I was asked to write a
post about the qualities of a good paraprofessional (para). I could hardly do
that without saying a few things about the super paras Tate has known.
When you have a young
child with an IEP in public school, the paraprofessional is often the person
with the most influence in his life for the school day. Yet, those valuable
people are paid the least, frequently taken for granted, and given almost no
voice sometimes. It is an upside down world we live in. If there was a
Paraprofessional Hall of fame, some of the folks I am about to tell you about
would have a plaque there.
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| Tate and Sydney with Shelly |
When Tate began school, we
stepped into an ideal situation in some ways. A Kansas University student who
had been working with Tate in a preschool setting needed to spend a semester in
a public school setting to fulfill her graduation requirements. She applied for
the job as Tate’s para and was hired. Shelly was not a traditional student. She
had kids and she knew first hand what it was like to have a son with autism.
Her son was older than Tate and nonverbal. Because of Shelly, the transition from
Tate’s private early intervention program to public school went very well. Shelly
already knew Tate’s strengths and weaknesses. She was energetic, excited, and
fun. Kids were drawn to her like moths to a light. Social skills teaching
opportunities abounded. If playing with Tate meant they got to be with Shelly,
the kids were always willing.
In my opinion, Shelly knew
far more about autism than anyone else in the school building that year but no
matter how many times I asked, I was not allowed to bring her into our IEP
meetings or ask for her input. The reasons are not really valid ones in my
mind. There was: Paras do not have the education teachers do. And: It would
violate your child’s privacy. Then: We need the para with your child during the
meeting. And of course: We are not required by law to allow it. I don’t know
how many times I heard about how highly qualified my son’s para was but when it
was time for the IEP meeting the para was not qualified “enough” to have a
voice.
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Tate's wonderful Miss Grace,
2nd grade |
The next Para who made a
real impact for us was Miss Grace. I smile just typing her name. She made
learning fun. She often went far beyond her paid duties to help make a real
difference in Tate’s life. In first and second grade, Tate cried often in the
morning because he did not want to go to school. A reminder that Miss Grace
would be waiting for him could sometimes turn him around. Miss Grace is beautiful
and Tate was enamored. She could cajole Tate into touching finger paints or
clay, and doing a lot of activities he disliked. Miss Grace really got to know
Tate and she genuinely liked him. She is very outgoing, taught him a lot about
teasing, and she was with Tate as a coach through many of those playground
interactions with his peers that his IEP called for. Grace is likely
responsible for much of the social progress Tate made in the primary grades. To
this day when we run into her in the community, she can engage Tate in twenty
minutes of active conversation without breaking a sweat. I am his mother and I
can rarely do that. Miss Grace has a gift and I will forever be grateful she
shared it with us.
Tate was without para
support for a while in third grade and substitutes were coming and going. One
day I happened to be at the school when a new sub showed up. His name was
Richie. I did not know it at the time but Mr. Richie was to become my hero. In
the paragraph above, I said that I smiled when I typed Miss Grace’s name. My
vision actually blurred with tears when I typed Richie’s name. Mr. Richie was
everything we needed and has made a life-long impact on us. I can imagine we
will still be referring to Mr. Richie when Tate is old and gray.
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| Mr. Richie and Tate, 3rd grade |
There was a bit of an
ironic beginning though. Richie is black, and Tate in his younger years had
been quite racist, much to our embarrassment. Tate was not taught this by
example I can assure you! Like many other irrational fears that come with
autism, Tate was uneasy around “brown skinned people” in his own words. The
first day Mr. Richie showed up, I walked over to the teacher to warn her Tate
would likely be rude and even fearful. But thankfully, I don’t think Tate ever
noticed Richie’s skin color. If he did I never heard about it from anyone. And
if Tate had been rude, Richie probably
quietly laughed about it, understanding that autism often causes
misperceptions. Richie just “got it” from the very beginning.
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| Tate with Mr. Richie, 4th grade |
If I were limited to two
words to describe Richie, they would be: “autism whisperer.” But fortunately I
can say much more. Mr. Richie was with Tate for much of third grade, all of
fourth, and all of fifth grade. Mr. Richie has a huge presence but I don’t know
how he does it because he is one of the quietest guys I know. He taught Tate to
do things no one else was having any luck at. Mr. Richie always seemed to know
what Tate was thinking. He could talk Tate down from a meltdown as well as I
could have myself. Maybe better. He was firm yet kind. Academically Tate did very
well with Mr. Richie at his side too. Richie was good at getting Tate to try
new activities and foods. Tate wanted to please Richie because he cared about
what Richie thought. THAT is huge in our world. Tate does not show much
affection or appear to have much interest in many people other than family; but
he connected with Mr. Richie. Mr. Richie taught Tate many social skills. That
lunch buddy program I am always blogging about had a waiting list because the
kids loved eating with Mr. Richie probably much more than they liked helping
with Tate! (Tate's Lunch Buddy Program Described)
Several times Tate got
frustrated enough with Richie to say, “You are fired!” Once was when Tate had
become obsessed with his watch. He used his watch as a visual stim and would
stare at his watch to see the numbers change when he should have been doing his
classwork. Richie occasionally had to take the watch away from Tate. No one but
Richie could have taken that watch and still gotten Tate past the meltdown and
refocused on the task at hand. Autism whisperer, I’m telling you.
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| Team Tate is amazing |
The Junior High transition
had the potential to be a real nightmare but in stepped an amazing new para
named Miss A. She is young, full of enthusiasm, always has a smile, and is as
much a friend to Tate as she is a teacher. I do not think sixth grade would
have gone half as well as it did without Miss A. This year Tate has Miss A with
him part of the day but he has also graduated to rotating through Paras as he
goes from class to class. There are four total and I like all four of them! More
importantly, Tate likes them all and they are really good with him.
I understand that not
everyone has the experiences that our family has had with wonderful, caring
paraprofessionals. I’ve heard stories from teachers and other parents, of paras
who hurt or neglected their child. One teacher told me of a para who slept
through parts of their day in her classroom. I hope those are the exceptions
and most people are having the kinds of experiences we have had.
And that brings me to the
topic I was asked to write about: What makes a good paraprofessional? Of course
many of the qualities of a good para are obvious. A para needs to be kind and
compassionate, enjoy children, and have a good attitude-- even when the job is
messy or hard. The para must be able to teach at the grade level of the child
they are helping. If a para is helping in the high school in an algebra class
but cannot do algebra then no one is going to benefit. A para should be
physically fit enough to stick with the child they have been assigned to work
with. Tate needed social skills coaching on the playground when he was in
elementary school. Tate also required para support in PE at times. His para was
sometimes called on to run up and down a soccer field or play kickball. Some
kids with autism have elopement issues too. A para needs to be able to keep
their young charge safe.
Then there are qualities
that might not be so obvious. A sense of humor will sure come in handy. It is
important not to take it personally when a child with autism says what they
think. Many times Tate has reported to one of the adults in his world that
their skin is a bit wrinkly or they are getting up there in years. Sometimes these
kids are funny! Enjoy them! I love it when I get a note from one of my kids’
teachers sharing something fun they have said or done. I will add this
disclaimer, before I get messages: Of course, there is a difference between
laughing about something kids say or do, and laughing at them in a
mean-spirited way.
A para should not be squeamish.
A person hired to work with a handicapped child should not be afraid of sticky fingers,
sneezes, drool, or puddles of any other bodily fluids. A para might be called
upon to teach a child to: blow their nose, comb their hair, use a fork, button,
zip, tie, wipe or wash, among many other things. A para might be asked to teach
using: water, sand, dirt, clay, shaving cream, paint, or many other substances.
A para may need to learn sign language, braille, or other skills just so they can work with one
student. My kids’ paras have had to do some things they may have never
considered when they applied for the job. Some skills might seem insignificant
yet make a big difference for the child. One para has spent hours of hard work
teaching my little girl to play one song on the recorder. The other students in
her class were onto much harder pieces by the time my daughter mastered that
first song: Hot Cross Buns. The para was probably hearing that awful whistle in
her dreams at night due to all the time it took, but she was so patient. I had
given up all hope of Sydney mastering that song but the para had not. I had
even asked Sydney’s teacher if they could just “skip” the recorder but Sydney
insisted she wanted to learn to play
that recorder, just like her peers. Because of the tenacity and patience of one
para, Sydney can proudly play that song.
Students with special
needs can have a lot of energy. Of course some are even hyperactive. On the
other hand, students with special needs can be inactive and very slow moving.
Either way a para will need to have a lot of energy. My daughter Sydney has
ADHD and is hard to keep up with, while my son Tate moves at a snail’s pace.
When Tate was in preschool, a teacher once told me she always had an energy
drink before working one-on-one with Tate because she needed enough energy for
both of them. The more fun and alive she was, the more engaged Tate would be.
I’ve never forgotten that. She made a really good point. Paras need to be very engaging;
no matter how hard their pupil is to engage.
Sometimes a para has to
spend a lot of time taking data and doing paperwork. For many parents, the note
they send home is very important and cannot be neglected. (Click here to read about that invaluable note home.) It is a parent’s link
to school and helps them to know what their child is working on and how they
can help. The data a para is sometimes called upon to collect may seem a waste
of time but is very important in determining what kind of help the student will
receive. Sometimes a para may not appreciate what is asked of them but they are
required to do it anyway. A para must be able to “grin and bear it.”
Paras will be called upon
to make personal sacrifices on occasion. A para might be asked to do something minor,
like discontinue the use of perfumes so a child with sensory needs can be more
comfortable. But bigger sacrifices are asked too. Some paras go home with
bruises. There are students who exhibit self-injurious behavior and some who become
violent. Paras have to be able to keep the student safe or even defend themselves
without returning any aggression. And it all has to be done while staying calm.
Who are these people we
ask so much of and pay so little? Who are these people who love our kids and see
their potential? Who are these people who have to implement all those “great ideas”
our kid’s teams think up while we are in those IEP meetings? Who are these
people who keep coming back for more? They are “angels among us” and they are called
paraprofessionals. They make a difference in our children's lives every day in little ways that we will never even realize. They make a big difference in our children's lives and whole family's lives in the end too. They help make our children who they become. There would never be enough money or words to reward these people the way they ought to be rewarded.
