People often tell me
I should write down the things these kids say. I do. I keep a
folder on my desktop and try to write down word-for-word the funnier things
they say. I often use them for Facebook statuses often. So.
Following is a sort of scrapbook of random things I've saved. There is no
real theme involved in this post which sort of makes it a lot like the world I
live in here. Ha!
I have a lot of
“Who’s on first” conversations with my two youngest every day of the week…
One day this past
spring, Sydney came running into the house and said, “There are only two
kittens in the chicken house!” I said, “One of the mamas must’ve moved
some. We’ll find them this afternoon.” A few minutes later she came
running back in and said, “I found all the kittens.” Me: “Where
were they?” Sydney: “They are in the chicken house.” Me: “Great,
but where did you find them?” Sydney: “In the chicken house.” Me:
“So they were never lost?” Sydney: “Yeah, they were lost but I found them
and put them in the chicken house.” Me: “So, where did you find
them?” Sydney: “They are not lost. They are in the chicken house.”
Me: “Where were they when they were NOT in the chicken house.” Sydney:
“lost.” UGH!!!!! I gave up.
Me, noticing Tate’s
voice sounded a little rough: “Tate, do you have a sore throat?”
Tate: “Don’t worry. Sore throats only last one day.” Me: “So, your
throat is sore?” Tate: “My teacher got a germ from another
student.” Me, turning Tate’s face to look at me: “Tate. Is. Your.
Throat. Sore?” Tate: “Don’t worry, it will be better on Friday.” I think
I can assume his throat is sore and administer Tylenol, maybe. ??
Here are some of my
recent favorite Sydney-isms:
Sydney, while eating
a waffle said, "Mom, would you put my hair in a ponytail 'cause it is
gonna get all sticky with this syrup and then you will get all dramatic and ask
me how I got my hair all sticky and say 'did you chew on this hair and get it
sticky or did you drag it through your food and get it sticky' and then I'll
have to tell you that I got it in my syrup and you will be saying 'we should
have put it up in a ponytail' so would you just put it up in a ponytail?"
Sydney came running
in the door. She was wearing shorts and cowboy boots. I asked her why she
had on the boots and she said she was going out to the barn and there might be
snakes. She's never worried about snakes before. Her big phobia is bees. She
said, "Mom, COULD there be snakes out there?" I said that there could
but they are afraid of people and don't usually hurt anyone. She said,
"Well, I could poison 'em. Just whip me up something poisonous
please."
Sydney makes up words
all the time. A few evenings ago the locusts were very loud in the
trees. She asked me why those crickets were “cricking.” A couple of
days later, she was bent over for quite a while and said she was getting “a cricket
in the back.”
I don’t like to
mislead the kids but I try to avoid certain stressful topics or things that I
know will upset them, especially right before school. Sometimes I have to
come clean though….
Sydney (on our way
to school): Mom, what are YOU going to do today? Me: Oh, all kinds
of things. Sydney: Like what? Me (trying to change the subject): I
love this song on the radio. Sydney: Me too. What are you going to
do today? Me: Well, I have to help Grandpa with something today.
Sydney: What does he need help with? Me (scrambling for a way to avoid
the truth): Well, the other day I helped him make coleslaw. Sydney:
coleslaw? Me: Yeah, he got a new grinder and we used it to make
coleslaw. Sydney: What are you going to help him with today? Me
(buying more time): Whatever he needs help with. Sydney: Are you going to
make more coleslaw? Me: No. He won’t need any more of that
yet. Sydney: What will he need help with today? Me (cringing ‘cause
we aren’t near the school yet and I’m out of everything except “NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS!”): I’m going to help Grandpa with his cows. Sydney: WHAT? What
are you doing to do? Me (wishing I thought it was okay to lie): I’m going
to the sale barn with Grandpa. Okay?! Sydney: You are going to the
sale barn with Grandpa? Me (defensively): Yeah. Grandma doesn’t
like for Grandpa to go alone. Sydney: So, why am I going to
school?! Me: You cannot skip school every time Grandpa goes to the sale
barn. Sydney: Why not?? Me: Because you have things to learn and
your teachers need you at school. Sydney (glaring): You have to
tell me about every cow. Me (feeling like a traitor): I will take lots of
pictures. *Fast forward 8 hours to pick up. Sydney gets into the
van and holds her hand out for my phone. Yes, I was probably the only one
to ever sit at a cattle sale taking pictures of the cows being paraded across
the auction block. Anything for my baby girl.
The amount of love
that Sydney has for animals is probably equivalent to the amount of disdain
that Tate has for them. Animals are unpredictable and they might slobber
on you, scratch you, jump on you, rub against you, or make sudden moves.
Therefore, animals cannot be trusted. We have a big black tom cat named Fraidy
that lives outside. Fraidy is friendly, calm, and has a great
disposition. Fraidy prefers Tate to anyone else. Poor Fraidy.
Poor Tate. Tate likes to sit on the deck and almost every time, Fraidy
finds him. Tate talks to the cat as if cats can totally understand the
English language. It goes something like this, “Hey cat. Don’t come over
here. Get away from me. No. Hey! I don’t like it when you
touch me. MOM!!! There is a black cat out here that keeps bothering
me.” I remind Tate that the cat’s name is Fraidy; he’s lived here for a
long time; he is friendly; he only wants petted… Tate usually ends
the conversation by telling me I should “call animal control” and ask them to
come and get “this cat.” Once this summer my oldest daughter Regan and
Tate were outside together. Fraidy approached Tate and Tate spoke to
Fraidy and said, “Hey cat. Regan wants you.” He totally thought that
would do the trick and divert the cat’s attention from him to her. It did
not of course, and Regan was able to convince Tate to actually touch the cat
with a couple of fingers that time. I think Fraidy may actually be a
pretty good autism therapist!
This past weekend we
were heading out to roast hotdogs over a bonfire when Sydney became interested
in what our hotdogs were made from. Shawn read the label and told her
they were made of beef and pork. Sydney started naming animals we can
eat. (This is somewhat of a touchy subject because we are not sure she
understands that we eat cows. She is CRAZY passionate about cows.)
She rambled on: “We eat chickens, turkeys, pigs, deer, antelopes, Indians,
horses...” Shawn, half-listening was agreeing with her but was just a
couple of beats behind. He perked up and said, “Now wait a minute.
Indians are people. We don’t eat people. I don’t eat horses
either.” I was listening from the other room and was so glad it was Shawn’s
turn to try and keep a straight face in the presence of Sydney.
Tate often gives
advice:
This summer Levi got
his learners permit and took drivers’ ed. I was talking to Levi about his
drivers’ education class. Tate interrupted, “Levi, I don’t even know why
you need to go to school to learn to drive. Driving is easy. Once Dad let
me drive on the driveway and I didn’t even have a license. You just put
two hands on the wheel; Put your foot near the brake; and look at the road. If
you follow those three steps and keep your arms and legs in the car, then you
are driving.”
Tate gave Levi
another tip about driving later:
“Levi, you drive
cars all the time on Mario Cart. You don’t need to go to a school to
learn how to drive. You just do the same thing to drive our car you do on
Mario Cart. It’s really not hard. Just don’t run off the
road.”
I woke at four this
morning with a headache. I tip-toed into the living room to get some
medicine. Why tip-toe? Because Sydney’s hyper-vigilance is especially
keen in the early mornings. She caught me. I heard her holler,
“Mom, Can I have some cantaloupe?” I told her it was still night and she
actually went back to sleep. Whew! At 6:00 she was up for
real. As always, her volume was turned all the way up and she was wound
up tight. Just like most mornings, she asked dozens of questions without
waiting for any answers and touched on many topics that are totally
unrelated. I just cannot believe how fast her brain is whirring in the
early mornings before medication. I tried to jot down some key words this
morning so I could remember how it went and give an accurate picture of our
morning but she talks FAST and I missed a lot of it. It went something
like: Mom, can I have juice? Why were you up in the night? Did it
storm? I heard it raining. Where’s Dad? Why is it still
dark? Can I wear my cowboy boots today? I can put tennis shoes in
my backpack for PE. Is it PE day? Yesterday, at church Miss Robin
saw a bug and she said, ‘Bug! Bug! Bug!’ cause she was afraid of it. I
asked if I could sit BETWEEN Robin and Steve and they let me. Miss Robin
said, ‘Between?’ and I said ‘Yes, between' and then she let me! There is
a gnat in here. Will you make me a cow puppet? Is it cold or hot today?
What is Pepper barking at? Is Daisy dog here? Are Kassie and Ian
coming today? Where is Dad? I hope Grandpa feels better
today. Can I take vegetables in my lunch today? Do you know where my ipod
is? My favorite song is 'Sunny and Seventy-five' (then she began singing
it... SUNNNNNNYYYYY AND SEV-EN-TY FI-I-I-IVE....
Just another day in
Paradise!!
