but a lot in others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps it is sort of
like Stockholm syndrome and I now identify with my son’s captor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps it is because I
have just come to accept what is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps it is because
all the early intervention helped to eliminate some of the hardest parts of
autism. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps autism has
evolved as my son has aged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps it is because
autism was never really as scary as I thought it was in the first place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">For whatever reason(s) I
have grown somewhat complacent with autism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not embrace autism. I do not even like autism. I just do not fear
autism anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">It was definitely a
gradual thing. It did not happen in one defining moment. It’s not that we have
slayed the proverbial beast that I perceived autism to be, or even that we have
tamed it. Autism is still with us. It still sometimes seems bigger than us. But
mostly it is in the background. We used to revolve around autism. It was at the
center of everything. But these days,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>most days, it lives with us quietly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">These days autism means
IEP meetings that go well, and an advocate who is like family to us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thomas the train and
Blue’s Clues have been forgotten. Now, autism means shelves and shelves
overflowing with movies and obsessions about movie personalities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism means Legos. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism means that we
only get haircuts on Thursdays but they are not traumatic for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJzeEJRIoVXkGKq29bh0JiJld_szvgyqMBWNZZhD8lFQ2Kv1PP2NpAHEpLN-6wWe16qp7awyYdnK65HxXITJVJUBaqmg4WZuLOYhSiHu9E_XBzT6IDw6bQCIQHndOvNIMC-mEu71j_PN4V/s1600/IMG_3253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJzeEJRIoVXkGKq29bh0JiJld_szvgyqMBWNZZhD8lFQ2Kv1PP2NpAHEpLN-6wWe16qp7awyYdnK65HxXITJVJUBaqmg4WZuLOYhSiHu9E_XBzT6IDw6bQCIQHndOvNIMC-mEu71j_PN4V/s200/IMG_3253.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism means a peanut
butter sandwich, chips and 3 cookies presented in the same way every day for
lunch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism means cheese
pizza, lots and lots of cheese pizza. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism is literal
thinking and explaining the punch line of a joke. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism is funny
misunderstandings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Autism means peers who
are willing to help and educators who genuinely care about my son. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">Perhaps in years to
come I will feel differently. It could be that as my son’s peers begin to
drive, go off to college, and wed, my vision of the ugly monster will be
resurrected. I can imagine as I get older and my son needs a sibling to step
into his life as his caregiver, that I will redefine autism once again. But for
now, these days, autism is just a quiet part of who our family is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #010101; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you liked this post, you might also like: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/08/you-may-be-autism-parent-if.html">You may be an autism parent if...</a></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-37532735492655513532016-06-17T16:12:00.002-05:002016-06-17T20:46:25.322-05:00An Autism Mom's Thoughts on Disney's Finding Dory <div style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXCOxz6jEJ3ATqEIqrE0XBM1OHGPht6Wsa6CMe9IP0jwrkC0EhLYQjm3-nqBc6dFAGy8XY_BUXIaGnJC7yKRf3XaX8Yk1yAEhQQ_rKw6HNdXGAX6MH5y3CuKliXYozdo0Lh0cCADRfQv97/s1600/IMG_3238.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXCOxz6jEJ3ATqEIqrE0XBM1OHGPht6Wsa6CMe9IP0jwrkC0EhLYQjm3-nqBc6dFAGy8XY_BUXIaGnJC7yKRf3XaX8Yk1yAEhQQ_rKw6HNdXGAX6MH5y3CuKliXYozdo0Lh0cCADRfQv97/s200/IMG_3238.JPG" width="200" /></a>My son, Tate, and I just came away from the Pixar movie, Finding Dory. It’s been on our calendar for weeks, as are most animated films. Movies are Tate’s “thing” and we rarely miss one he shows an interest in. </div>
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I had not seen a trailer for Finding Dory. The only thing I knew going into the theater was that it was a Pixar film and a sequel to Finding Nemo. Finding Nemo was a favorite of Tate’s when he was young, and Tate has much of the dialogue memorized. I knew Tate was going to love the movie, but I did not expect to be overly interested myself. I had no idea that three blue cartoon fish, a couple of clown fish, and a grumpy octopus (make that a septopus) would draw me in and cause me to feel gut wrenching empathy and compassion during parts of this film. Throughout the film I found myself comparing Tate and autism to Dory and her own disability. Dory was unable to remember the things she needed to do to be successful and to keep herself from harm. I saw myself in the caregivers who surrounded Dory and tried to keep her safe. </div>
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As a very small fish, Dory’s parents tried so hard to surround her with rules and plans. They taught her rhymes and songs to help her remember the safety rules. They taught her to repeat her name and her diagnosis. They showed her the path back home over and over and marked it for her. And still Dory’s mother cried and worried because it might not be enough.</div>
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I remember all the discrete trial programs we had for Tate. He memorized his parents’ names and his address. Those things meant nothing to him, but he could spout them if asked. In the autism community we have Tee shirts that help our kids tell others they have autism. There are ID bracelets available. We can buy signs for our cars and even stickers to put on their bedroom windows for rescue workers to see. Some of us have service dogs and special locks on our doors. We are so very careful. And yet, we worry. What if….</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQWQS8hp3VndkSHpJQwYqKpXEJ-7Xl5_GDJBB6-k-930mSsmCPUX1AaQdSLy0ZFCC1TVPbuFr4LrzYcPgrAMGkOMH9dGl-mQaOaZ-pkRHVLtJvS4RGALejlY83_9hRPRwZWlCfDHhkloV/s1600/scan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQWQS8hp3VndkSHpJQwYqKpXEJ-7Xl5_GDJBB6-k-930mSsmCPUX1AaQdSLy0ZFCC1TVPbuFr4LrzYcPgrAMGkOMH9dGl-mQaOaZ-pkRHVLtJvS4RGALejlY83_9hRPRwZWlCfDHhkloV/s320/scan.jpg" width="320" /></a>Dory, as a young fish, could not advocate for herself or find help once she was lost. As an adult fish she still depended on others to keep her safe. At fourteen years old, Tate cannot communicate well enough to advocate for himself amongst strangers, nor would he know who to turn to and ask for help. Through no fault of her own, Dory made tremendous mistakes at time and she felt guilty because she could not do the things she felt she should have been able to do. I hear Tate constantly apologizing for things he cannot do because of his autism. I assure him that there is no need to apologize and my heart aches for him. </div>
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Nemo was a character that never once gave up on his friend Dory. Nemo KNEW Dory was capable of more than she was being given credit for. He was always supportive and patient, ready to help but willing to wait to see if Dory could do it herself. Nemo is much like the typically developing friends Tate has at school. They encourage him and know just when to step in to help. </div>
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Dory’s caretakers were understanding and patient with her most of time but occasionally when things were tense, someone snapped at her, making her feel like a failure. At one point in the movie, Marlin criticized Dory and it crushed her. It rarely happens in our home. But I’m not perfect. Marlin spent a few minutes in denial that he had said anything wrong and then much longer beating himself up for what he said. Once again, I saw myself in the animated character on the screen. </div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY8PxfxT7KeBCB1Ux5h0KfJdpVSTwOnVk4JGw00W9BR8V9JoIMGbSdg-fMTlNhU69t6lvJ6EX07QaU2pzXsQETttTxadh9wYnyLCi3mth3Y3taJ1SnaXapqiDd-0fExDeZcKpj8_zkSMpo/s1600/IMG_3243.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY8PxfxT7KeBCB1Ux5h0KfJdpVSTwOnVk4JGw00W9BR8V9JoIMGbSdg-fMTlNhU69t6lvJ6EX07QaU2pzXsQETttTxadh9wYnyLCi3mth3Y3taJ1SnaXapqiDd-0fExDeZcKpj8_zkSMpo/s320/IMG_3243.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tate made "Nemo" in his art class this past school year</span>.</td></tr>
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Marlin underestimated Dory several times in this movie. Of course she still had special needs and needed help but there were some things she could do well. Once again, I saw a comparison here. There have been many times I have doubted Tate and he showed me just how wrong I was. At the end of the film, we saw Marlin trying so hard to trust in Dory like her friend Nemo did. But even after he had “learned his lesson” he still followed and spied from afar to make sure Dory was safe. And Dory knew. Dory knew that Marlin was watching and there for her if she needed him. It is such a fine line we walk (or swim).</div>
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If you liked this movie review, you might like this: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2015/06/an-autism-moms-thoughts-about-disneys.html">A Review of Disney's Inside Out</a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 353px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 0.85; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1068px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 353px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 0.85; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1068px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-89710738736250373072016-05-24T10:14:00.000-05:002016-05-24T10:53:59.216-05:00It's not that complicated! Or is it?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Our brains can take a complex task with a lot of steps
and many different scenarios and put them all together into a simple daily
routine that comes very easy to us. But to put that task into words and to
teach that task and all the different scenarios to a person with autism is
daunting. For example: walking through door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Who knew there were so many things to consider when
you need to get into a building or a room? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You might think that a written procedure for getting
into a room or building with a closed door could not possibly be that
complicated to compose. It might look something like this: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step One:</b> Approach the door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b>·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></b></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Two:</b> Reach out and grasp the door handle or knob
and turn it if needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Three:</b> Push or pull the door open. Open the door
wider than your body width. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Four: </b>Walk through the opening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Five:</b> Allow the door to close, or push (or pull)
it closed as needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">However, these steps are actually not enough. As a
matter of fact, I cannot imagine being able to create a list that could cover
all the things I know about opening a door that my son needs to be taught. I’ve
been trying unsuccessfully for years to teach Tate all of the steps and rules
the rest of us have about walking through a door. What do I mean? Why can Tate
not open a door and walk through it? Oh, he has the five steps above down
without a problem. It’s the rest. What do I mean: “the rest”? Take a look at
the procedure most of us use: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step One: </b>Approach the door, but be aware of all the
people around you. Do not brush up against anyone or get in front of anyone who
is also waiting to go through the door. Wait for your turn patiently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Two:</b> Reach out to grasp the door handle or knob.
If someone else is close and they are also reaching for the knob, look at them.
By looking at their face and by seeing where their eyes are looking, you might
be able to tell if they would prefer you open the door of they would like to
open it. Watch their body language. If they quicken their pace, then let them
reach for the door first. If they slow down, then you go ahead and reach out
for the door. You could also just say, “I’ll get the door for you” if you want
to open it, or “After you” if you prefer they open the door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Three:</b> Open the door or allow the other person to
open the door. If you open the door, do not just assume you should go through
first. You might need to open it and hold it so they can walk through first.
There are things to consider. Are their hands full? Be sure and hold the door
and hand it off to the other person gently if they seem like they are willing
to take the weight of the door. If they open the door and step back for you to
go through first then go ahead, and then smile your thanks or say, “Thank you.”
If the person’s hands are full and you were the one to go through the door
first then reach back and hold the door for them. If you watch the other
person’s hands and face you might be able to tell if they expect you to hold
the door or if they want to hold the door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Four: </b>Walk through the door but be sure and look
behind you. There may be someone else approaching the door that you should
consider. If there is someone only two or three steps away and the door is a
self-closing door, give the door a gentle push so the next person can grab the
door. If someone is approaching from up to ten steps away, if their hands are
full, or if they are on crutches, or if they are elderly and moving slowly, or
if they have a dog on a leash, or if they are pushing a stroller, or if they
are too small to reach the door, or if they are leading a gorilla by the hand,
then hold the door open for them. (I have become facetious here but I want you
to see how hard it is to teach EVERY possible scenario!) There are so many. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Step Five: </b>Allow the door to close, or push or pull it
closed as needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Notice the very specific things above: “two or three
steps away” and “up to ten steps away.” These are the things I have become very
aware of as I have been trying to teach these things to Tate. I’ve become very
interested in the social aspect involved in many daily tasks and I have been
watching others and breaking down the steps involved in tasks I perform myself.
The next time you approach a building to open a door with several others around,
notice how everyone seems to know what to do. Watch the same procedure in a
downpour with everyone holding umbrellas. The procedure for opening the door is
somewhat different as everyone hurriedly closes their umbrella and tries not to
get wet, all the while adjusting their moves to fit those around them who are
also trying to stay dry. How do we all just know what to do? There certainly
was no five step procedure with every scenario listed out for us to memorize. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">All these kinds of things have been taught to us by
example. We see examples all around us. People are often rushing up to hold the
door for someone else who has their arms full. People are constantly walking
through a door before me, and then as I approach, they give it one extra push so
I can reach out and grab the door. I just KNOW what is and is not socially
acceptable when I walk through a door. I know because of the way my brain
works. And Tate just does NOT KNOW because of the way his brain works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I have tried to help Tate to understand the social
cues involved in opening a door for years. Even after much instruction and
example we’ve made little progress. This past school year I have seen Tate walk
right to the front of a group of people who were patiently waiting to walk
through a door and squeeze through ahead of the rest. I have seen him walk up
to a door that someone was holding for him to grab, but instead of reaching out
to take the door, Tate slid right past and into the building, leaving the other
person confused about what had just happened. I have seen him drop a door that
he walked through, just as a person with their arms full was just about to
struggle through. I have seen him walk through a door oblivious to an elderly
person who really needed some help to keep the door open. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve given Tate so much instruction about the door to
his school that the last semester he was just trying to time his entry into the
school so no one else was around him. He knew he was “doing it wrong” every day
so he just decided to do it alone. Major “fail” on my part. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0BjMGOQ1U1N8d93US9VA6k_WC-JFbL1Mic-lZE4b-xRd64xW-8i4a47-wVaXCCBd8YyBcwuIF2hhPUhmwXPDMDBDTNev13aG-5aRvI14vun478bvzPl7vCvGQobxpSAacB2qAzvbeYRjf/s1600/IMG_2848.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0BjMGOQ1U1N8d93US9VA6k_WC-JFbL1Mic-lZE4b-xRd64xW-8i4a47-wVaXCCBd8YyBcwuIF2hhPUhmwXPDMDBDTNev13aG-5aRvI14vun478bvzPl7vCvGQobxpSAacB2qAzvbeYRjf/s320/IMG_2848.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I try to tell myself that these kinds of things are
not THAT important. A hundred years from now it will not matter if Tate snubbed
someone or dropped a door he should have held. But in daily living, these
things can become pretty important. How others perceive you based on your
actions determines a lot of things. I want Tate to continue to have friends
long after his small circle of friends at the Junior High have moved on.
Teaching Tate about body language and how to interpret those things is so
difficult, if not impossible. Teaching Tate about how to anticipate what
another person is going to do by looking at their face is very difficult, if
not impossible. I have found some materials from a real giant of a therapist
named Michelle Garcia Winner. She teaches people about social thinking and
“thinking with their eyes.” Watching other people and where their eyes are
looking can tell you so much. Because Tate has autism and has such a hard time
with faces and eye contact I haven’t been able to make much progress in this
area. But. I am not giving up. There has to be a way to teach this. A friend
with autism suggested I catch Tate on film so he can see what he is doing that
is socially unacceptable to the rest of us. I believe I will give that a try. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">If you liked this post, you might also enjoy reading: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2014/03/what-brought-you-here.html">What brought you here?</a></span></span></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7599317265897121292.post-52514021363573901342016-04-09T17:23:00.001-05:002017-07-12T20:57:20.567-05:00Take Another Breath Daddy<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Take
another breath Daddy! Because as long as you are still breathing, you are still
here with me. Take another breath.</div>
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Take
another breath Daddy. I need you here. You are always strong when I am weak. I’m
not sure I can be strong if you are not here to shore me up and encourage me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath. I need to be able to ask your advice. I still have so much to
learn from you. No one else’s opinion will matter to me in the same way yours
has. I need your wisdom. Take another breath Daddy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath. I cannot do all the things you do for me. I rely on you! You
help me with things that are small to you but huge to me. You fix my broken
furniture and change my flat tires. You help me take my dog to the vet and kill
snakes for me. You plow the snow from my driveway. You have always been ready
to come to my rescue with a ladder, a mower, a chainsaw, or your tool belt. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath. I have taken you for granted in the past. What will I do
without you here? When you are watching I try hard to make you proud. Will I
try as hard without you here? I’m afraid. Take another breath.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath Daddy. I need to hear your stories. I haven’t memorized all of
them yet, even the ones you tell often. I need to hear them all again. I want
to hear more about your childhood and your time in the army. I want to hear more
about your years of farming and the adventures you had as a mechanic. Lately,
you’ve told me a few I’ve never heard before! You might have a few more you
haven’t shared with me yet. I need to hear more! I want to remember them all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath. You need to make me laugh. I love your silly rhymes, and poems,
and songs! They’ve made me smile my whole life. How does one guy have that many
witty lines memorized? You have one for every occasion. And yesterday, when you
were told what a short time you have left, you did it again. You joked with me
about a silly regret and made me giggle in the midst of my grief. Please. Take
another breath. For me. Take another breath. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Take
another breath. Talk to me. I need to hear your voice. What if I forget what
you sound like? You’ve always been just a phone call away. Take another breath.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Take another breath Daddy. I have been watching you for these past few days as you struggle to get enough air. I need you to take another breath because I am not as brave as you are. You do not cry. You are not afraid. I cry. I am afraid. I need you here to be brave for me. Take another breath. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never lost my daddy before. I need you to help me get through this. Take another breath. Please. Take another breath.<br />
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Note: At the end of March, 2016 my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. We were told he had weeks to live. He has defied the odds. This update is July, 2017 and the end is very near for him.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi30TNUwv_0M-zbb43yWClgxxvFbnCUAlepAjyy6VOhH4l-JZDSrRckggjZxIrN99SvpioFzhuTCvPT5jzsvIs0fOGABr0rcoe8iDc_IyNorh8vGuGwnsRJO4q0V5LUkb_jL_5BiEXbIA24/s1600/mom+and+dad+holding+hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi30TNUwv_0M-zbb43yWClgxxvFbnCUAlepAjyy6VOhH4l-JZDSrRckggjZxIrN99SvpioFzhuTCvPT5jzsvIs0fOGABr0rcoe8iDc_IyNorh8vGuGwnsRJO4q0V5LUkb_jL_5BiEXbIA24/s320/mom+and+dad+holding+hands.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Dad's hands, April 8, 2016</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuU94-aq8Yj-husf-v2MxNW5yfgTqK-kxvBywNZ3TwjNtwxvACR28G1tnAjRP6FZbchrLZhG67b2duArNEiCLqQx5Sl0DEHEuNLG_38v42UM11gKskoTR-w7wpck3xPzct5ZsDMRir8vpn/s1600/Sydney+and+Gpa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuU94-aq8Yj-husf-v2MxNW5yfgTqK-kxvBywNZ3TwjNtwxvACR28G1tnAjRP6FZbchrLZhG67b2duArNEiCLqQx5Sl0DEHEuNLG_38v42UM11gKskoTR-w7wpck3xPzct5ZsDMRir8vpn/s320/Sydney+and+Gpa.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sydney and my dad at a cattle sale</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe7JT5GyZMLNIM_L1eS_dVBn2cTFahEh0ODN4wOyhNtkSDLsPHmmK-Kixx-vprUh8u2AxrWdiwD_fqo9soX9-89_KUh4WX-G37lRIntHao7dBknteEVT6aNX1jUSdk-gOv_9ufKMN8SYY1/s1600/scan0016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe7JT5GyZMLNIM_L1eS_dVBn2cTFahEh0ODN4wOyhNtkSDLsPHmmK-Kixx-vprUh8u2AxrWdiwD_fqo9soX9-89_KUh4WX-G37lRIntHao7dBknteEVT6aNX1jUSdk-gOv_9ufKMN8SYY1/s400/scan0016.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">My college graduation, 1985</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span></td></tr>
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If you liked this blog post, you might also like these two: <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2013/04/choosing-my-nursing-home.html">Choosing My Nursing Home</a> and <a href="http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2013/03/dont-blink.html">Don't Blink </a></div>
mother of manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15908483127049496177noreply@blogger.com6