Saturday, April 9, 2016

Take Another Breath Daddy

Take another breath Daddy! Because as long as you are still breathing, you are still here with me. Take another breath.

Take another breath Daddy. I need you here. You are always strong when I am weak. I’m not sure I can be strong if you are not here to shore me up and encourage me.

Take another breath. I need to be able to ask your advice. I still have so much to learn from you. No one else’s opinion will matter to me in the same way yours has. I need your wisdom. Take another breath Daddy.

Take another breath. I cannot do all the things you do for me. I rely on you! You help me with things that are small to you but huge to me. You fix my broken furniture and change my flat tires. You help me take my dog to the vet and kill snakes for me. You plow the snow from my driveway. You have always been ready to come to my rescue with a ladder, a mower, a chainsaw, or your tool belt.

Take another breath. I have taken you for granted in the past. What will I do without you here? When you are watching I try hard to make you proud. Will I try as hard without you here? I’m afraid. Take another breath.

Take another breath Daddy. I need to hear your stories. I haven’t memorized all of them yet, even the ones you tell often. I need to hear them all again. I want to hear more about your childhood and your time in the army. I want to hear more about your years of farming and the adventures you had as a mechanic. Lately, you’ve told me a few I’ve never heard before! You might have a few more you haven’t shared with me yet. I need to hear more! I want to remember them all.

Take another breath. You need to make me laugh. I love your silly rhymes, and poems, and songs! They’ve made me smile my whole life. How does one guy have that many witty lines memorized? You have one for every occasion. And yesterday, when you were told what a short time you have left, you did it again. You joked with me about a silly regret and made me giggle in the midst of my grief. Please. Take another breath. For me. Take another breath.

Take another breath. Talk to me. I need to hear your voice. What if I forget what you sound like? You’ve always been just a phone call away. Take another breath.

Take another breath Daddy. I have been watching you for these past few days as you struggle to get enough air. I need you to take another breath because I am not as brave as you are. You do not cry. You are not afraid. I cry. I am afraid. I need you here to be brave for me. Take another breath. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never lost my daddy before. I need you to help me get through this. Take another breath. Please. Take another breath.

At the end of March, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. We were told he has weeks to live.

Mom and Dad's hands, April 8, 2016


Sydney and my dad at a cattle sale


My college graduation, 1985 
If you liked this blog post, you might also like these two: Choosing My Nursing Home and Don't Blink 

6 comments:

  1. This is beautiful.
    I am praying for you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. My daddy is Heaven bound.

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  2. I've always admired your parents, Lisa and I have many happy memories with them in it. I'm a better person because I had them as Christian role models in my young life; I had a glimpse of what a loving family looked like. I'm praying for your daddy!

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  3. This is so beautiful, wishing you both much strength and peace.

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  4. I don't have words for how heavy my heart is for you. I'm so thankful you have such an amazing Father, but I also know that awesome men like him leave a huge void when they are gone. I will be lifting you (and him) up in prayer for peace and comfort.

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  5. I cannot describe how much this post resonated with me. I lost my mum 2 years ago to lung cancer when I was just 22. It wasn't until I read this post that I knew I'd had all these thoughts when my mum was ill and how I wished I'd been able to voice them at the time.
    I'm sending you all the strength I have to get you through this difficult time.

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